comming out failed misserably

[darkality24]

I'm a 19 year old gay man in Kentucky, and my coming out didn't actually work...

My parents are divorced, and both southern baptists. At the time, I thought I was about to move out, and I felt it was wrong to leave this part of my life without being completely truthful with them about who I was. That being said, I found it much easier to come out to my brothers first, and build up support that week before talking to our mom.

I waited a week for the right time, and I finally had a moment alone in the house that I felt was the best chance I was going to get. I stumbled a bit over what I was trying to say, but eventually I managed to just say the words "I'm gay." I was actually in tears by this point(I don't get emotional often) because My last great secret was relieved and I was going to be free to move on with the knowledge that I had kept nothing from her that she deserved to know.
But her only response was "Who told you that?"

I was 18. I was an honors student, My IQ was 20pts higher than hers. and she actually thought someone else had convinced me I was gay because no son of hers could come to this conclusion on their own.

I couldn't for the life of me think of how to answer that, so I simply left in tears. My college grants fell through, and I wound up not leaving home that year. But instead of this being some huge elephant in the room, my mother has continued on as if that night never happened. she tells me not to have girls in my room with the door shut, she asks me about the women I bring around(some of whom are clearly lesbians) and if I'm "involved" with them.

The night completely destroyed my plan to tell my father. He was always so proud of me as the football lineman I was in highschool. He's proud of my scholastic achievements. I don't know how he would react if he knew.

so I'm left at sort of a moral crossroads here. On the one hand, I feel my parents deserve to know their son. They invested years of their life into me, and it would be my greatest shame to repay their love with secrets. And on the other hand, This news would come as a burden to them.

I've left this issue alone for a year now, but soon I'll be heading off to college for sure, and I'm back where I started.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[ZackT]

Not sure about which post I should reply to, so I just randomly picked one.

I think this time around, wait until you know for absolute certain that you're moving out before deciding to say anything.

Now, even if you are completely certain you'll be leaving, the question still remains on whether you should say anything. Clearly, you want to tell them (for better or for worse). And I think that's honorable, but based on your mother's reaction, I'd be willing to bet they won't take it well. Your mom probably is gonna react the same way and I have no idea how your dad would react, but I think it'd be wise if you prepare yourself for whatever comes next.

It's really sad that some parents out there still wreck their kids emotionally when they come out. But sadly, you may have to deal with the fact that they will blatantly ignore you coming out and refuse to accept it, maybe cut off contact or any support they may have planned on giving you, who knows. It could get very ugly, and I'm sorry to come off sounding negative, I just want you to have a clear idea of what MIGHT happen.

If you decide to say something, I'd suggest waiting until the day you leave. Let them soak it in for awhile. That's an option.

Just make sure you don't need their support at all, because it's entirely possible you won't have it afterwards

[Nick9]

Hi, sorry it didn't work out the way you hoped. But congratulation! You did it and you don't need to say her again.

I guess your mother had three different scenarios to choose from - accept it, deny it or reject you.
She didn't choose THAT bad after all. I guess she is in shock and I also think that you are not the first one or only one who experience this. I am not sure how it is in your country, but in mine, people don't know much about about G/L community.

She she is like: I don't know what to do. But if I ignore it, the problem (with me not knowing what do do) will disappear.

You told your mother that everything she had dreamed about for you and for her is not going to happen. If she knows nothing, I bet it is very difficult for her to imagine what your revelation actually means. You know what "I am gay." means for you now and for your future. She doesn't. She needs to build her dreams and expectation again from the scratch. Give her time and help her understand.

Try to introduce her to your friends. I don't suggest that you bring bunch of guys in her house and let her see how it looks when two guys are kissing I think that you need to go slowly, show her that you are still that son you used to be. Try to bring your (future?) bf to her house so that she could feel comfortable around him.

I think it will take her a lot of time but she will get there.

Imagine you told her another shocker, like I am moving to another country and I don't plan to come back. I doubt that she would hug you and told you how happy she was. She needs time, because maybe she has no idea what your admission means for you and for HER.