I don't care anymore

[SadSilence]

Please don't, I just want to left alone now. Please don't come saying "Did I say something" or "What's wrong". I just want to be left alone please. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything anymore. I just want to sleep, but I seem not to be able to. Screaming on the inside gets tiring, but it's all I can do. I don't have the will to fight anymore, I'll do what you want, go where you want as long as you cease to speak and exsist in my world. Behind this 'smile' lie words of hate and anger, but I spare you of them. Why? I don't know.

You ask me "How are you" and all I can reply is "It doesn't matter" because feel numb doesn't matter, because you can't feel anything. How am I to describe being numb to you? "I'm okay" that's what I'm suppose to say right? To get you off my back, to shut your etching voices out of my head. Finally my smile is the best lie I've got and use it nearly every day of my life so I don't have to hear you.

Turn out the lights, curl up in my blankets, pillows, and hug myself, Trying to make myself feel like I belong here, in this world, in this body. Because I never do.

Just one more thing to you 'friends' if you cared about how I felt you wouldn't force yourselves on top of me. Forcing my sleeves down so you can see my arms. If you cared you'd let it be. Because I'm reminded every day of my deeds, I don't need you reminding me also :'(

[Nick9]

SadSilence,

please don't play that silly game of others.
How are you?
Fine.

We don't do this in my country and it literally drives me up the wall to hear this. I guess it's become part of your greeting, but God, it shouldn't have!

How are you? means I do care, I am interested, I am here for you and I want to help.

Don't flatten it to a obligatory phrase that means absolutely nothing. No wonder people learned to lie.
Break that circle, SadSilence. Tell them how you really feel. Many people at GS know damn well how numb feels.
Sure, some "friends" may run away, but there is a chance you will find someone who will know exactly how you feel.

There is nothing wrong with the need to be alone. When you feel better try to mingle again though.
"Did I say something" or "What's wrong"
See? They didn't forget you, they still care. So, tell them what's wrong. That you feel sad and perhaps nothing makes sense and there seems to be no future. Ask them if they feel like that sometimes too.

We all try to wear our mask, but we are always happy when we find someone to share our true "I" and our honest thoughts and feeling with.

You can be that precious someone and he/she can help you too
You are probably more matured than your schoolmates. Maybe you could find friends among adults? Do you have hobbies that adults do too? I mean, do you meet some nice people that are older than you? Maybe you could ask your therapist what she think about this idea.

And numb does matter. Because it's your feeling and YOU MATTER, SadSilence

[pellaz]

SadSilence; sounds like you had a looong day

[mrk2010]

SadSilence,

please don't play that silly game of others.
How are you?
Fine.

We don't do this in my country and it literally drives me up the wall to hear this. I guess it's become part of your greeting, but God, it shouldn't have!

How are you? means I do care, I am interested, I am here for you and I want to help.

Don't flatten it to a obligatory phrase that means absolutely nothing. No wonder people learned to lie.
Break that circle, SadSilence. Tell them how you really feel. Many people at GS know damn well how numb feels.
Sure, some "friends" may run away, but there is a chance you will find someone who will know exactly how you feel.

There is nothing wrong with the need to be alone. When you feel better try to mingle again though.
"Did I say something" or "What's wrong"
See? They didn't forget you, they still care. So, tell them what's wrong. That you feel sad and perhaps nothing makes sense and there seems to be no future. Ask them if they feel like that sometimes too.

We all try to wear our mask, but we are always happy when we find someone to share our true "I" and our honest thoughts and feeling with.

You can be that precious someone and he/she can help you too
You are probably more matured than your schoolmates. Maybe you could find friends among adults? Do you have hobbies that adults do too? I mean, do you meet some nice people that are older than you? Maybe you could ask your therapist what she think about this idea.

And numb does matter. Because it's your feeling and YOU MATTER, SadSilence

I totally agree with the hobby thing Nick9, being online in a computer all the time drives me up the wal and getting out there may help build confidencel. Sometimes sadsilence you need to just get out there and meet new people and do activities that are actually constructive. Tbh I think I'm gonna stop commenting on all depression threads and other things of this nature because I don't feel qualified to do so and the things I'd say I would only be repeating from other threads I've posted on. I can wish you the best of luck in your endeavours but the only person who can help you is you.

[JRiver]

SadSilence,

You seem very depressed at this time. And you seem to be in the habit of holding people at a distance, even when what you deeply really want is closeness, kindness, tenderness.... Well, I've been there. That was long ago. If you choose to, as I did, you will slowly heal and learn and grow until you find yourself willing and able to be happy, alone and with others.

Never doubt that!

Edit:

Consider changing your online name here from SadSilence to something a little less likely to stay stuck in sadness and silence.

[zeon]

hello Sad silence,
I know your suffering alot with various emotions however the only person who can help you truely is you... I know everyone here will understand from time to time you may lash out at various things but please think what you want in life... Other than death forget that because it cannot happen mister what you need is some goals to work towards then you got direction and with direction you can have progrress

Us at gayspeak can only help or try to if u allow us to do so

My inbox is always open

Aunty Zeon x

[Rainbowmum]

Hang in there kiddo.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Day before you were laughing with your therapist.

Take a deep breath, and carry yourself back in time (oh trust me, you are a time traveler - me - I'm just a mad man IN a box).

Recall the memory of that person making you laugh. Hold it in your mind.

You might actually smile - really smile.