I look and act completely straight (well except for the fact that I melt over hot guys). My fiance knows I like boys, she is okay with it, so she is not the problem. The problem is... I don't think anyone will believe me if I come out because I look and act "straight", and this is more terrifying for me than just staying in the closet. What should I do? Also... I am thinking of just forever staying in the closet with regards to my family. They are terrified (I don't know if that's the right word) of gay people. I feel like they would love me less, even though they have said before that they will always love me. Should I come out to family or not? What the hell should I do here?
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
AlephNull Wrote:... fiance knows I like boys, she is okay with it, so she is not the problem ... sounds complicated already, all good:redface:
AlephNull Wrote:... They are terrified (I don't know if that's the right word) of gay people. ... so they are unsure of their sexuality.
AlephNull Wrote:... I feel like they would love me less ... but would you love your self more.
If your self supporting you have to do what you want. If the parents still help out; the tuition and or rent check is generous and on time why rock the boat. Either way wait till you feel good about telling the parents. When considering your own sexual preference you owe the family nothing.
AlephNull Wrote:I look and act completely straight... dont we all.
•
Posts: 1,296
Threads: 77
Joined: Jun 2009
Reputation:
0
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign:  Virgo
Mood:
siblings are usually better to start with, my sister has always protected me and cared about me, its differant with each person but "usually" they come around cause yes they love you and are kinda used to who you are, James
•
Posts: 1,296
Threads: 77
Joined: Jun 2009
Reputation:
0
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign: Virgo
Mood:
Do have a question for everyone what is acting straight vs acting gay?
•
James Wrote:Do have a question for everyone what is acting straight vs acting gay? Its silly really, but people do believe in it to the point where they might not believe me if I said I like guys. Oh well.
Do they really "ussualy" come around? Do they really usually end up supporting their family? sorry to doubt. Im just afraid.
•
Hi AlephNull!. What do you mean coming out?. You want to tell them that you´re bisexual or that you´re gay. Here we have some things to consider before we make a decision:
Why do you want to come out?. You want to be honest with them because you love them and want to show them your appreciation and confidence?. You want to release a burden you´ve carried for a long time?. What´s the point in this situation?.
I advise you to think if its more what you´re going to win coming out than what you´re going to loose.
What do you expect from them once they have the confirmation?. You want to be able to talk about the topic with them whenever you want?. I mean, you went to the market and saw a hunk and want to share the experience with them?. If you´re talking about a fiancé is because maybe you´d marry her, wouldn´t you?. If you´re gonna have a life that to the public eye is heterosexual, what´s the benefit to talk about this with them?.
You know, if you are already independent and can maintain yourself in case of contempt, if you have a net of friends that can provide you moral support and affection in case you´ll need it, a place to live without your family help, that´s a good start. Otherwise, you should wait until you´re more prepared. On the other hand, you know your family, you´ve lived with them for many years and you may be able to foretell their possible reactions. You need to be prepared before you take the first step.
I don´t know how difficult was for you to accept your sexual orientation, but keep in mind that when we realize that we are different we past through an acceptance and reflexion process; so they will, but the difference is that we´ve had a lot of time to think it over, and they hadn´t. Sometimes it takes time to assimilate this kind of issues, because our family always have expectations about us, and although nowadays is a more accepted matter, is also associated with negative ideas. And they have the right to be mad at you because they have their own ideas and moral values. You can´t force them to accept the idea of you being of another sexual orientation. What I want to tell you is that if you decide to tell them, they may take it well or not, it depends on every person. You´ll have to run the risk, so you´ll need to see if it´s worthwhile. Maybe you don´t have to come out right now, you can start preparing them with information about the topic, like watching movies about the LGBT community (In that case I´ll recommend you Prayers for Bobby (2009), with Sigourney Weaver, Kissing Jessica Stein (2001) with Jennifer Westfeldt and Heather Juergensen, The sum of us (1994), see their reaction and talk like the voice of reason…the idea is that they have the opportunity to see other people lifes in similiar situations; the moral of the story should show that it doesn´t matter if you like cocks of pussies or both of them, because you´re the same person with feelings, dreams, projects and you love them. It helps a lot if the movies show parents in a supportive position. There´s a post here in the forum that has a list of a lot of good Gay themed movies, Why don´t you give it a shot?. You can educate them a little before shooting the good news.
Don´t be afraid, and don´t be hasty!. Coming out its like building a house, planning a war, winning the superbowl…you need to plan it carefully and use a strategy.
Another thing you can do is search for articles about coming out here in the forum, or in the net, take your time to read them and get some information. And if you have questions feel free to ask. At least now you have the support of the people of this forum, don´t you think?.
I came out many years ago, and my experience was good. My family accepts me and respect my life, but that doesn´t mean they like to talk about it. In fact when I happen to talk about a love interest, or a related topic, some of my relatives show interest, and some don´t and always try to change the subject.
Cheer up and I hope everything goes well for you. Regards!
•
StarletHologram Wrote:Hi AlephNull!. What do you mean coming out?. You want to tell them that you´re bisexual or that you´re gay. Here we have some things to consider before we make a decision:
Why do you want to come out?. You want to be honest with them because you love them and want to show them your appreciation and confidence?. You want to release a burden you´ve carried for a long time?. What´s the point in this situation?.
I advise you to think if its more what you´re going to win coming out than what you´re going to loose.
What do you expect from them once they have the confirmation?. You want to be able to talk about the topic with them whenever you want?. I mean, you went to the market and saw a hunk and want to share the experience with them?. If you´re talking about a fiancé is because maybe you´d marry her, wouldn´t you?. If you´re gonna have a life that to the public eye is heterosexual, what´s the benefit to talk about this with them?.
You know, if you are already independent and can maintain yourself in case of contempt, if you have a net of friends that can provide you moral support and affection in case you´ll need it, a place to live without your family help, that´s a good start. Otherwise, you should wait until you´re more prepared. On the other hand, you know your family, you´ve lived with them for many years and you may be able to foretell their possible reactions. You need to be prepared before you take the first step.
I don´t know how difficult was for you to accept your sexual orientation, but keep in mind that when we realize that we are different we past through an acceptance and reflexion process; so they will, but the difference is that we´ve had a lot of time to think it over, and they hadn´t. Sometimes it takes time to assimilate this kind of issues, because our family always have expectations about us, and although nowadays is a more accepted matter, is also associated with negative ideas. And they have the right to be mad at you because they have their own ideas and moral values. You can´t force them to accept the idea of you being of another sexual orientation. What I want to tell you is that if you decide to tell them, they may take it well or not, it depends on every person. You´ll have to run the risk, so you´ll need to see if it´s worthwhile. Maybe you don´t have to come out right now, you can start preparing them with information about the topic, like watching movies about the LGBT community (In that case I´ll recommend you Prayers for Bobby (2009), with Sigourney Weaver, Kissing Jessica Stein (2001) with Jennifer Westfeldt and Heather Juergensen, The sum of us (1994), see their reaction and talk like the voice of reason…the idea is that they have the opportunity to see other people lifes in similiar situations; the moral of the story should show that it doesn´t matter if you like cocks of pussies or both of them, because you´re the same person with feelings, dreams, projects and you love them. It helps a lot if the movies show parents in a supportive position. There´s a post here in the forum that has a list of a lot of good Gay themed movies, Why don´t you give it a shot?. You can educate them a little before shooting the good news.
Don´t be afraid, and don´t be hasty!. Coming out its like building a house, planning a war, winning the superbowl…you need to plan it carefully and use a strategy.
Another thing you can do is search for articles about coming out here in the forum, or in the net, take your time to read them and get some information. And if you have questions feel free to ask. At least now you have the support of the people of this forum, don´t you think?.
I came out many years ago, and my experience was good. My family accepts me and respect my life, but that doesn´t mean they like to talk about it. In fact when I happen to talk about a love interest, or a related topic, some of my relatives show interest, and some don´t and always try to change the subject.
Cheer up and I hope everything goes well for you. Regards! I want to come out because its weird hiding it from people. I really don't care to talk about it that much. I mean, I didn't even talk to my parents about girls, but I feel like im being dishonest in not telling my family this and letting them assume im straight. I fell like I'm telling a lie of omission.
Thanks for the advice. I think I will just hide it for now. The time will come.
•
Put me in a crowd of a thousand straight men and play 'Spot the Poof' and I'll bet you a million dollars I will be the last of those 1000 you would pick.
•
|
Coming out
