This just doesn't make sense? How can life be fair..

[cosmicLove]

I've been in a relationship with a guy for 4-months, the first serious one I had. I really love him, and I believe he was my first love, if I truly know what love means... Sadly we broke up, but that's a long and quite complicated story. We did keep in touch, however, and we talk occasionally.

Thing is that throughout those 4 months or so, we spent almost every day together and slept in the same bed one next to the other. We got to know one another so quickly and deeply, that retrospectively it seems so amazing how things happened. And now I just simply can't grasp the idea how two people that were so close at some point in their life, now talk only once a week or so? How is this logically possible? I also can't grasp how two people, who were "once" in love, decide to cut off their relationship entirely (this is why I decided that I do want to keep in touch, no matter what. I can't decide yet how healthy is that for me though.)

It just makes me sad every time I'm reminded of the good memories... is he thinking about me too? Is he also thinking about how we used to spend everyday together and now we talk only now and then? Is he thinking about me at all? There were many bad parts to the relationship, which is why we ended it. but there were so many good parts too, which I dearly miss!

I can't accept the idea that life moves on, it shouldn't move on, things like that shouldn't happen! Love shouldn't be broken! People who became so very close at some point should never grow apart! Does anyone else have the same thoughts? How do you deal with such thoughts?

[Lunar]

I can't say that I have much experience with relationships but maybe the two of you just need some time apart from one another. That time apart may help him realize how much he misses you even though the wait can be tormenting. The two of you still keep in touch which is more than some relationships.

Break-ups are just difficult and messy, especially if you really love the other person.

[Mrmatty376]

People are strange, they do strange things, and when things get uncomfortable, they tend to run. But people also get tired, bored, uninterested in things. Not to sound mean or anything, but it was only four months. It may not be that he doesn't like you anymore, it's just that he doesn't like you that much. I'm sure you two shared nice moments together, but it's possible that it still could have been missing something emotionally for him. He'll never forget you, but you can't hold yourself accountable if he doesn't. It's like buying something, like, a book. You can read it over and over, but if your not moved by its words, as time passes you'll put it down and seek something out thats more suitable for you. Its nothing personal, it's just that it wasn't meant to be. He may start to become distant because he's probably out searching for something else or he's just not happy about the way things went for you two and is running from it. But by all means, don't take it personally. He wont forget you completely. The best thing you can do is just store those memories, pick yourself up, and move on. It'll hurt, falling always does, but take the time to rest and heal and you'll find someone better sooner or later. Yeah, its ridiculous how people can just drop a relationship and run off, but its what people do. Not easily explained, you just need to figure out how you want to deal with it. Are you going to dwell on it and let it pull you down? or are you going to take the good that came from it, leave it behind, and keep on going? I'm sorry that you're hurting in this way. It's not a fun feeling, but you're not alone. Just have patience and things will get better.

[Gizzie]

Actually, I am quite the opposite.... I find it impossible to imagine having being caught up with every person I had any connection with.
Whether its a bf or best friend, when it's time for me to move I cut off all ties and move on.

I can't even remember 80% of the people's names and faces I have come across in life, and it doesn't feel weird at all...
My friends keep better track of my exes than I do. Lol

I guess what I am trying to say is, some people can and choose to stay close.
Others like me don't even try.
So you have to find someone that shares s imitate values to you.
If the guy you were with is anything like me, then maybe he moved on. I don't know.
But this is just another one of those things have to accept in life.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Emotions are not logical.

"Many bad parts" to the relationship has caused the break up, obviously these things were too large, too complex or too painful to work on and resolve, thus you two found that while there was love, love just wasn't enough.

Does he think about you and the us you two had - most likely yes. How often - I do not know.

I suspect you all shifted from the 'passionate' love - loves first stage, and entered into the power struggle phase and thinking that love is suppose to be strong and passionate and there ain't suppose to be arguments, you saw your relationship dying and your love lost.

http://www.relationship-help.com/article....asp?id=64 Might make for an interesting read.

Society has handed us a pretty bad idea what love is about. We are forced to figure the truth out as we go along, most of us have to do a relationship or three or more before we figure out that love changes over time.

[cosmicLove]

Thank you all for your insightful thoughts.

Lunar, you're right, we did need some time apart, which is why we both decided to stay apart for a while. And even though I still love him, I have a feeling deep inside that we should not get back together, despite the fact that I really want to! It's like I know that it's no good for me to get back to him, but I still want it so badly.

Mrmatty376, there was something missing, and both of us always felt that. But I still loved him, and he admitted more than once that he loves me too. I know that I should not dwell on it and pull myself down; the smartest move would be to move on and learn from this relationship, hoping for a better one. I can honestly say that I've learnt a lot from it, having been my first serious relationship, but I could literally lose my future if I get stuck thinking about it all the time. But it's the philosophical and logical aspect of this, of relationships, that is hurting me. I mean how, how could you be so close to someone and then suddenly he feels like a stranger to you? You know what I mean? I'm writing this post while I'm lying in my bed, right where he was just beside me merely a month ago, you know? It's just sad to think that life runs that way.

A friend of mine actually told me to look at the good side of "live moves on". There might be a good side to it if I think of it, but still... it's just too deep to understand and is sometimes too sad. I know that I sound quite dramatic and overly emotional right now

Gizzie, he told me that he has this thing - that he usually does not keep in touch with people who are not physically around him, even close friends and family. But for me it just feels wrong, and I especially feel that it is morally wrong for me to be in love with a person and then suddenly forget all about him. I also even tried to stay in touch with my ex (first one, not him) more than once, but he just couldn't do it; he could never see me as just a friend anymore and decided to cut it off completely. Still, I liked what you said about finding someone who shares intimate values with me. This does really sound quite important.

Bowyn Aerrow, I think I once had a conversation with a friend whether love is enough for a relationship or not. And so indeed, as you say, we both found that love is not enough. Thank you very much for the link, I found it really helpful, and I believe that every couple must read this!

A grown-up friend of mine, who tried to guide me through this relationship, and who herself is in a relationship for 8 years now, tried to tell me once how we can actually work on our relationship and try to overcome the difficulties that arise quite often. I argued with her then, that relationship shouldn't be like that, that there shouldn't be something to work on - it's whether he loves me or he doesn't! That love shouldn't have "rules" to bet set. But then again, now I think that she might have had a very good point.

[GayDatingExpert]

Start dusting yourself down, I would recommend the book 'Ex Extinction Programme' it's a 30 day guide on how to get over an ex and get on with your life and embrace a healthy love life.