My parents do not accept my Muslim boyfriend....

[Jordy91]

Hello Everyone,

I am a 20 year old Student from the Netherlands.
In the beginning of this year, on a holiday in London, i met a 25 year old guy. Originally his parents are from Afghanistan. But he has been living in the UK since he was 18. He has a British passport.
I have been to London now for 2 times, to visit him. He also came to my place, and we spent some really nice days here.
Because we liked each other a lot, we decided to start something. Distance is not such a big problem, since flights from the Netherlands to London are really cheap and don’t take long… 
Anyway, my parents are not that okey with me having a relationship with an Afghan guy, Muslim, Refugee. He is not a muslim extremist, but he eats halal meat and he sometimes prays.
My parents are afraid of honour killings, because their family might not be as tolerant as a standard European family. And they think that I am going to be a victim of that as well. They are also not sure about his past in Afghanistan. That bothers my parents a lot. His parents still live in Afghanistan, his cousin is okey with him being gay, and his brother doesn't really know something about him being gay, but is suspecting something.
My parents are not happy with me having a relationship with him, and do not accept him at all. I would like to visit my boy again, but I don’t want to hurt my parents. I love all 3 of them.
How many times I tell my parents that i love that guy so much, it doesn’t help……
What should I do? I love him so much…..
Is there anyone with experience ?

Thanks a lot !

[dlboy53]

You have to follow your heart. Your heart will tell you if things with this guy will be ok. I think that is the problem with this world today is once one thing is labeled then all are labeled the same way. Best wishes to you to or what ever you decide.

[dfiant]

From what I understand of Netherlands, apart from being a beautiful country that I would desperately love to visit, is that there is strong opposition to Muslims, some of these prejudices are warranted, but mostly they are unwarranted.

I think that your parents are being unreasonable in putting all potatoes in one bag when they are not all the same. There is a saying 'Not all Muslims are terrorists but most terrorists are muslim.' We look at 9/11, Bali, Spain and the UK Underground and that is ingrain in peoples psyches and weather it is truth or not, that is what a lot of people see as the face of Muslim.

I work with a Muslim and I have absolutely no dramas with him as a person. He is rather placid and softly spoken, respectful and polite.

Perhaps your parents need to be exposed to the good side of Muslims rather than the negative which the media like to portray them as. Not all Muslims come under the one umbrella.

[Jordy91]

From what I understand of Netherlands, apart from being a beautiful contry that I would desperately love to visit, is that there is strong opposition to Muslims, some of these prejudices are warranted, but mostly they are unwarranted.

I think that your parents are being unreasonable in putting all potatoes in one bag when they are not all the same. There is a saying 'Not all Muslims are terrorists but most terrorists are muslim.' We look at 9/11, Bali, Spain and the UK Underground and that is ingrain in peoples psyches and weather it is truth or not, that is what a lot of people see as the face of Muslim.

I work with a Muslim and I have absolutely no dramas with him as a person. He is rather placid and softly spoken, respectful and polite.

Perhaps your parents need to be exposed to the good side of Muslims rather than the negative which the media like to portray them as. Not all Muslims come under the one umbrella.

Hi there, It's true that in the Netherlands there is a strong opposition to muslims. I think that my parents are not used to dealing with a ''normal'' muslim. They are from a generation that did not grew up in a multi-cultural society.
I grew up in a multi-cultural society and environment with people from all over the world and i am quite used to dealing with people from a different culture. I think that they need time to accept it, and i hope that they eventually will accept it .

[Nick9]

I admit I can understand your parents' worries. Not because I think that your friend is a bad person. Not because he is a Muslim. But he comes from different culture, and I think that before you get involved with him, you should know more about it.

About what is considered a standard behavior in his home country, what is common. Who has the main power in the family for example. If it is a father, your friend might be in a position when he won't be allowed to make decision about you and him himself. There might be different rules, values and habits. There are many things that will affect your relationship. The problem can be, that you don't know them yet. You may take a lot of things for granted, because in our society they are standard, but it may be completely different in his country.

And yes, I think that you should know how his country looks at gay people. Not only officially, but unofficially too. If the society is strictly against gay relationship, and your friend hasn't "the last word" in his family, you may get yourself in some problems. It doesn't matter that he has been living in London for seven years. He still meets his ... how do you say it? ... countrymen? He probably needs to obey rules that are common in his country, if he wants to be with them.

I am not saying don't be a friend with him. I suggest, do some research on your own and get as much as information about his country and the "unwritten" common law as you can. Because you could get yourself in trouble. Honestly you wouldn't be the first one I know...

[East]

I hate to say this but I agree with your parents so my choice was either to not respond or to tell you I agree and I suspect you dont' want to hear that....

I also believe in free will and the journey of the soul and I have no idea what that entails for you so do listen to your heart BUT do consider your parents concerns...they are valid.

[LateBloomer]

Hi Jordy.

Have you met your boyfriend's parents?

That may be the answer to your question.

Good luck.

[Rainbowmum]

(I apologize in advance if my opinion offends anyone. it was not meant to offend.I am just being direct as usual.)

Hello Jordy ,
As a parent myself , I can understand where your parents are coming from.
It makes no difference to your parents at the moment, if he is extreme or not, all they are concerned with is your safety.

Unfortunately with Islam , there is no state and religion separation.
And converts to Islam are in the slave class.
That being said it is not a sin to be gay in Islam as long as you stay celibate, but having homosexual relations with another male is a sin.

Go figure , bestiality is not a sin as long as the animal is female.

Unlike other mainstream religions Islam has not changed to adept to the modern world.
Let alone to human or animal rights.

This religion is ancient , stoning is still the preferred way to distribute punishment.
Women are property , they have no rights, children are sold .
I do not blame your parents one tiny bit for being worried.

I myself am not anti Muslim , I am however pro human and animal rights.

[OrphanPip]

I don't exactly get what possible threat a group of people who are not even in the same country as him can possibly pose.

Anyway, you're 20 years old so it's none of your parents' business who you date.

Also, while it's true that most Muslims are more conservative than most Christians on LGBT rights, there are Christian majority countries (Nigeria) with more anti-gay laws than some Muslim countries (Albania and Turkey).

[Jay]

Jordy, I know that you love him dearly but I would like you to ask these questions.Try to think few steps ahead.

• Is he out?
  
• Does he have any intention of coming out?
  
• Is there any possibility that he will obey his parents to marry a woman one day? This is a normal dilemma that occurs amongst gay Muslims. Majority of gay Muslims will marry and have gay affair behind. You can see a lot of these cases in Grindr.
  
• Does he have any intention to come out to his parents?
  

If he can and willing to oppose all these obstacles, support his love.

Go figure , bestiality is not a sin as long as the animal is female.

No offense but this is non-existence in the religion. I was raised as a Muslim and well educated in the religion. Bestiality has to do more with culture. Same goes with honor killing.