Walls, fear, beauty, and death

[SadSilence]

I don't know what to say... A deep feeling of gratitude, a heavy but hollow heart. Touched, by music and alone. Music... So pure, beautiful, and touching.

What I'd give to fly away and see the world pass below me, marvel at its beauty. But what I'd give to share that moment with someone. But I'm stuck here, shackled. It's time that people know... That through the hollowness and stares of hatred is a person. Just like you. A person who feels and cares, who has interests, goals, and beliefs. beliefs that I'll never tread away from. A person who is kind and wonderful, a person who is devoted. Through the scars and blood stains is a person, someone who feels fear, fear of what is to come, fear of the past, fear of who I am. A person who is very emotional but never shows it. For emotions and feelings are my biggest fear. The power behind them is incomprehensible, the destruction they cause. But in pain lies beauty, the power to raise people from nothing, to give meaning to a meaningless life, even though no life is meaningless. Much like the power of life and death, emotions can bring someone to the very bottom, but can bring someone to the very top and make them feel like they are soaring above the world and marveling at its beauty and wonder.

[Rainbowmum]

Hey sweetheart,
So glad to see you here :biggrin: even happier that you can see some beauty around you.

I know where you are coming from when it comes to emotions.
We all feel afraid when we have not got 100% control over things.

At a really low part of my life , I was too scared to cry , I was terrified that I would never be able to stop.

So I did the worse thing ever , I suppressed the tears and tried to forget the pain which made them sting under my eyelids.
Eventually they turned into anger and then rage.

Rage that made me want to scream at the world, lash out and hurt anyone that tried to get close to me.
When I finally did let go , I was shocked at how much of that rage , turned into hate, as well as self loathing.
I actually saw the release of that pain , as a weakness, tears as defeat.

It took me a while to accept that there are things, I have no control over ,and that part of feeling alive, and being human is to feel.

As for your shackles , you will be free of them soon enough.
Remember surviving is the best revenge.

[Nick9]

you seem to be very good with words.

[princealbertofb]

Hello, SadSilence, and to GaySpeak. I love your prose, you are very gifted with evocative words and the power to use them... You are right; there is so much solace in music, but sometimes too, music can make you ache... The ache makes you feel alive, but oh, what we wouldn't give to feel the joy instead of the ache? to you, new friend. Please keep coming and posting here. I think we'd all love to hear more about you, the person behind the scars and the blood stains, the living person that is dying to break out of the chrysalid.
Take care, young one... Your life is precious.

[Nick9]

I admit, music didn't help me. I instinctively picked out only sad songs and melodies and end up looking for a music for my funeral
I hope you can still find some songs that make you feel better, not aching, SadSilence

[James]

Your ability to put "expressions on paper" (old term) at your age is truly amazing, continue, if you would as we get to know you better, James

[zeon]

Hello,
I am glad to see there is some light inside you shining through.... Keep that light and run with it because it will soon be turning to something beautiful and it may have some time to go but this is a sign and a beginning that you are on the road to freedom... I like determination and if someone hasnt got it they get no where in life... When i was your age 12 years ago i thought of what i may possibly want within life so after some thought i put a bit of determination behind it and working towards achieveing it... All i got left after completeing driving, mortgage and coming out is visiting america and australia two places I want to visit hopefully before im 30 if not definately by the time im 35... I find this site is good for so many things and one of them is watching the way people who have suffered slowly rebuild themselves through their own inner spirit and eventually break free....

Big bloody hugs

Aunty zeon x