Crush and Coming Out

[SadSilence]

I want some advice on a crush I have that is sort of confusing me and about possibily coming out :/

There's this kid, Weston, who is just so hot it drives me absolutely up the walls when I see him. I hardly know him I only know him through observation, we've never actually had a conversation. But back to what I was saying, I like him a lot and I want to tell him how I feel. But I'm afraid of what would happen, even if he said was gay and liked me too. I do have my suspicions that he might be gay also because he looks at me. I mean I had a bad tendency to look at him and he slowly started looking back, he still does occasionally even though I've gained control over myself. But I still think he looks at me because he's curious of the 'Freak' is looking at him. I loose my appitite when I see him also :/ But anyways I want to tell him how I feel to see if he feels the same way. I guess what I'm asking for advice on his what should I do about telling him how I feel? And is it just me who is lonely and wants a boyfriend that thinks that he may be gay and likes me because he looks at me occasionally? Or should I just drop it and let it pass?

About coming, when I say coming I mean just to my school. Not my family, my family says they're okay with gays and all but it always sounds so hollow. So I don't quite trust coming out to them yet. But anyways, I want to come out to my school so I can hopefully feel better about myself and not have this huge weight on me. I think about it every night, my friends have offered to help spread the word also! Even though I think about it every night and feel good about it, I just don't think I'm ready. I don't know how to explain it, I want to come out but I don't feel ready. I mean how can I come out when I have a hard time coming out to myself still? What should I do?

[dlboy53]

I will say that there is no hurry on coming out your 15 and still in Jr High or Middle school depending on where your from. I also would say start befriending this Weston get to know him first and talk to him. You got to feel the ground first before spilling the beans to him. And about coming out to your school tell someone that you feel comfortable with that you know that is excepting of who you are and then build from there.

[chillythoughts]

Take your time on coming out bro. I still havent come out to my family but every friend I've told has been understanding but I pick and choose who I tell. so basically Im careful who I tell cause I do have homophobic friends (or so they come off as it). So what Im telling you is theres no rush to out yourself especially if your in high school.

Now on to you liking some guy. I'd say just cause he looks at you doesnt mean hes interested. Trust dude. now if he looks at you and gives you a smile or a wink than I'd think he'd be interested. Maybe you should strike a conversation with him and see what hes about. or maybe ask your friends who know him and ask them if hes gay, get your info that way and if your friends say hes gay, go for it man!

[Thibideau]

If you're ready to be openly gay, go for it. But go for it because you're ready to come out and not for anyone else. No one can tell you when it's right or wrong to come out, that's all you. Just remember you're the one who has to live with life afterwards so give it the thought that it deserves.

If you want my advice, don't come out to your crush or tell him how you feel. Sometimes we try to convince ourselves that there's something there that's not. If you come right out and tell him, he could panic and run or just have a negative reaction. If you do choose to come out and it eventually becomes known that you're gay at your school, say a month from when you come out, revisit your potential crush. By then he'll know you're gay just by word of mouth and you can ease into the topic a little easier without laying so much on him or maybe your feelings towards him will have changed all together. You still have a lot of years a head of you, there's no rush to get into any of this unless you're ready for it.

But that's just my take on it. At the end of the day you have to do what you think is right and I'm sure you'll make the right choice for you. Good luck with everything!

[dfiant]

Hey, why don't you perhaps smile and nod to acknowledge him, perhaps even just say 'hello' and see where it goes from their. I don't think you would do yourself any favours if you walked straight upto him out of the blue and told him how you feel.

Be the one to break the ice, perhaps come friends and just feel your way from there. You will know if/ when that time comes to let him know how you feel, but right now wouldn't be the best time.

Slow and steady wins the race

Good luck

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetie you are so young.
With regards to coming out to your school , I wouldn't , gossip spreads at an alarming rate at school, by the end of the day everyone knows, school bullies , teachers , everyone.

Before to long your family will find out.
Trust me you do not need this type of stress , right now you are reliant on your parents for everything.

Wait a little , feel the water before you dive in.

As for the hot crush , try introducing yourself, say hello.

[pellaz]

... Being gay has it's toll, I've accepted that I'm gay but that doesn't mean I agree with it or am ready to embrace it...

i took the time to re read your previous post. All good. But i agree with the people above you have more work to be done before coming out. If you came out in your senior hs year, would it be better? If you come out have a planB if it feels bad afterwards.

The gay population is 3-8% so chances are that the guy that looks at you is not that gay. You cant make people into what you want them to be and both guys have to want a relationship before it will happen.

Accumulate some gay accepting friends, both guys and girls. Let your friends express then selves as best as they can and you support their decisions. If you cant support them; they are not your friends

[Sylph]

he might be gay also because he looks at me.
People in general have a tendency to look at things. We are a curious species. He may look at you because he's curious about you or maybe he is interested, but you can't assume people like you or are gay because they look at you for too long. This is probably just you "fantasizing" about why he's looking at you, trust me, I've done it alot.

I loose my appitite when I see him
This isn't good for obvious reasons. I used to eat in empty stairwells and classrooms at lunch time, because I was afraid of people, because they weren't nice to me. Needless to say, I lost alot of weight, because I was always afraid of getting caught eating by myself and them making fun of me, so sometimes I wouldn't. If this boy makes you lose your appetite, then you need to either avoid looking at him or just not hang around him at all. Food is essential in school, and I know it sounds stupid when they tell you, but it's true. If your hungry during class, you wont be able to focus and sometimes you can suffer from hunger pains and what not.

Not my family
Even if your friends are comfortable with you being gay, your family is your rock, atleast they should be. If you come out to your friends and they reject you or do something devastating, your family would or should be the ones you can go to. Even if your parents don't approve, there has to be someone in your family who would accept you, because blood is thicker than water.

But anyways, I want to come out to my school so I can hopefully feel better about myself and not have this huge weight on me.
Don't do it! Trust and believe me, unless you're insanely popular and everything you do in their eyes is golden, don't do it. I can almost assure you there will be people who will torment you and I don't wish it on you, but it's true. One of my friends got off easy, because he was friends with almost all the girls of our year, so the guys had no choice, cause the girls would stick up for him. I didn't get so lucky, because I was that "weird kid" everyone picks on, cause I would wear weird hairstyles or even wear stuff in my hair(not bows >.>) and funny colours on my uniform. People liked me, because I was unique, but quite a few people still picked on me, even though I never really cared, but deep down it hurts, even alittle.

I've read in the news(American), that some teens commit suicide because of peer bullying and usually because they were gay or socially inept. Tyler Clemanti commited suicide because his roomate filmed him getting intimate with another man. Could you imagine if the entire school would've found out? Though some probably would have been supportive, theres always that "group" of people who wouldn't be so kind.

I think about it every night, my friends have offered to help spread the word also!
Why would you want to spread the word? You don't want to go through the possible outcomes, I assure you. Bullying, getting beat up, I've even heard of a boy being raped, because they say he was asking for it, cause he was gay. You have to think about the outcomes of your decisions, and whether or not you can handle them.

Even though I think about it every night and feel good about it, I just don't think I'm ready.
[COLOR="red"]Follow your instincts. Every Caterpillar has to go through that phase of Metamorphosis, before they can become that beautiful Butterfly.

Be a teenage boy, I know I didn't get to, because I didn't have a choice. I was and still am, noticably feminine(not my choice), I have a single mom and had to help take care of my sister when she had to work, I have 4 other siblings(on my dad's side) who I also had to watch. I've never really experienced being a Teenager, because I've always had an "adult" mind set. I didn't even get to go to prom, because I had to take care of my family. Just... don't rush and enjoy your life how it is now. I know you want to come out, and I'm not saying you can't, but don't make it such a priority, that you miss out on being a teenager.

You're only 15 and have your whole life to do what you want to. For now, just focus on getting good grades and making a plan/goal for yourself. Be gay, but don't do it unless you know for a fact that you'd be happy.[/COLOR]

Scarlet Red for you

Everyone has pretty much covered it, but I do hope you take some of our advise. I know you want to come out and be with this boy, but like your doing now, think of what will happen if you do and how it will affect your life. It could be even more wise to wait awhile, until you mature and learn the ways of the world.

Having a moustache/chest hair/deep voice/etc, doesn't make you a man, but the choices you make and how you handle situations. Just because you know about sex and your own sexual orientation, doesn't mean those should be your top priorities.

I wish you luck :3

[pridepancakes21]

You should really wait until you feel you have accepted yourself before you come out to others. You to make sure you love yourself no matter how others might react to the news