Finding out who are your TRUE friends.

[LateBloomer]

Everyone says, when you come out to your friends, you'll find out who are your true friends, because it won't matter to them.

I totally agree.

But I recently came out to my best friend, the father of my goddaughter, someone I've known for 16 years.

The good news is that he totally accepts me and NOTHING has changed in our relationship and for that I'm grateful.

But there was one unintended consequence that took me by surprise. He told me that he had to wonder what kind of a friend he had been to me if he couldn't have known I was gay much earlier. In other words, what had he missed that he thinks he should have seen?

He was worried he had been a poor friend, and that broke my heart a little.

I tried to tell him there was nothing he could have known because I expertly controlled the information and kept things very separate and compartmentalized.

I told him, even if he had asked me, I would have lied.

I told him, he's been a much better friend to me than I've been to him.

This has been the worst part of coming out. Making my friends feel bad about THEMSELVES because I never shared certain things with them.

[dlboy53]

Wow I would have never though of something like that to happen. I usually have every situation played out when i confront someone that is a big issue.

[pellaz]

tell this friend he is very unique and a friend indeed.

[LateBloomer]

tell this friend he is very unique and a friend indeed.

I thanked him for being a GREAT friend.

[zeon]

Hello Latebloomer,
With being gay is you got all sorts of types... You got the camp ones (walking around with a big sign which reads "Im here im queer i take it up the rear"), You got the quiet gays, You get the closested gays which come out later in life and you got the upfront and honest from the start gays... Now with you mister hiding your sexuality isnt dis trust but to be honest if you had told him 16 years ago would he be mentally stable or accept and understand? He is a lot older thasn he was and time does pass easily and things get said.. You have explained to him all you can and you cannot allow yourself to feel beaten up inside as im sure anyone can understand relivant reasons and to be honest if you are honest later on in life the fact friendship is still there thats all that matters

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon x

[LateBloomer]

Hello Latebloomer,
With being gay is you got all sorts of types... You got the camp ones (walking around with a big sign which reads "Im here im queer i take it up the rear"), You got the quiet gays, You get the closested gays which come out later in life and you got the upfront and honest from the start gays... Now with you mister hiding your sexuality isnt dis trust but to be honest if you had told him 16 years ago would he be mentally stable or accept and understand? He is a lot older thasn he was and time does pass easily and things get said.. You have explained to him all you can and you cannot allow yourself to feel beaten up inside as im sure anyone can understand relivant reasons and to be honest if you are honest later on in life the fact friendship is still there thats all that matters

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon x

Yes, thank you, EXCELLENT point.

In fact, he himself mentioned our "maturity levels" increasing over the years.

It's true. We're adults. And we're good friends.

[zeon]

Thats the key to friendship... You can never say a friend is a true friend until they have stuck through something like this and to be honest... Those who stuck by me through coming out as gay ten years ago... Arent my friends anymore..... They are now part of my family

[LateBloomer]

Thats the key to friendship... You can never say a friend is a true friend until they have stuck through something like this and to be honest... Those who stuck by me through coming out as gay ten years ago... Arent my friends anymore..... They are now part of my family

My friends also feel like family.

[zeon]

I often say family because friends tend to stick by one another more than a family member would... The old saying... You can choose your friends but not your family.... Is crap... You can choose your family as a family is a term for a group of people who support one another in ways dreams are made of... Whereas friends... come and go lol

Thats my phyisophsy on that one lol

Kindest regards

Zeon x

[matty7]

thats a lovely story that lots of us can relate to mate