is he cheating???

[slokara]

hi,

I need help I know I wrote much but please help me. This is my first falling in love. So I do not know what to do

I never believed before that I would fall in love with a man. At least not now, maybe later. Because I am 23 and I like men over 45 (: So I did not think a good future if I fall in love now. But nobody knows the future. And I met him about 1-1.5 month ago. He is 50 and living in another city. 4 weeks ago I went there to see him. I stayed with him for 6 days, and these days were the best days I ever had. We did everything we wanted but we couldn't do before. For example we walked in the street hand to hand Nobody saw us it was wonderful for me. And we said each other we love each other. When I find time, I always go to see him. He really loves me. I know that. We are always talking on the phone everyday more than 2 hours. I know everything what he is doing during the day and of course he knows mine also. We put our kissing as msn photo After that time, nobody wrote me anything They know I love him. And he also put our photo to msn. So everybody knows we are lovers.

After we said we loved each other, I said him that you are going to be one. I know many gay relations. People are saying that he is my boy friend but they can also sleep with any other guys. I hate this, I always thought that same rules for straight relations are valid for gay relations. I said him that, and he said "of course, you are going to be one for me also." But I said "you do not have cancel your account, you are living alone and you can make friend using the Internet. I believe you and our relation is based on trust." He is living alone, and do not have so much friends. He said "thank you, I will never cheat you"

I hate myself but I know his account password. And he knows that I know his password. One day I login his account and looked for past messages. And he replied one of his coming messages as I am visitable. :S I was shocked. Immediately I made a fake account and send him a message. He replied. He asked for msn. I gave him a fake msn. Then we chatted on msn. But he did not change his photo. Photo was him with me. He did not know he was talking with me. And I started to asked him " is he your bf, do you want to cheat him. Have u ever cheat him" etc etc. But he said "I never cheat on him, he is everything for me. I never disturb him. I really love him. I can do everything for him" etc etc. I was really happy. Then I said OK and logged out. He called me immediately and told me that story. I said they are jealous

He is really kind to me. I am studying and he is always giving me some stuff to eat in my dormitory. He always says that I need to gain weigh. He really loves me. I am 100% sure for that. But I login his account another time. I saw that he was deleting coming messages. :S at first he did not know how to delete going messages. So I looked his going messages. He sent to another person that he wass visitable :S Actually on his profile, it is written that his boyfriend is me. I got really sad I made another fake account and sent him a message as a stranger, out of turkey but visiting turkey. Before I went him, I have send a message : "I want sex, can I come and visit you" He replied he wont be available for this week but another week they can meet. He did not invited at home. Anyway, I just asked him as a stranger that whether he is active or passive, he did not answer this and said "what do you like." I said "I am passive" and finally he asked "when are you available?" We were talking in English. He never said that they will have sex. But I think he wants to invite to home Then I login his account again, and saw that all messages were deleted. Is not it a bit suspicious? I know that I said he can make friend but do you think he is gonna cheat on me? He knows that I never forgive him if he cheats, but I really want to be with him.

I am afraid of losing him. When I am with him, he is so kind to me. He really loves me I am sure that. Actually he wants me to stay him forever. When I am with him, he never behaves skeptical. But the messages are making me crazy. He never said that he wants to have sex but he is behaving as if he wants to have sex I cannot share him with others.

I gave him a fake msn. Tonight I guess we will talk. I will try to learn what is his really aim. If he wants to have sex, I will reveal myself and finish everything. Do you think is he cheating

Please help me

[OrphanPip]

It sounds like he might at least be looking to cheat, you should talk to him. I'm not going to say you should end things because he may have cheated on you, that has to do with your own comfort zone and what you think is appropriate for a relationship. Talk to him about it, it sounds like you've already made it clear you're not comfortable with an open relationship. Also, use protection, if you can't trust him you do not want to put your health at risk.

[East]

I am going to be blunt...you are practicing deception so it is not him you should worry about...it is yourself. I think you should contemplate your own deception before you address what he might be doing...you actually know what you are doing.

I would rather someone cheat on me than lying and spying on me. Lying is worse than cheating for me personally.

Sorry for my bluntness...I am actually trying to help you by being blunt but I understand if it does not come across that way. I do wish you luck.

[OrphanPip]

I am going to be blunt...you are practicing deception so it is not him you should worry about...it is yourself. I think you should contemplate your own deception before you address what he might be doing...you actually know what you are doing.

I would rather someone cheat on me than lying and spying on me. Lying is worse than cheating for me personally.

Sorry for my bluntness...I am actually trying to help you by being blunt but I understand if it does not come across that way. I do wish you luck.

To be fair they're lying to each other. The spying I think is proof that the OP at least does not feel he can trust his partner, which is probably a sure sign that the relationship should probably end.

[East]

To be fair they're lying to each other. The spying I think is proof that the OP at least does not feel he can trust his partner, which is probably a sure sign that the relationship should probably end.

That is true but I think that if you have to spy and lie it is no longer relevant what the other person is or isnt doing in my opinion.

[slokara]

To be fair they're lying to each other. The spying I think is proof that the OP at least does not feel he can trust his partner, which is probably a sure sign that the relationship should probably end.

you know what, I really know myself and if I can get rid of this feeling, I won't never login his account or spy on him. But I need to be ensure things.

We have talked each other on the phone more then 30 mins I really enjoy talking with him and he also enjoys. He is always saying " I look forward you to coming my home " He really wants me with him. I said "I never considered myself as a jealous person before, but I really jealous of you from other people. I know I said you can use your account but I am afraid a bit " and he replied " Don't worry, this never happens. You are the one for me." And also he is always asking whether I have money or not. I never asked for money but he wants to take care of me. I will never take his money and he knows this but offering money to me makes me happy. That shows he cares about me.

Some of my part say he really loves me, but some of my part say he really loves me but he also wants to have sex with others

PS: We always use protection

[Prometheus]

lol, I dunno what to say to this really. It all sounds dangerous to me. If I were him, I'd be pissed about your fake MSN scheme.. But likelier he could have known it was you and just manipulated you even more. I can only imagine the tactical advantage someone that age has on you, be careful.

[slokara]

lol, I dunno what to say to this really. It all sounds dangerous to me. If I were him, I'd be pissed about your fake MSN scheme.. But likelier he could have known it was you and just manipulated you even more. I can only imagine the tactical advantage someone that age has on you, be careful.

If I did not really love him, I wouldn't do this. I hate myself But I need to realize whether this is real or just a dream

[zeon]

hello,
My best advice is stop logging into his account because as east said this causes deception and the only thing to base things on is trust... Eventually if he is cheating it would come out of the wood work anyhow... I know that by going on his account you are also giving an impression that you do not trust yourself either mister because you are self reprojecting onto him what infact you may do... If he does cheat then if you feel its un forgivable then drop him and move onto the next one over time... The problem with men is they have higher sex drives than women so therefore regular pleasure should sort this out... I dont want to comment too much or slate him because every coin has two sides and the way you are interpreting this could be mis understood... Flirting is harmless and when done online is even more harmless... I had an ex once who tried to catch me out however i knew the words and the way he talked and flirted back because i knew it wound him up...

If you love him trust him otherwise you will just find it going sour...

[Rainbowmum]

Where is the trust?
Has your partner ever done anything, to deserve this complete invasion of his privacy?

I will be completely honest with you here.

Without trust there is no relationship, you are deluding yourself , if you are justifying
this spying and complete mistrust .

If someone did that to me , it would be finished .

Do not ever use your insecurities as justification to spy on someone.
Come to grips with yourself and accept who you are.