Tonight's the night

[jp2012]

Alright so she finally went to bed...

So after some alcohol I sat her down and told her i am gay... you could tell it was like a knife to the throat... she said "Well we know you've been battling with it for years." she said "you're my son and I will always love and support you no matter what, but I cannot accept this part of you." then we talked for awhile about how she feels it's a choice, that I'm closing myself off from the right girl. She wanted me to assure her that if I find a girl is my soul mate later in life I will take that path, i agreed but that she should know that I have never felt that way about any female and to not get her hopes up... I only feel that way about men and to not get her hopes up about a daughter in law. She just kept saying how everyone has feelings for the same sex, I kept responding that those people also have feelings towards the opposite sex, which I don't. She said that it is my choice and I have to make the decisions, she'll love me no matter what, but that she probably won't accept it. We had a few laughs... No tears, a few jokes about how it comes for dad's side of the family... I caught her there and said "see it's genetics not choice!" we laughed a little after that.

Then we talked about how we're going to tell others. She said it will break both of my grandfathers hearts, but my grandmothers probably won't mind. She said dad will act the same as her... She also kept mentioning how this will effect them and that I shouldn't tell people back home. She's a teacher at the most gossipy town in America so I do see how it could be bad, but at the same time I'd like to tell my old friends. Maybe I can wait until my class reunion haha. One thing she didn't understand is why I couldn't keep quiet, not lie but stay in the closet... at the moment I couldn't think of a good response, but now that I've had a little time to think of a response I feel that if I'm not open about it, the perfect person for me will never find me.

Then she said one of her biggest problems is that no one she knows who is gay has had a lifetime relationship/marriage... I said no two couples are alike... Just because my aunt has had horrible problems doesn't mean I will... Straight couples have just the same, if not more problems with relationships... My parents are extremely rare in being in a relationship since she was 15.

So on a scale of 1-10 of my expectations 10 being the best and 1 being the worst I'd rate it an 8...
I think this is just a first step (which is what she said too)... But I really feel that she will warm up... She said that she wants to tell dad and my grandmother when she gets back tomorrow, I said I can call but she said it's not right to do it over the phone.

I want to get her a book or something to help her understand and cope, but I don't really know of anything... Any suggestions?

[Mrmatty376]

Glad it didn't go too bad. Hope things get better and that your family understands.

[nonsequitur]

Happy for you that it didn't go bad...... mile: congratulations

[Watermark]

So happy for you! Brave thing you did there!

[jp2012]

Thank you!

I guess I'm on a roll... I just texted my best friend from high school... She was super supportive like wanting to take me to a club and hook me up haha... She said that most people assumed I was gay in hs because I didn't have very many girlfriends... (haven't had any in college and I'm a senior :/ wonder how many of them assume) She has a kid with the star football player now and he apparently told her all the hs athletes thought I was gay.

Not for sure how to feel about that... Insulted, flattered, ??? I'm shocked that none of them confronted me about it or tried to beat me up suspecting it... May have had something to do with being a teachers kid, even though she was only at my school 2/4 of my years.

Guess I can't hide being gay very well.

I never would have been able to do this without y'all!!!

[Puck]

It was a very courageous act on your part...my congratulations to you mile:

I'm sorry your mother is having trouble accepting it fully - but as you said, it could have been much worse. Let's hope she will come to accept your sexuality fully in the near future.

Best of luck to you mile:

[dlboy53]

I'm glad it went ok for you. As for the High school thing I think people start thinking things over time when someone does not hook up, but at the same time they don't know for a fact so they try to find the fact to support their thinking.

[Lunar]

I want to get her a book or something to help her understand and cope, but I don't really know of anything... Any suggestions?

Hey JP you did a great job :biggrin:
In terms of suggestions, I'm stuck on that too.
I feel as though giving my parents time to think and allowing them to discuss it, will help them cope with the situation. I just don't want them to distance themselves from me. I'm trying to figure out the best method to tackle the situation.
Best of luck

[brybry87]

I'm glad you ended up telling her :]

Sorry to hear that she wasn't all confetti and balloons about it, but if she's open to the idea maybe you should try and find a local PFLAG group around your area..?

Good luck dudee :]

[jp2012]

Thanks for the kind words!
She kept saying her religious convictions are keeping her from accepting it, or something like that. So I'm probably going to have to find a book that is religious AND accepting... Needle in a haystack?
Also she just called and I'm telling dad later this afternoon over the phone. I think I should ask that mom not be in the room... she tends to be controlling and if he is more accepting she could keep him from saying that. But at the same time I don't want him to feel alone.

Edit: forgot to mention that dad is a preachers son... He's not super religious but he is extremely conservative and is like a sheep to anything fox news says. So it should be interesting what happens. Mom joked that she's gonna lock up the guns.