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In need of reassurance
#1
Hello everybody. This is my very first post here on gayspeak. Now let's get straight (haha) to the point. Since so many members have been comfortable in their skin for much longer then I have, hopefully I can get some advice. I'm in love with my best friend, but of course he's not admitting to being gay. First off, I'm so sorry for this post being so long, but there's quite a bit of things that happened between him and I.

It started in high school. We we're really close friends. I knew that I had a sexual attraction towards him, but I never though of it as a relationship. We we're always playing around in a "fake" relationship. Since I was intrigued by him, it ended in me tricking him into making nude videos of himself. This went on until one of our many "jokes" went too far. He dared me to take off his pants, and I went for it. As I was starting, he stopped me, and told me that he would be late for work, he was afraid of people to see us. This is what made me realize that what I had, was a lot more then a sexual attraction.

I told him about how I felt, as a "I think I have a crush on you". We stayed friends until I though it would be best to stay away from him. We didn't talk for about 2-3 weeks, and during that time, he attempted to commit suicide, and started to take drugs. He blamed his recent ex-girlfriend, and his abusive step father.

We talked and befriended each other again, and it felt like I was getting closer and closer to him. Until he started dating a new girlfriend. I broke down and forced him to tell me that "it's impossible for us to work out". The following day, we talked, and he admitted that, if he would ever find out that he's attracted to men, I would be the first person he would want to tell, and the first person that he wants to date.

Every time him and I talked about his sexuality, he constantly refers to "maybe in the future" to finding out about his sexuality. He started to have a debt to me, and to get a better job, he moved away. I went to visit him on my birthday, and we got drunk together. I asked him if he could ever see him and I working as a couple. His answer to that question was ; "yes, because at times in my life, I've wondered about my sexuality", and he told me that his attraction towards women is decreasing...

Him and I got into a major fight about his sexual orientation, where I told him how hard it is for me to like him, and that he obviously had some thinking to do. He then started to tell me various things, where I later found out that it was all lies, and claimed to be 100% certain of being straight. For the 3 months that we didn't speak to each other, he got dumped by his girlfriend. He sent me a text, explaining that he's very sorry, and that he wanted to be friends again.

To celebrate his most recent birthday, I surprised him with tickets to see a famous comedian. We had a nice dinner, and I proceeded to drive him home. In hopes of getting more answers out of him, I also gave him some alcohol. I told him that this was considered a date for me, and I gave him a kiss on the cheek goodnight. Ever since that night, there's been rarely a day that we haven't had some sort of contact with each other (even though he lives 4 hours away). And if we didn't contact each other for a day, he apologizes himself and explains himself the following day.

Now I'm most likely forgetting a couple details, but that's been the last 1 1/2 - 2 years following the man of my dreams. The other night, after us joking around, he sent me a picture of him in his undergarments. Keep in mind that he isn't the smartest in the world, and is insanely stubborn. Is there anything that I can do/say to him that won't jeopardize our friendship?
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#2
Hello Poterau, welcome to G.S
I have read through all you have written.
I must admit that I found some of it slightly disturbing.
It sounds very much like you are pressuring your friend into something he may not be ready for.

Perhaps he is scared or worried about the video of himself getting out.
Who knows what is really going on with him.

For the sake of what is left of your friendship , give him space.
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#3
Some advice I came across a long time ago: Don't date someone who is questioning their sexuality.

That doesn't mean you can't be his friend.

But romantically, the ambiguity, the on/off, the confusion, etc...it's not conducive to a "steady" relationship.

You're young, but you've obviously matured ahead of your friend. He still has some "discovery" and "growth" to accomplish.

Frankly, it's UNFAIR of you to deny him that by trying to pin him down (and even manipulate him with alcohol).

That last part might be hard to read. But Mum is right as usual--he needs some space, AND a very good friend who is available no matter what flavor he chooses.

Best wishes.
LB.
Smile
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#4
I know Moncton doesn't have the most happening gay scene in Canada, but you might want to try and give your friend space. Instead of sitting around waiting for him to figure out his sexuality, go out and find date someone who is emotionally ready to return your feelings. It will be better for your friend and better for you, in the long run.
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#5
Ahhh -- young best friend love. Some good advice is: don't do it. But if you must, like I did, then at least follow some good advice.
The first being, all your mushy crap probably scares him. Gay/Straight/whatever he ends up being in the end, if he hasn't sorted it out yet your desperate throws of affection likely make it harder for him to make the decision on his own.
Second: Just suck his dick and enjoy it. I learned that once I cut all the cutesy crap and got down to the knitty gritty, for say, maybe just a little fun, that best friend is far more pliable. He sent you a picture of his lower half in boxer-shorts? lol... The appropriate answer is: "I'd suck that, no strings attached, right now." Maybe with an "if you want.." at the end, if he's a sucker for hanging participles.
Third: Create a Cycle of Dependence. I remember hearing somewhere that love shouldn't have expectations, so don't expect anything from him. On that same note, you ought be as helpful to him as possible. You'll be more successful if he becomes reliant on you in some way: write his college papers, if he's a stoner: as much free weed as he wants. Whatever, it doesn't matter what. You love the kid, so giving selflessly will be easy.

So I guess the moral of the story is...
If he is straight... you need to extract every little bit that you can before he seals the deal with some girl.
If he is gay.... He will probably know for sure after you suck/jerk him off several hundred times ( way possible, straight or gay).
Casual sex doesn't always remain so.

My 2 cents and first post, too! (Welcome to both of us : ) )
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#6
Prometheus Wrote:Ahhh -- young best friend love. Some good advice is: don't do it. But if you must, like I did, then at least follow some good advice.
The first being, all your mushy crap probably scares him. Gay/Straight/whatever he ends up being in the end, if he hasn't sorted it out yet your desperate throws of affection likely make it harder for him to make the decision on his own.
Second: Just suck his dick and enjoy it. I learned that once I cut all the cutesy crap and got down to the knitty gritty, for say, maybe just a little fun, that best friend is far more pliable. He sent you a picture of his lower half in boxer-shorts? lol... The appropriate answer is: "I'd suck that, no strings attached, right now." Maybe with an "if you want.." at the end, if he's a sucker for hanging participles.
Third: Create a Cycle of Dependence. I remember hearing somewhere that love shouldn't have expectations, so don't expect anything from him. On that same note, you ought be as helpful to him as possible. You'll be more successful if he becomes reliant on you in some way: write his college papers, if he's a stoner: as much free weed as he wants. Whatever, it doesn't matter what. You love the kid, so giving selflessly will be easy.

So I guess the moral of the story is...
If he is straight... you need to extract every little bit that you can before he seals the deal with some girl.
If he is gay.... He will probably know for sure after you suck/jerk him off several hundred times ( way possible, straight or gay).
Casual sex doesn't always remain so.

My 2 cents and first post, too! (Welcome to both of us : ) )

Good post, welcome!
Smile

But I'm not sure about that part I put in bold.

Love has no expectations?
:confused:

Gonna have to give that one a little thought, but at first blush I'm not buying it.
Headscratch

<apologies for the thread drift>
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#7
LateBloomer Wrote:Good post, welcome!
Smile

But I'm not sure about that part I put in bold.

Love has no expectations?
:confused:

Gonna have to give that one a little thought, but at first blush I'm not buying it.
Headscratch

<apologies for the thread drift>

Okay --- so this'll ruin the tenor of my post, but the place I heard that was on (don't laugh) the 100th Episode of Xena:Warrior Princess. It was in a conversation between Xena and Joxor over his unrequited love for Gabrielle. Xena told him that if he likes doing nice things for her, then do them. But don't carry an expectation that she now owes you some sort of gratitude. Lighten the burden of people's lives for the sake of that only. At the least, you're being honest to yourself and know that you did everything. NO OP, I'm not comparing you Joxor - but he was hopelessly (he never did get the girl) in love.

Anyways, what I was trying to say was this:
Dwelled on wishes often crush foundations.
Tread lightly.
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#8
I also gave him some alcohol. I told him that this was considered a date for me, and I gave him a kiss on the cheek goodnight.
Hmmm, so if that didn't work well is the next step a date rape drug, sorry but I also don't believe you are letting him find himself, but rather trying to make him conform to what you want him to be. Patience, give him the time it takes to find himself, If all you want is meant to be it will occur in it's own good time, James
[Image: images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcRz-Six7p24KDjrx1F_V...A&usqp=CAU]
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#9
Hey everyone, thanks for all the advice Smile but I hope you're not getting the wrong idea! I don't want to rape him or anything. Whenever him and I drink together, I don't have any intentions of taking advantage or him or anything, it just so happens that we always end up talking about "what if's" and venture off into our thoughts. I completely agree with everyone that mentioned that patience is what is needed the most if ever anything is gonna happen. As for casual sex, I'm not sure if he would be interested, but nevertheless , he lives a 4 hour drive away. Thank you again for the advice Smile
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#10
Prometheus Wrote:Okay --- so this'll ruin the tenor of my post, but the place I heard that was on (don't laugh) the 100th Episode of Xena:Warrior Princess. It was in a conversation between Xena and Joxor over his unrequited love for Gabrielle. Xena told him that if he likes doing nice things for her, then do them. But don't carry an expectation that she now owes you some sort of gratitude. Lighten the burden of people's lives for the sake of that only. At the least, you're being honest to yourself and know that you did everything. NO OP, I'm not comparing you Joxor - but he was hopelessly (he never did get the girl) in love.

Anyways, what I was trying to say was this:
Dwelled on wishes often crush foundations.
Tread lightly.

Ah! Well, when you put it like that....

Smile

That sounds pretty cool.
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