What to do?

[cyoung112]

So,

I've been visiting a gay club for the past few months and I always feel comfortable there. I've met a few guys there, but that's it. For the last two months I have been going, but I can't bring myself to approach a guy I am interested in, or someone who just seems nice. I grew up pretty shy and didn't fit in with the boys very much and sometimes felt left out. I had a group of girls that I got along with, but I was ashamed. I spent a lot of time alone. I feel this has really affected my social skills. I tend to be on the quiet side and it really bothers me a lot. I've been bold and introduced myself to a few guys, but I end up in that awkward silence mode. If feel so terrible after that. Now, I'm to the point where I can look at people and smile for a quick second, but that's it. I see guys I would like to say something to and I'm just too dang scared to say anything. I'm good when I know people, but it's really hard when I don't. What are some tips that you know of? What's the best way to approach someone? How do you handle going up to groups? Thanks!

[Dan1980]

Hi just go up to him and talk to him ask what his Job is, what he does for fun e.t.c . Offer to buy him a drink. My motto is if you don't ask you don't get. Good luck.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Forget the club scene.

Instead consider what it is you really like to do, what is it you know? Got hobbies? Interests? Walk up to a guy and ask them their opinion on that hobby. Strike up a conversation about whatever it is - lets say backpacking or hiking - talk about the trails you have seen/done or would like to do.

Maybe discuss the equipment you have. Lets say you know the difference between a North Face Terra 65 and a High Sierra Foxhound 50.... If he doesn't know, enlighten him.

The idea here is to talk about things you are comfortable with.

He's hot? Sure - fine - but don't think of him as a piece of meat that you want to get in your bed - instead think of him as a potential hiking partner.

Aim to be 'just friends' no strings attached. Its easier to make friends than it is to make lovers.

Stick to the subjects you know to keep some confidence in the conversation.

[pellaz]

pride is coming up so the lgbt Center is looking for volunteers. I would suggest you do that. The center is located north east corner Colfax and Lafayette. I am from Denver too. See if you can find a boy your age and both of you go the dance lessons at Charlies on i think Thursday. Sad but true its a usable skill in Colorado. The issue with Charlies dance lessons is:
a) find a dance partner your age (yes there are country boys)
b) you have to wear country cloths, shoes with leather soles and a country western shirt.
c) avoid flannel, get your costume at the Buffalo Exchange consignment shop. Take your date to the Exchange and get a ice cream across the street.

after pride see if you can volunteer for the front desk at the Center, you will get to meet people like it or not.

[dfiant]

You may enjoy the club scene, but they are not ideal for what you want. Some believe that being in a crowded room with people that are pissed as farts or stoned with loud doof doof music is 'socialising', but you would have to change the meaning of the word before it was actually a social gathering.

The only way to avoid awkward silence in the club scene is keep your mouth full. (and yes, that does me what you think I am saying)

If you want conversation, put yourself in an environment where you can actually have a chat, you will find the conversation then won'r be limited to awkward silence or 'Hi, I'm john. You got some pills and want to fuck?'

[LateBloomer]

All great advice, but take it from a (former) shy guy, social skills are valuable.

That doesn't mean you should be BAR FLY.

But it does mean it's *helpful* to be comfortable in different settings. Comfort comes with confidence; Confidence comes with practice. Practice is best done in small doses with reasonable goals.

Don't beat yourself up if you decide to go out and don't meet anyone. One strike out, does not a ball game make!

:biggrin:

Look at me with the sports analogy...


Good luck.

[minhthien94]

first, talk about place and time (weather, the location).

second, talk about facts (what's been happening).

the, talk about fun stuff (ideas and opinion) - just make it fun (dont exaggerate too much) lol