Even if I wake screaming, at least I woke up

[Counselor]

I'm moving into my dad's house tomorrow. I've arranged for a ride to work (20min commute on freeway). A handful of people at work know I'm starting a divorce, but none of then know the main reason. None of this seems real. When I asked the lady if I could ride with her, she was shocked, almost, surprised at least. Apparently I hold together pretty well on a superficial level.
My wife asked me about relationship advice (complicated) today. I offered my advice and realized my emotional reaction was wrong: I felt almost nothing. I wanted to help, but I didn't respond in order to help. I don't understand what is happening, I feel like the world is moving me, like I'm fated to these motions, and it's happening with such ease, it's surprising, almost unreal.

[Nick9]

I think that it is understandable that you feel kind of lost and emotionally detached in the difficult time like this. Moving out, getting through divorce... it's a lot. I believe you already needed to take care of many different and important things and your mind is just "emotionaly tired." It will get better, promise Don't be too hard on yourself.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Seems kind of ironic that the person you are divorcing is who you are going too for relationship advice... :biggrin:

Stages of Grief (Its a theme tonight), Denial, Bargaining, Depression, Anger, Acceptance.

Google Stages of Grief - lots of pages.

Its rarely easy to tell were we are in the process. Many of us do more than one at the same time, some of us will often go back and forth, running through the stages in no particular order.

That 'unreal' feeling is most likely shock - or shell shock and most likely is tied to depression. Your mind isn't taking time out to process stuff. I suspect that too much is on your plate to deal with thus you are unable (not unwilling there is a huge difference between ability and willingness) to deal with her relationship issue(s).

Oh it will get better and you will be OK. Hope spring eternal and all of that crap :biggrin:

[zeon]

Getting divorced is never fun for both parties because the committment of love has been broken by two people. Hold in there and allow to hit the hurdlesd one by one and to be honest if its over your sexuality its better to be with someone you can truely love than to be with someone you have to lead a lie to

Kindest regards

zeon x

[Rainbowmum]

Change is always hard .
You have to give yourself time to adjust .

Divorce is the end of a chapter in your life , take a deep breath ,and be still.
After all the dust settles , life goes on.

[zeon]

ive read some people have divorce parties so why not celebrate to freedom to your new life and celebrate the good times you had in the marriage so it ends nicely

[pellaz]

-you are getting the divorce so dont expect your wife to lift a finger. You will have to do all the work.
-You are moving out, get a friends or family to help with the move, no matter how physically simple the process may be you will need help.
-build a group of friends and family around you for support. You will need it. Try to keep work out of the divorce and stabilize your feelings and mood swings while on the job. Come in there emotionally positive and sober and ready to work. Keep you divorce news to a few very close work friends and when you talk to them do it at lunch or after work.
-your gay and getting a divorce from a straight relationship. Might try to volunteer at the local gay center if any. Stay busy/ active, goto the gym, take some evening classes. Make new gay friends, go out evenings, find a boy friend (be honest with him). Find a hag girl friend.

i figured out i was gay about 2001. Cheated played around for a while and found out all relationships gay or straight are the same. About 2003 i asked my wife for a divorce and she refused, i felt trapped. We decided to get back together but w/o success. so about 2008 she agreed to the divorce and we jointly hired a single attorney who completed the task in 2009. Early 2010 i succeed in getting all the physical things transfused to my name. This was a huge physical and emotional drain over a few years for me so i am deeply sorry for you but like they say it gets better.

the most important thing is you MUST talk to someone. Find the best person you can to help you out.

[Counselor]

I want to emphasize that I'm not suicidal anymore, but I'm doing all this trashing/moving/talking without feeling like it's happening. This happened before, and I sorta blacked out for a month.

Pellaz, you are right, I have to nut up and get shit done, but she is offering to help, this divorce is intended to be amicable, and we want to still hang out on weekends and go to Asian markets. She really is amazing. I originally came out because talk about having a baby was getting serious, and I couldn't do that without her knowing the truth, but she knew it went further than that. She was the first one to say the "D-Word", and at the time I didn't even know I wanted that, but I see now it was the only way to slow either of us to be happy.

[pellaz]

... She is offering to help, this divorce is intended to be amicable, and we want to still hang out on weekends and go to Asian markets. She really is amazing ...

It is normal to have a renewed friendship with your X after the decision is reached. Nurture you new found friendship but keep it in mind; you got to where you are today not for lack of effort in the relationship. You two put all you could into the relationship. Stay friends because:
-the divorce will be less costly from your point of view, less legal costs, better settlement. Sounds harsh but divorces are every bit that so keep it friendly. Leave your self respect at the door good man for a few months till its over.
-It will help in the emotional closing of a chapter of your lives. Just be careful.

... I originally came out because talk about having a baby was getting serious, and I couldn't do that without her knowing the truth

I think you are a SUPER STRONG person.

[Counselor]

Aw, pellaz, you know just how to make a queer cry...