not sure what message im getting

[99sporks]

this may be a dumb question but im kind of clueless when it comes to relationships.

i am 24 and have very little experience with relationships. i met a guy in his thirties and things took off really fast. he is a nice, responsible guy and he has said that he is looking for more than a couple hook ups. i am too. we havent really gotten to know each other very well and it causes awkwardness that makes me wonder if he is having second thoughts. should i just spend time with him and get to know him better to see if the awkwardness smooths out? should i ask him out right if he wants to take it further?

[Nick9]

Hi 99sporks,
I admit I am a bit clueless myself now. I don't see where the problem might be? He said he wanted more, so doesn't that mean exactly what you are looking for? I mean to get to know him better than you know him now? All I can see here is a win win situation.
I don't think you can plan your relatinship that much in the beginning. Go with the flow, do something together that won't include sex (or not only sex), talk and you'll see if you like to be around him. If you both like what you will have, THEN you can take it further.
But as far as I see it, it looks good

[LateBloomer]

this may be a dumb question but im kind of clueless when it comes to relationships.

i am 24 and have very little experience with relationships. i met a guy in his thirties and things took off really fast. he is a nice, responsible guy and he has said that he is looking for more than a couple hook ups. i am too. we havent really gotten to know each other very well and it causes awkwardness that makes me wonder if he is having second thoughts. should i just spend time with him and get to know him better to see if the awkwardness smooths out? should i ask him out right if he wants to take it further?

Dating is awkward.

I might even go so far as to say, "dating SUCKS", but that would only reveal my age and cynicism. Hah...


But I also think at your age dating should be fun and casual. It's a good way to get to know yourself and other people, obviously. So, yeah, you should try to ask him out and spend more time with him, possibly get to know him better and share some pleasant time together.

But if you do think he's having second thoughts you might be right. He might not be feeling a connection or attraction. It's impossible to say until you ask him out.

Of course you could just wait for him to ask YOU out, but in the meantime you're sorta stuck in limbo, right?

It's your choice. Personally, I prefer to be low pressure, but at some point you need to ask for what you'd like.

Good luck, keep us posted.

[zeon]

hello,
The best thing to do is not rush where fools fear to tread.... Take things slowly and piece by piece and say if in a months time if its still as magical you know its time for the next stage of taking the steps to freedom by asking if his interested in getting into a relationship and explain that you are falling for him... Giving it a month gives him time to adapt abnd get used to you

kindest regards

zeon x

[pellaz]

i would not say you have a relationship with him other than a few dates.
yes get to know him better but you can date other people too? Just best you are honest with everyone.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

What is it that you are expecting to happen?

Awkwardness when two people meet is pretty much a standard condition, especially if both have high hopes and lots of emotions that they are uncertain if they should or should not express. At what point does 'open honesty' sound like your a needful thing?

It doesn't help when society teaches us to play stupid games. Such as 'who calls whom first?' Most people will tell you, 'oh wait a couple of days' or 'let him call you first' - thing his his friends are telling him the same advice.

I don't know what kind of person you are, me - personally - I am all about painful honesty - yes even if it hurts I will say it. I don't pussy foot around, I don't play mind games. I would ask him point blank - "Where are we? Where are we going? Is there an 'us' here?"

BUT - that is me - this is my personality and if people do not like my short and to the point bluntness then they ain't gonna like being around me so there is no us to this thing anyhow.

So you need to know who you are - the real you - not the mask that you wear on the date terrified you will say the wrong thing and push him away. After all, 6-9-12 months down the road you are going to let that mask slip and then he will see you - the real you and he will either have to like it and stick around, or more or less assume he can 'change you' and stick it out and end up being in this complex relationship that is doomed to land up on the rocks because way back at the beginning you and he were too busy keeping up appearances to understand that 'This is who and what I am, gotta love it.'

Are you the perfectly blunt, to the point type who asks direct questions? IF so ask away.

If not, then do what ever it is you usually do and wing it from there. Be who it is you are.