It's obvious that there's a huge divide amongst masculine and feminine gay men. I'm not sure if it's the same for women as well, but a lot of the masculine guys find themselves superior to the feminine guys and won't touch them with a 10-foot pole. Hell, it's the same with straight guys too, in terms of hanging out/being friends with other guys.
Because of this, I've found myself wanting to masc up a bit for a while now. I know it seems like putting on an "act" or "mask" (more like "masc"), but I just really want to be liked and integrated into society. When I go out in public, I'll only wear clothes I deem masculine- plain jeans, a hoodie, sneakers, and maybe my hat. No bright colors or designs- only dull and plain, sometimes dirty or with holes. My hair is long but I usually leave it kinda messy or use gel. I can't grow good facial hair- which sucks because I really love it on other guys. =( So unless my body goes through a late pubery, I'm usually stuck at least shaving the part above my lip. But if I could grow a nice beard, I'd have one. I'll also deepen my voice a bit and try to avoid any eccentric mannerisms as much as possible.
There's a couple of obstacles I can't get past. I don't like sports. I never did. Being rough never interested me and I'm a delicate guy. This tends to set of a red flag (more like rainbow flag) for anyone who meets me. I can't let anyone look in my music folder- lest they see all the Britney songs I have. I try to avoid music discussions, but if it comes up I'll only mention any (masculine) rock bands or male singers I like. I need to be careful of the company I keep too.
Do you think what I'm doing is wrong? I mean when I go out in public, I hate being noticed and like to blend in, so I wouldn't really be wearing nice clothing to begin with. But sometimes I feel like I'm slightly repressing myself, but I know it's for the better. Whenever I did let any feminine side of me show, I kind of got insulted for it. And it's harder to make friends or find a boyfriend as a feminine guy.
Have you ever tried this? And if you're a girl, have you tried "femming up"?
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I just posted a reply similar to this just a few seconds ago..
But to be honest; I'm just me. I don't really know where I fall on the 'masc/fem-scale' of things.
When I'm with my family and friends I act just me. I mean there are times where I'd be She-Ra: Queen of the Universe, but that's when I'm either really happy/excited about something, out partying with friends, or sometimes when me and my friends get pretty silly [wasted]. In contrast, there's also time where I have to be quiet with my extra curricular activities like at work. There, I just keep my personal life to myself, not just my sexual-orientation, but things that I like to do outside of work.
I think people need to stop making labels and scales on which they fall on. In the end you just have to be the person your most comfortable with. You just have to be you.
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I'm masculine (so im told -_-) but i really don't care what any other guy does. As long as people are nice and not prudes (because both masc and fem can do that) I'm fine with them. It bugs the heck out of my that my boyfriend is overly concerned with how masculine/feminine he comes across. He tries extremely hard to not do things effeminately (although by nature thats what he does) he always catches himself and tries to get all manly, which is kinda cute :biggrin: but I wish he was just more comfortable with himself. Who the heck cares what you come across as? Just be yourself and treat others the way you want to be treated.
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I used to have the attitude that I just liked guys that were masculine and thought that twinks were irritating and just so full of themselves and just hated that crap. It was always funny because i would go on places like gay.com and just chat with various people and the younger guys would put in the bioline that they don't wanna chat with any person over a certain age and I was like I am cool with that and have no interest chatting with them.
Then it was the outgoing flamboyant guys that I just stayed away from as well and I guess at the time I judged them for that when in fact I should have never been that way because I am sure that some guys judged me as well. I mean everyone is different and I respect that now. I used to be freaked out by drag queens and just thought that it was strange that the gay community is so hooked on it. Yet as time goes on that just means that people enjoy different things and me liking or not liking it has no meaning.
Why hate certain people because they are not like me just makes no sense to me at all. People are who they are and I now respect that. Be who you are and don't try and act a certain way, the people that will like you for you are just around the corner.
In the past I said that i would never date a guy that had feminine features or characteristics but I mean if I am attracted to that guy then so what and I won't be looking at him for the way that he acts or is. It seems like some guys that have somewhat feminine acting bfs always seem to be nervous when in public with them, yet I feel like if you truly love that person then you should always feel comfortable with them.
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I think you should be yourself. The people who judge you for being more feminine aren't the people you want in your life anyway. I would say I'm more on the masculine side, but I have no problems in gay guys who are more feminine and I'd definitely be friends with them.
If you're genuinely happy trying to "man" up a bit then stick with that, but if you're doing it for the purpose of acceptance from others, I'd say don't!
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I think a lot deals with age.
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I used to be quite the tomboy, and I was even called a "boi" by some lesbians (though I didn't see myself as masculine). Then a long term girlfriend insisted I become more fem (especially in appearance), and so I did for her. To my surprise I found I liked it (within reason and not all the time), and much more importantly people started treating me a lot better. People seemed to trust me more in biz and I no longer got carded to get into an R-rated movie (as happened into my early 20s from time to time) and people were just a lot nicer to me everywhere (strangely this didn't seem to affect how often guys came onto me, it just seemed to change the type of guys who hit on me). So I've mostly stuck with it even after we broke up, though I'm not as feminine looking as I used to be (but no way would I be called a "boi" now either).
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You guys need to realize though that life is NOT just a rainbow where you can be yourselves, and I don't care who says it is, because it isn't.
Simple things like going to the store, I can be judged. Obviously I try my best for masculine or atleast "gender-neutral" attire. If anyone talks to me, though... I get scared. Afraid that any wrong move could be considered "gay". So in my deepened voice I say a few words with as little expression and monotone as possible. I think this is a reason for my shyness.
Feminine guys have gotten beaten and attacked before for "being gay". I'm very afraid of that.
And I can't help but feel ashamed... no matter which route I take.
A lot of gay men complain about guys like me who "hide" and "fake masculinity" and than it turns them off because it's so obvious that it's fake. I'm not aiming for super-tough manly man, just kinda neutral, average, straight as the first impression. But even that is difficult.
And then a lot of people just hate the fem guys. Even I do. And I kind of am one if I don't try hard enough to repress it. I try not to hate them. Like I can get along with them, but in the back of my mind, they kind of repulse me, some of them. Only the really flambouyant ones who post pics with make-up and in lengerie repulse me, mostly.
I think my hatred stems from a)society telling me it's wrong and
b)my fear of becoming one of those guys who everyone hates.
I wasn't always this ashamed of myself and it happened more recently, the more flambouyant and feminine gay men I've seen, and seeing how people hate them so much. In high school I had long, straightened, blonde-highlighted hair. I dyed it rainbow once, it was temporary though and only lasted a week. I didn't try as hard to hide my mannerisms and tastes. And I really did not have a lot of friends. Looking back, I kinda wish I acted more like a typical guy, or atleast tried to blend in.
I have a blond, curly wig I'd wear sometimes. It's just a cheap costume wig, but I thought I looked good in it. Obviously it made me look feminine though (despite it being for a men's costume). I have it still, but I no longer wear it. I'd never wear it in public though, even if it was better quality. And if I did, I'd feel insecure. I feel the most secure wearing my "neutral" or "masculine-ish" clothes.
I have to cut my nails short too, even though I have having really short nails. Granted, I don't keep them girly-long, but just a little extra.
A lot of people still know me as a somewhat feminine guy. I haven't really tried meeting new people with the masculine attitude yet. I'll see if it does me any good, maybe.
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CustomMadeKid Wrote:I think you should be yourself. The people who judge you for being more feminine aren't the people you want in your life anyway. I would say I'm more on the masculine side, but I have no problems in gay guys who are more feminine and I'd definitely be friends with them.
If you're genuinely happy trying to "man" up a bit then stick with that, but if you're doing it for the purpose of acceptance from others, I'd say don't!
I totally agree with this, If they arent accepting you for the real you then you wont ever truely be happy. And yea if you are trying to do more push ups to be in better shape then do more push ups lol
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