:confused: Why's that? Are you involved in a long distance relationship?
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arby Wrote::confused: Why's that? Are you involved in a long distance relationship?
Yes, but it didn't start like you are trying to start yours...
Just seems like most are so pessimistic about them. :frown:
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I wouldn't take it so personally. If these guys are anything like me, they're just realists. I don't mind being told the odds. But just because something isn't likely, doesn't mean you should give up on it altogether. As the saying goes; the surest way to fail is to not try at all.
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arby Wrote:Yeah, that's a better way of putting it. Right now my concern is with how I could get to know him better, short of actually seeing him in person since that's just not possible right now.
I know this is going to sound like I'm negating what I just said, but this isn't really specifically about this guy, more of a philosophical view in general. I'd say that while of course actually being around the person is the BEST way to meet them, I'd disagree that it's the only way. Video-chatting would be what I would consider the closest to meeting a person, short of actually being with them. Obviously nothing beats actual contact, I completely agree with you there. But I don't think it's impossible to gauge how I would respond to a person based on video-chatting, phone calls, etc etc.
But to get back to my original question, I guess it'd be best to take it in chunks? So for example, as Bowyn suggested, the first real step after getting to know him would be discussing between the two of us our thoughts on a long distance relationship, and the various things we could do to make it work, as well as I guess what we'd "expect"?
First you'll have to agree on what medium works best for you: email? phone? video?
My experience was video and phone worked best even though I like to write emails my guy at the time didn't like to write.
Video is not bad. I even think it's GREAT *after* you've met someone in person.
I'd suggest before you even bring up the possibility of a long distance thing you guys just chat casually (verbally, not texting) and see how much in common you have.
Verbal communication is important. You might find it totally different than texting.
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LateBloomer Wrote:I'd suggest before you even bring up the possibility of a long distance thing you guys just chat casually (verbally, not texting) and see how much in common you have.
Verbal communication is important. You might find it totally different than texting.
I'm sure it will be different. And alright, I'll get him to start video chatting with or calling me, so we can "actually" start talking to one another. I'll of course let you all know how this goes, and I'll definitely have more questions  mile:
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arby Wrote:I'm sure it will be different. And alright, I'll get him to start video chatting with or calling me, so we can "actually" start talking to one another. I'll of course let you all know how this goes, and I'll definitely have more questions mile:
Good luck!
Do keep us updated.
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Hello Arby, and  to GaySpeak, as I haven't had the opportunity to welcome you before. I am in an LDR with a man that I call my partner. We would be married if it weren't for differing legislations and statuses in our two countries. My partner lives in England while I live in France. We have had a relationship for the past 9 years and it'll soon be 10.
Now I generally accept that Bowyn has some very good points to make, and they should be taken into account but I think I am living proof that a long distance relationship can work. Our relationship is not only phones and texting and chats online, of course... We have met in person and have made a point of seeing each other once a month... Now this may be difficult for you to solve at first, but let me tell you that where there is a will, there is a solution. My partner does not earn his living very well, to the point where he didn't even have his own housing, and when his father died last year, it became crucial for him to find a lodging solution. I have of course said that he could live here in France, but his points are that he doesn't think he speaks French well enough to move and work here, and secondly he's known for his line of work in his area and wants to be able to continue cashing in on that (in so far as there are jobs for him to do).
I have never pressured him to come and live here, and although we find our times away from each other a challenge sometimes, the fact that we plan the next ''reunions'' makes the two, three, four, five, sometimes six or seven weeks away from each other bearable.
At first there never was any reason to assume that because we got on well online we'd actually get on very well in real life, but it happened and we are very much in love. So, it can work, but it is the type of relationship that you have to work at to make it worthwhile and to keep you happy rather than dissatisfied and frustrated... Once you have established that you two cannot live apart, then it'll be time for one of you (or both of you) to make the decision to come and live closer, so you can be together more often, or for a set period of time... You may end up being the oldest couple in town... lol...
Good luck with your endeavour. It's worth trying it out.
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Hello there,
Long dfistance relationships can be a struggle however if both parties work together at it and maintain the strength of the relationship it can work... Of course in order for it to progress you would have to visit one another and i know when I was seeing a lad in Inverness SCOTLAND and I lived in Brighton ENGLAND (800 mile distance or so) it was a dead struggle and annoying but to be honest if you firstly take steps of committment such as meeting in person on a date this will determine whether your right for each other or not....
If things go good then why not make arrangements that maybe once a month or two months you fly to him and then he flies to you and stay in bed and breakfasts hotels therefore it is equal... As time goes on you both need to have priorities right and decide which party will give up their home and move to the other one... Now with faithfulness this is the hardest key point in any relationship because you need to be strong minded and understand to trust one another... Your not properties of each other you would be sharing one thing and that thing is love... Make sure you keep in weekly or daily contact with each other and call one another instead of texting as a voice can make things more relistic in maintaining things... All you need to remember as a promise to each other is:
Your his partner not his possession... He doesnt own you control you or tell you what to do
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His your partner not your possession... You dont own him control him or tell him what to do
All you both agree on is honesty and trust
Kindest regards
Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak Agony Aunt
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Just a quick update, I've been trying to get him to video chat with me, but he's been avoiding it, telling me he's not home whenever I ask. He's probably just shy, and I've tried to convince him that I'm just as shy/nervous as he is, but I think that eventually I'm just going to have to give up on it. We'll see how it goes.
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arby Wrote:Just a quick update, I've been trying to get him to video chat with me, but he's been avoiding it, telling me he's not home whenever I ask. He's probably just shy, and I've tried to convince him that I'm just as shy/nervous as he is, but I think that eventually I'm just going to have to give up on it. We'll see how it goes.
That sucks and it doesn't bode well.
I live by the Rule of Three (e.g., three strikes and you're OUT).
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Need Advice On Starting Long Distance Relationship
