How can I become less shy?

[pridepancakes21]

I HATE how shy I am when I am in social situations. I just don't know what to say to people, am afraid I'll look stupid, and don't want to be rejected. Any advice to help me become more social?

[LateBloomer]

I HATE how shy I am when I am in social situations. I just don't know what to say to people, am afraid I'll look stupid, and don't want to be rejected. Any advice to help me become more social?

Former shy kid here.



You're shy because you lack confidence. You lack confidence because you lack experience. You lack experience because you're young.

In other words, it's NORMAL! Don't start beating yourself up (feeling stupid, fearing rejection) when you're exactly the way you need to be right now.

Experience comes with time. As you get older you'll find yourself in situations you didn't expect to be in. When everything turns out ok you'll discover, wow, that wasn't so bad. And you'll gain confidence. With your new confidence you'll take more risks. Some of your risks will succeed and others will fail.

Just don't be too quick to get rid of your shyness. A lot of people find it endearing. The bold confidence of jerks, while maybe a turn-on during a brief introduction, is a real drag over the long term.

Be patient; take an interest in your own life; be the type of person you'd like to be around.

[Spades]

I am also shy, and it is because of lack of self confidence. But I am working on it and will get there, as will you!

If you have a hobby, join a club, great way to interact with people you know you have a common interest with

[DoubleDiamond]

In addition to LateBloomer's excellent advice, I suggest focusing on the other person. Make him feel good, relaxed, valued. Ask him questions, compliment him, express interest.

Focusing on yourself tends to compound anxiety, whereas focusing on the other person tends to reduce anxiety.

Another suggestion: If you're stumbling, simply acknowledge that you're shy. "Sorry, I'm kinda shy and tend to get nervous easy" or similar can go a long way to dissipating anxiety. Plus if you're talking to a good guy, he'll *want* to help you be at ease. And such an acknowledgment can be quite endearing, as LB said.

[azulai]

The best thing I did was start volunteering. You meet a lot of friendly warm people, and you share a common goal with the other people volunteering so you have something to discuss.

For me, it helped me relate to people individually a lot better and I gained confidence that transferred over to more social settings.

So, I'd recommend finding some volunteering opportunities that interest you. mile:

[GreyMarc]

My best advice is dont try to mock or copy what others do to try to fit in, because in most cases your not going to be as experienced in some and you may not be good at it. so try to be yourself and dont try to one up anyone. Just be yourself and given enough time and patience someone will take you by the hand and say "hey ill be your friend" then your in.....

Dont worry about your self confidence in doing what they do, just stay focused on your confidence in yourself.

[dfiant]

Exactly what Latebloomer said

[dlboy53]

I think we are all shy at some point but as you grew in confidence that tends to disappear.