Well here I go again

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Ok so you go to different cities ending up in dance clubs that you think may be gay, but don't know - because they may be straight?

http://boise.gaycities.com/bars/ might be helpful...

The last time I checked Boise is ranked as a city.... so I can't figure out what you have to go to another city to find a GAY bar or a GAY dance club....

Unless you are hiding in a closet (If so I missed that thread, sorry) there should be no reason to not go to a local place - over and over again, get to know the people - your people in your city.

If your running around and hitting brick walls all the time then perhaps God is sending you a message.

Yeah yeah yeah, I know - don't bring HIM into it. Sorry but I will my demon, erm D.Min needs a bit of exercise :tongue:

You may 'want' something, but God knows what you need. God - providence, fate - dharma whatever you want to call the infinite - tends to present us with situations and experiences which push us to discover the difference between what we want and what we need.

I think the infinite is sending you a direct message here. Since I am not you I can't know 100% what that message is, but I suspect from what you have written that the infinite knows you need to work on yourself before you get into an 'us' situation and start working on 'us'.

You are focused right now on 'wanting' a lover. I suspect you feel that a lover will fill some gap inside of you. Lovers are not cement, they are not hole repair compounds - they are, well a lot of things which may include some patch work done for free.

Ok, we know what you want. Now, what is it that you need?

Self Image:

(snip)...because i'm a bit on the heavy side but hide my weight well

First word that pops to mind: Bear.

http://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en#hl=en&...93&bih=605

I'm not a bear, plus I lack body hair so I can't even be classified as a cub. But that didn't stop me from dating and getting into relationships with bears. Because, you see, I have a strong fascination with 'big' men. I'm not talking morbidly obese men, I'm talking men who had a nice layer of padding and who carry it well. Got muscle under that padding plus - got so much hair on the body you need to brush it out - many more pluses.

There are many more like me who actually prefer 'big' and 'bigger' men. Hairy men - manly men - real men :tongue:

I'm very big into the arts so that consumes most of my free time to begin with. By arts I mean music which I can 3 instruments and learning a fourth and I sing but not solo. I am an artist that knows how to paint draw, sculpture, pottery, beading as in Native American work (which I am very big into and take most of my time) I go camping hiking, I like to ride bikes which I do both mtn and road biking. I love to dance and go to the movie so as far as hobbies go I don't have problems in that department.

Seems to me you are a great guy with lots of talents and interests.

I think you are underselling yourself, um selling yourself short.

And I think providence/God whatever you want to call that thing that underpins the universe is trying to get you to wake up and see yourself and love yourself, before you get into an us and have to focus on another.

[dlboy53]

Ok First off forgot that I use my Boise address as my tag for where I'm from and yes I have lived in Boise but now I live in Caldwell Idaho which is 22 to 25 mile away, Canldwell, Nampa, and Meridian are cities close to Boise but none of them to my knowledge or research has a gay scene so that is why I say travel to another city to go to the gay bar or dance club. Yes I'm a bit bigger then some but still very athletic and no I'm not a bear nor really classify myself as one but then again that the native inside me( and if your not familiar with native Americans we tend to lack in body hair and facial hair. As for the God thing well today was a blessing for me even though it might it just might start sinking in I have realized that God love me for who I am not for what people think I am. I think when I gave to one of my friends yesterday some money for gas even though I myself have been struggling with finances sense 2006 do to several lay offs and less to be desired jobs that don't pay penny's. I was blessed 10 fold today that would help me out. which in turn got me thinking that if God hated me for being gay then why would he bless me in such a good way. Over all I can't tell you what I need. For all I know you maybe right Bowyn maybe I need to wake up and see myself and love myself, and if that is the case I can tell you that I really don't know how to love myself. I think I have such a think shell on me because of all the hurt that has happened to me when I was young. I think today was a break through but I really don't know where to go from there or what to do but I do know now that God loves me for who I am.

I hope this babble is understandable. Thanks for you eyes / ears

Lee

[dlboy53]

I think one good thing that happened today is I told my pastor and my best friend that God loves me for who I am and not for what people think I am. I think this will be the closes that I come out to them without coming out. If you don't know they are both don't believe in the gay life style so with out hurting the good relationship I don't think it will be possible to come out to them fully but I sure can drop hints that God loves me for who I am not for what I appear to be to others.

[dlboy53]

Well Monday night has now past. Learned a few thing and a few things have set me back so now it is even harder to find groups to go to.

Well Started off by going to the LBGT center today and found that there was nobody there again so I started to take off when I decided to check the back door which was open so I went in and started to look for someone and found different information on a couple of events that are happening then a person showed up to see if i needed help so I told her why I was there. She proceeded to tell me that that the center did not have much of a volunteer staff and that the center was struggling financially so they have not been able to put on hardly any functions for the LGBT community. Come to find out she is the pastor of the gay church that hold services there and she said that their about 20 to 25 strong.

So Now I went to the gay square dance hoping that I would have better luck. Well I did meet a few people, but to find out that this was a class that was well into its lesson of square dance so did not get to do any dances so during their break I tried talking to a few of them and asked many questions but found that there really is no real set of functions for gay people in this valley. Then most of the people here are couples in which 2 of them I hope that I have started some kind of friendship with but only time will tell.

So now the day has ended I not sure how I feel, part of me feels that I'm back to square one and alone again with no where to turn:confused: