Time, Shadows, Being Inside

[SadSilence]

There in the hall hundreds of kids passed me, they moved at lighting speed. The world about me moved so fast but here in my little space time moved so slowly, I sometimes catch glimpses of the kids. Eyes straight forward, unaware of what was about them, like drones. To them minutes felt like seconds and hours like minutes. To me... seconds felt like minutes and minutes like hours. Each step I took felt like a triathlon. A never changing beat.

Sitting and listening to the same old rabble, day in and day out. Shrivled vines my vocal cords, fading further back. Looking down upon myself, shadowed by everyone. "You shop there?" "You just have poor work ethnic" "He just doesn't care" what can I say? "Unlike you I'm poor so I can't shop at fancy places" "My emotional and physical health is more important than school? I can go back to school, I can't go back to my old body and emotional status" "No I don't care, I don't give a damn because no one listens, I've tried but it's always the same: dirty looks, a careless shrug, and a simple okay then it's dismissed. So I apologize for not caring, but you made me this way"

I oftenly find myself staring at ruins but to them it's a golden palace of paradise. You're all looking it, it doesn't seem so bad does it? But to me I'm looking out; forget the pen and letter, no one will respond. Forget the open hand, no one will hold on to you. Forget beds and pillows, you'll never be at rest. Forget the light, you'll never receive it. Forget the doors, they'll always be locked from the other side. Forget the waters, you'll never be able to sail away. Forget the skies, you'll never be able to fly away.

[colourblindguy]

SadSilence,
Your words are always so deep. They touch me to my soul. You are a very very talented young guy. You could be a very rich man if your poems got published. I wish, with all my heart, the very best for you. You're in my prayers, and on my heart and mind. Please, please, please, DO NOT GIVE UP!!! You have a great and amazing future head of you. You just have to keep your head up. All the best to you.

[Nick9]

God, SadSilence, your posts will be my own therapy. It feels so intense to get lost in them. I can relate to so many things, that it scares me.

Try to look around more often and a bit more carefully. There is a high possibility that somewhere in those hundreds, there is someone who goes home every day to lay in his bed and stare at his ceiling...

People stopped caring about the ones who are around. Questions like How are you? Are you okay? had lost their meaning long time ago. Hell, they are not questions anymore. No one who says them is interested in how you are feeling. And people know that and so they always lie when someone "asks." And when you are in trouble, you need to scream so that somebody noticed you. And then you realize, why bother...

One of the worst feeling for me is being let down by someone you care for. Because it is hard to understand and if you don't understand, you can't completely forgive. It is like a little piece of gravel in your shoe. You can walk, but it hurts.

But I believe that all good things and also the bad ones shape us in what we are. No, you can't go back to your emotional status. And I believe that it is a good thing. You matured earlier that your schoolmates. And there is that possibility, that thanks to that you will be able to find your life partner much sooner. They may date already. But dating and sharing life with someone is not the same thing.

Your bad experiences made you more sensitive and caring. I doubt that you ever say How are you? without being interested.
You will need everything what you has already learned in your future relationships. You already understand more things than your schoolmates. You are also stronger and a bigger fighter. You are caring and perceptive to other people's problems.

Because your current so very hard days. Every day of your struggle gets you closer to your future partner. Because of your maturity you will know sooner what you expect from your partner and you will know what is important in long time relationship. Many other people get to know that much much later. That's one of the things that break up relationships. People being immature a not knowing what they want and what they are looking for. Which human qualities their future partner must have.

Every part of that triathlon you run every day, takes you ahead of others. High school solves different problems than you will need to solve later. Sometimes I feel like you are living your adult life already. I don't think that it is a bad thing. Once out of school, the life may get much easier for you.

[zeon]

hello sad slience,
Have you thought of doing something with your creative mind??? The words you rtype create a picture which is a form of art but in a different respect so why not consider maybe putting this into a picture and see how it helps you see what inside feels

Kindest regards

zeon x

[pellaz]

Forget the doors, they'll always be locked from the other side. Forget the waters, you'll never be able to sail away. Forget the skies, you'll never be able to fly away.

where you will never fly; some doors will be open, its up to us to find them

[James]

So if I open my hand and say I will hold on to you till you feel better and again if you feel worse would you turn it down? Jim

[Prometheus]

Nice writing, lots of emotion: Ambivalence, angst, scorn, torpor... Much more constructive than self-injury and we all enjoy reading it. Keep it up.

[Rainbowmum]

Very deep and profound.

[zeon]

hi sad just a qui8ck msg to say hope ur doing ok mister and feeling lil better