Relationship issue :/

[Cmwittr]

So there's this guy who I've been flirting with, mainly by text message. He goes to school with me and everyone assumes he's gay, even though he's never officially confirmed or denied it.

Anyway, we're texting and I start telling him my intimate feelings about him. He's very receptive to them, but doesn't add any of his personal feelings into the conversation. I asked him how he felt, and he basically ignored it and just asked me more questions about how I felt.

I ended up telling him a fairly detailed story about how I first came out to my best (female) friend. I told him how hard it was, but also how much better it felt when someone else knew. His response was "you think you're in a position to tell me what to say after you've been calling me a fag every other day for the past 3 years?". He's right. In the past when I was trying to cover up my own feelings, I used to call him names and make fun of him. I immediately told him how sorry I was and how I only did that to act as a cover for myself. I also told him that I have changed a lot and that I care deeply about him. He never responded after that. It has been about two weeks now, and despite numerous texts I've sent him, he doesn't respond. He also avoids me at school now. Is there anything I can do to show him how sorry I am and that I really and truly regret saying those things?

[monk]

If he doesn't want to know, he doesn't want to know.

You can only try for so long, then you have to let it go - for your own sake.

[Nick9]

Hi, welcome to the forum.
I am afraid you can't just tell him. He needs to see it and learn it about you. And that needs a lot of time. Months, maybe even more. You had hurt him too much, and he is protecting himself right now. Trust is earned.
good luck.

[dfiant]

I can understand his hurt 100%

Sorry mate, you have lost a friend, that's life.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Three years of daily ragging on him and you now suddenly change your tune?

If I was him, I would think you are setting me up to get me to say I am gay so you can a few of your hater buddies could do a Matthew Sheppard on me.

Sure he listened, gauging you and trying to see how far you would go to get him to admit something to justify the beating.

How can he trust you? Just because you send a text telling him you came out of the closet to a friend...

Really, did that happen? Or are you lying? Is there proof?

Oh and don't think you can bring your gal friend to the table, for he's going to think that she is part of that master plan to out him and destroy him.

How are you going to undo three years of bashing?

IF he is gay, he most likely is already pretty savy on how bashers operate and thinks of you as a basher and pretty much knows that you are out to get him, to trip him up to justify future bashing.

This is damage YOU did... Frankly you most likely can't undo that damage.

[minhthien94]

man, u've hurt him a lot.

in this case, lesson learn and u have to move on. If he want to be your friend, he will text u back. but in the mean time, try not to stress too much :biggrin:

[Bookworm]

He's retreated behind his defense walls to protect himself from further aggravation it seems. My guess is he may just view your texts as baiting and more mind games. If someone who had been bullying me for 3 years suddenly turned round and opened their heart to me, I'd be incredibly suspicious too.

Having said that, I'm not sure why he would have your number and be having text chats anyway if the above was the case?

[Rainbowmum]

[COLOR="Purple"]
(I apologize in advance if my opinion and straightforwardness hurts anyone, it was not intended to.)[/COLOR]

Hello CM
First let me say , welcome to GaySpeak.

To be honest with you , there is nothing you can do or say that will make him believe you have changed.
The ship of friendship has sailed , do not expect it to come back to port.
He see's you as one of his tormentors , I can only guess at the hate and anger he has built up over the last three years.

I have always said no mater what relationship ,trust is the key.
Do you think he can trust you ?

What you did was a despicable act of cruelty and hate, and worse still you sided with the enemy.

Let this be a lesson for you , you have turned the page , now make a difference.

[brybry87]

Hey CM,

I'm sorry that your in a position your in, but I think everyone already mentioned it. He has the right to feel the way he does. I have been in his shoes before; he's probably still holding a lot of resentful feelings towards you. As a person who has been made fun of back in my High School days I get where he's coming from. It also hurts a bit more specially when it turns out that the people who made fun of me were they themselves gay.

All I can say is just to keep your distance from him and give it time. I hope he turns around eventually forgives you, but it'll require some time. Good luck dude! :]

[dlboy53]

I think this could be a lost cause and you need to move on. If your really sincere about being sorry then maybe you need to do something public that he can see that does not hurt him but may hurt you. Even then I'm not sure that would be enough to show how truly sorry you are.