dont know what to call this.

[chillythoughts]

I'd like to start a chat but I do have 1 question for you all. I have several friends who dont know Im gay and go on saying "I hate fags" and stuff like that. How do I go about telling them Im gay?

When I hear the word "fag", it brings my mood down actually, cause its an insulting word towards me from the straight community. they dont know how much I try to show myself as a gay. Like my actions and some of my words should show who I am and what not. but they havent caught on yet. I got this 1 friend, hes always like "so and so is such a fag, what do you think?" I'd like to say, who cares if someone is gay, whats it to you? Not like hes hitting on you or anything. besides I know that guy isnt gay anyway. now if I broke the news and said I was gay, all hell would break loose and I'd be hated on for sure, I mean, at one point I almost told him Im gay. He's told me he doesnt like gay people... so what will he do when he finds out a friend of his is gay, right?

I hate the term "fag hag"... just putting that out there.

What do you guys think when the straight community uses the word "fag" towards us gay people?

[OrphanPip]

I don't approve of it and I usually make that known when an acquaintance uses it. However, I was raised in a home where any derogatory language towards any group was unacceptable, and I wouldn't maintain a friendship with people who I felt didn't meet my standards of decency and respect for other human beings.

Telling friends you're gay is often a rough spot, it's not like family because they don't necessarily have any permanent ties to you, it is quite easy for a group of shared friends to exclude a member rather than deal with that kind of revelation.

I think, for your own benefit it might be a good idea to try and make friends with people who will not dislike you for being who you are.

As an aside, some straight men use homophobic language a lot but are not always as vindictively homophobic as they put on. So, maybe your friend will not react as badly as you think he will, but I'd still be prepared for it to put strain on a friendship if you come out to him. Coming out for me required establishing an entirely new network of friends.

[pellaz]

the term Fag Hag

People are homophobic because they are not confidant of their own sexuality, has nothing to do with you. It will take a lot of emotion for these people to change themselves for you. You may need to find new friends because they will be unable to emotionally support you as a gay person.

Unless you live in a small community (your the only gay person there) consider:
gay or straight a male is most comfortable if he has setup a new group of friends or a new lover before dumping the old. I suggest you do the same. Get evolved more the the local gay community and then consider coming out of the closet. Sounds cruel and it is girl.

[zeon]

hello,
I think the only thing your going to be able to do is express your concern with them in a way of explaining to them on a 121 basis that you are gay and would like them to know as friendship contains honesty... This may change their views but if they remove you from the circle remember they were not worthy of a good friendship in the beginning

[Rainbowmum]

I find the word to be very critical and disrespectful .

[chillythoughts]

first off, Id like to thank you all for replying to my thread.

orphanpip, I hear what your saying dude. I think I need to find a new circle. these so called friends of mine showed their true colors to me today and it wasnt good. It upset me and I broke down crying eventually at home. I personally like hanging out/talking to gay people more than straight people to be honest. thats why I come to this forum.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I prefer it over the use of the word 'gay' as a negative.

Gay in a negative 'That car is so gay!' 'that music is so gay!'

At least fag you know the feelings of the person, with the gay word being used as a negative you can't be certain if the person is actually against homosexuals or is just using the latest slang.

I wouldn't come out to these 'friends' and in all honesty I wouldn't remain friends with them - I would have left the first time they opened up their mouth and aired their views on any minority with a negative word.

There is a saying 'Birds of a feather flock together'. If you stick around these people and they air their views, people will assume that you share those views as well.

[monk]

What do you guys think when the straight community uses the word "fag" towards us gay people?

I usually reply: "Watch what you're saying - you're talking to one".

[dfiant]

The words gay and fag and whatever other slang term for poofters don't bother me in the slightest.

The word HATE pisses me off no end because of the hurt and emotion behind it.

[princealbertofb]

I'd like to start a chat but I do have 1 question for you all. I have several friends who dont know Im gay and go on saying "I hate fags" and stuff like that. How do I go about telling them Im gay?

When I hear the word "fag", it brings my mood down actually, cause its an insulting word towards me from the straight community. they dont know how much I try to show myself as a gay. Like my actions and some of my words should show who I am and what not. but they havent caught on yet. I got this 1 friend, hes always like "so and so is such a fag, what do you think?" I'd like to say, who cares if someone is gay, whats it to you? Not like hes hitting on you or anything. besides I know that guy isnt gay anyway. now if I broke the news and said I was gay, all hell would break loose and I'd be hated on for sure, I mean, at one point I almost told him Im gay. He's told me he doesnt like gay people... so what will he do when he finds out a friend of his is gay, right?

I hate the term "fag hag"... just putting that out there.

What do you guys think when the straight community uses the word "fag" towards us gay people?

What is it they hate about fags??? Do those words mean anything? What are you doing hanging out with people you call friends but who have no consideration for people like you?

Or maybe they just don't realise that they do like fags (at least one of them). Like most sweeping generalisations, they are poor judgement and poor rhetoric. Don't take any notice of them, try to put them right on some misconceptions, or change your gang of friends; they can't be the ones you need around you if they're making you so depressed.