Can't find tops to date

[Blue]

I am entirely versatile, but that poses just as big a problem. I want an equal partner, one that is comfortable topping and being topped both.

Lots of guys are willing to try on both roles, but most want to settle into one or the other. I don't want someone that wants to be one or the other and, that's as hard to find as a top, if not harder so I know the feeling.

[helpfixme]

I would just be happy with a partner.

[Zet]

Well that's not really fair to say, as not every bottom equivalates to being a woman. Many people believe the sexual position men take as the bottom, equivalates to them being the "woman", which really isn't true.

And because of this stereotype, many men who enjoy bottoming, coincedentally are also very feminine, because that's how they're meant to see their "role" and so you get skinny, feminine, "lisp-y" guys just trying to "fill their role" , when in reality, they can be Tops if they want to be and in essence are as much a man as any other.

It's a very complex arguement, that is really very simple, but people in general choose to see things as complex, so I suppose that's where all these misconceptions come from...

My 2cents <3

Everything is about ignorance. I remembered when I wasn't aware of my sexuality, I also saw the receiving male as the "woman" of the relation because it was so much easier to understand instead of looking it as 2 people no mater of gender loving each other.

[spotysocks]

It is not difficult to find someone to have sex with, guys would top anything to be honest with you, as lon as you a decent looking back side

Instead of looking for a top i d suggest you start looking for a guy you will match sexually or any other level you want. You might be looking for quite a different thing that what you say you do.

[BobInTampa]

I'm much older than most of you folks on here and as i reflect back over the past few decades, it struck me how much "position" matters. Back in the 90's, being gay and out was still seen as bad, so gay men had to find places to meet other gay men (bars, cruising areas, etc). The "hanky code" was created so gay men could see at a glance, what another guy was into. But, in general, when gay men would gather (even at places like Provincetown, MA and San Francisco, Chicago, etc), and almost NONE would say in the initial conversation wtih a guy, "Hi, i'm bob, you're hot are you a top?" There was much more of an erotic dance that went on because guys had to still be discreet.

Now, you look online, and "position" seems to be the most important factor in a guy even talking wtih you. Oh, i'm in an 4 year LTR so i'm no longer hitting the sites, but i'm amazed at guys who bitch about being a "total bottom" and not being able to find a guy.

Well, if you do the math, i'd say 70% of all the guys online identify as a "bottom." Well, if you're jsut looking for sex, the numbers are NOT in your favor. Oh, and another thing, in my experience, of those 70% who list themselves as "bottoms" at least 70% of those actually are VERSITLE - they just prefer being topped.

Well, when i was single, i was upfront about it - i told folks in my profile that i was 100% VERSITLE and would'n't date a "total top" or a "total bottom" - why would i? Well, you'd be surprised how many guys would send me a message sayhing, that they weren't 100% a top or bottom, it was just a preference.

So, do yourselves a favor - avoid pidgeon-holing yourself as a "total top" or "total bottom" and find a middle ground.

[East]

There was much more of an erotic dance that went on because guys had to still be discreet.

I don't think there is anything necessarily "wrong" with stating your preference BUT it sounds a bit cold (and scary) when it happens.

I did the erotic dance with all my partners or potential partners and thinking back I never once used the term top or bottom when I was doing the dance...nor did I ask nor have anyone ask me. I think if someone had asked me I would have been a little creeped out by it. I worked in really busy gay nightclubs for 20 solid years and truthfully no one ever asked me that question so it isn't as though the opportunity wasn't there for me to have been asked. I had guys ask me if OTHER PEOPLE were a top or a bottom because people ask bartenders stuff like that (as if we would know...or if we did...tell:biggrin

The personal ads I have read are all strange to me anyway and truth is I have pretty much had a lover most of my life and I am 55 so answering ads has never even been on my table. The ones who describe themselves as GL or VGL...Uh...OK:confused:. That is so subjective. In my entire life I have never described myself as GL or even thought it...not because I have low self esteem...it just sounds so obnoxious.:eek: If I did have any interest in answering ads I would avoid anyone who said that....same with top and bottom.

[Blue]

Thank you Bob, yes it's a lot easier to be out today, but I miss the old dance we did when we were trying to be out but discreet about it and, didn't use obnoxious self descriptions, didn't pigeon hole ourselves to one hanky, probably had at least four to five we'd show depending on what we saw, and it wasn't just hankies, where you put your keys, what you actually had peeking out of your pocket and just the way you presented yourself all said a lot more than it does today.

You and I could say "Hey, I'm gay, I like well endowed men and, will top or bottom. I have a house and would let you stay if you need a place. All from 20 feet away and without actually speaking at all. We'd nod and look around, maybe one of us would offer the other a drink, somewhere mid conversation we'd discreetly hide our hankies and I'd get my keys out of my back pocket before anyone else thought to follow me home, well unless we didn't exactly want privacy

I don't do the personals ads either, most of them sound obnoxious, corny, cheap, and/or like someone going for the who had the most sex record. And, I also have had a partner most of my adult life. I don't right now, but I just came out of a long term two months ago so, not in a hurry to jump into anything.

[ligando]

maybe bottoms after you cause you maybe looks top or versatile. the thing you are saying is true. many top guys doesnt want a LTR.

[nwwm]

Try finding a bear-ish bottom who likes twinks topping them. =\

right here lol

[Tombo]

For people saying tops don't want a LTR, I am a top and I would like a LTR