In need of reassurance
03-04-2012, 06:35 AM
Hello everybody. This is my very first post here on gayspeak. Now let's get straight (haha) to the point. Since so many members have been comfortable in their skin for much longer then I have, hopefully I can get some advice. I'm in love with my best friend, but of course he's not admitting to being gay. First off, I'm so sorry for this post being so long, but there's quite a bit of things that happened between him and I.
It started in high school. We we're really close friends. I knew that I had a sexual attraction towards him, but I never though of it as a relationship. We we're always playing around in a "fake" relationship. Since I was intrigued by him, it ended in me tricking him into making nude videos of himself. This went on until one of our many "jokes" went too far. He dared me to take off his pants, and I went for it. As I was starting, he stopped me, and told me that he would be late for work, he was afraid of people to see us. This is what made me realize that what I had, was a lot more then a sexual attraction.
I told him about how I felt, as a "I think I have a crush on you". We stayed friends until I though it would be best to stay away from him. We didn't talk for about 2-3 weeks, and during that time, he attempted to commit suicide, and started to take drugs. He blamed his recent ex-girlfriend, and his abusive step father.
We talked and befriended each other again, and it felt like I was getting closer and closer to him. Until he started dating a new girlfriend. I broke down and forced him to tell me that "it's impossible for us to work out". The following day, we talked, and he admitted that, if he would ever find out that he's attracted to men, I would be the first person he would want to tell, and the first person that he wants to date.
Every time him and I talked about his sexuality, he constantly refers to "maybe in the future" to finding out about his sexuality. He started to have a debt to me, and to get a better job, he moved away. I went to visit him on my birthday, and we got drunk together. I asked him if he could ever see him and I working as a couple. His answer to that question was ; "yes, because at times in my life, I've wondered about my sexuality", and he told me that his attraction towards women is decreasing...
Him and I got into a major fight about his sexual orientation, where I told him how hard it is for me to like him, and that he obviously had some thinking to do. He then started to tell me various things, where I later found out that it was all lies, and claimed to be 100% certain of being straight. For the 3 months that we didn't speak to each other, he got dumped by his girlfriend. He sent me a text, explaining that he's very sorry, and that he wanted to be friends again.
To celebrate his most recent birthday, I surprised him with tickets to see a famous comedian. We had a nice dinner, and I proceeded to drive him home. In hopes of getting more answers out of him, I also gave him some alcohol. I told him that this was considered a date for me, and I gave him a kiss on the cheek goodnight. Ever since that night, there's been rarely a day that we haven't had some sort of contact with each other (even though he lives 4 hours away). And if we didn't contact each other for a day, he apologizes himself and explains himself the following day.
Now I'm most likely forgetting a couple details, but that's been the last 1 1/2 - 2 years following the man of my dreams. The other night, after us joking around, he sent me a picture of him in his undergarments. Keep in mind that he isn't the smartest in the world, and is insanely stubborn. Is there anything that I can do/say to him that won't jeopardize our friendship?
It started in high school. We we're really close friends. I knew that I had a sexual attraction towards him, but I never though of it as a relationship. We we're always playing around in a "fake" relationship. Since I was intrigued by him, it ended in me tricking him into making nude videos of himself. This went on until one of our many "jokes" went too far. He dared me to take off his pants, and I went for it. As I was starting, he stopped me, and told me that he would be late for work, he was afraid of people to see us. This is what made me realize that what I had, was a lot more then a sexual attraction.
I told him about how I felt, as a "I think I have a crush on you". We stayed friends until I though it would be best to stay away from him. We didn't talk for about 2-3 weeks, and during that time, he attempted to commit suicide, and started to take drugs. He blamed his recent ex-girlfriend, and his abusive step father.
We talked and befriended each other again, and it felt like I was getting closer and closer to him. Until he started dating a new girlfriend. I broke down and forced him to tell me that "it's impossible for us to work out". The following day, we talked, and he admitted that, if he would ever find out that he's attracted to men, I would be the first person he would want to tell, and the first person that he wants to date.
Every time him and I talked about his sexuality, he constantly refers to "maybe in the future" to finding out about his sexuality. He started to have a debt to me, and to get a better job, he moved away. I went to visit him on my birthday, and we got drunk together. I asked him if he could ever see him and I working as a couple. His answer to that question was ; "yes, because at times in my life, I've wondered about my sexuality", and he told me that his attraction towards women is decreasing...
Him and I got into a major fight about his sexual orientation, where I told him how hard it is for me to like him, and that he obviously had some thinking to do. He then started to tell me various things, where I later found out that it was all lies, and claimed to be 100% certain of being straight. For the 3 months that we didn't speak to each other, he got dumped by his girlfriend. He sent me a text, explaining that he's very sorry, and that he wanted to be friends again.
To celebrate his most recent birthday, I surprised him with tickets to see a famous comedian. We had a nice dinner, and I proceeded to drive him home. In hopes of getting more answers out of him, I also gave him some alcohol. I told him that this was considered a date for me, and I gave him a kiss on the cheek goodnight. Ever since that night, there's been rarely a day that we haven't had some sort of contact with each other (even though he lives 4 hours away). And if we didn't contact each other for a day, he apologizes himself and explains himself the following day.
Now I'm most likely forgetting a couple details, but that's been the last 1 1/2 - 2 years following the man of my dreams. The other night, after us joking around, he sent me a picture of him in his undergarments. Keep in mind that he isn't the smartest in the world, and is insanely stubborn. Is there anything that I can do/say to him that won't jeopardize our friendship?
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Virgo
