Something has been bothering me and I really need some advice. I want a boyfriend and a relationship but I'm afraid of contracting STDs. I've done extensive research on the subject and even when using condoms, all sex has some risk. I thought maybe if I met someone and we both were head over heels for each other, that we could get tested before we started having sex to be safe. I also thought since I'm more of a bottom, that if I dated a guy that only topped it would be safe. But how do I know if he's not cheating on me? Do I be alone the rest of my life or do I risk my life for intimacy and romance? It seems like a lose lose situation.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Posts: 2,418
Threads: 41
Joined: Oct 2008
Reputation:
0
Mood: None
Life is risky. Relationships require trust. Certainty is a rare luxury.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
•
And condoms do limit risk by serious magnification... just be wary of genital warts and crabs... these are things that cannot be blocked through use of condoms, but should instead not be a problem by assuring you are aware of your partner's body.
•
your only partially in a relationship if you feel you cant trust your partner.
more risk for the bottom
straight sex has its issues too, pregnancy is a big issue along with the same hiv/ std stuff.
•
Posts: 1,296
Threads: 77
Joined: Jun 2009
Reputation:
0
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign: 
Virgo
Mood:
All relationships require trust and understanding, remember we all say things we don't mean at times, so we have to throw out the trash, and evaluate the from the heart information, do not use what you know against the other person, all sex comes with risk, hetro to gay, test more than once as some std's take a few month's to show up in testing, to be absolutly safe be a hermit, leading a solitary life, kinda boring I would think, James
•
All sexual orientations have safety issues with unprotected sex.
It all boils down to trust and keeping both of you safe.
If you trust him , perhaps you should both get a full medical test.
•
I agree whole heartedly with the testing sentiment. If you have been in the relationship for a short time and there isn't that kind of trust built up yet --- don't do it. I think you can have very safe gay sex without condoms by making sure you're with someone that wouldn't ever cheat on you (i could never be with someone that is slutty..yuck. I'm a one man kind of guy, always and forever.)
•
This was and will always be a real issue for me.
The first thing I worked on was figuring out what my comfort zone would be for this. For me personally, I'm not going to risk my life for a quick fuck. I don't apologize for that and I am very upfront about only being interested in monogamous relationships.
The second thing was I decided I cannot be shy about MY life or MY health. So, I promised myself to have no qualms about asking someone to get tested and showing me the results. And, never shying away from someone asking me.
When I met my bf, I was just blunt that this was a big issue for me. We DATED for quite a while, JUST dated. :tongue: We spent a lot of time on romancing each other.
I judge people, I read people and I watch people. I'm not going to be blind when it effects my life. I needed facts to make a decision on whether or not I wanted to be with him. I made sure he realized I didn't need a bf. I talked to him and listened to how he made decisions and what value he placed on life. Some people will think this is stupid but we did things together (volunteering at school events and stuff) that wasn't always romance and alone time. We both understand the concept of self-discipline. He could have walked away and said I was too much trouble, and I was ok with that because I only wanted to be with someone who was willing to invest, communicate and respect me. I'd rather a broken heart than an STI.
Also, I got this from a very special former GS member, marshlander. One day he posted about fidelity being a gift. And, that it's something you give to your partner, not demand. Also, East has spoken many times about the importance of honesty in a relationship and making unrealistic promises.
Well, I used these things as discussion builders with my bf. Our values and personal ethics mesh. We both believe that fidelity is a gift to each other, and the only thing we've promised each other is honesty and respect.
Is there any guarantee? No.
So, communicate, demand tests, build trust and respect yourself enough to speak up about what you need to be comfortable and safe.
•
Can gay sex be risk free?
