New to Everything
05-03-2012, 06:54 AM
I'm turning 24 in a week and a half and I've been attracted to men since I can remember but I finally just began to come out of the closet. I've only told a few people so far but it felt so liberating to do it. I graduated from college in December and now that I'm open, I feel that I started a second life.
I grew up in a religious family and was always taught that being gay was a sin. An early family memory I have is being on vacation in Florida and Elton John comes on the radio in the car and my mom turned the station and said "We don't listen to people like him." She has a tendency to speak on behalf of the entire family and my ears bleed when she starts a sentence with "we" because something hateful or ignorant usually follows it. I haven't driven in a car with her in years but I wonder if she still changes the station when Tiny Dancer comes on.
With a homophobic mother and obviously going to an average public school in America where ignorance is tolerated, I was convinced that there was some mistake and that I couldn't be gay. In my early teens I felt guilty and that there was something wrong with me. From the time I was 16 until about last year, I felt I tried to convince myself I was straight. And in the last year or so I acknowledged to myself that I'm gay but I believed I'd be in the closet forever. I dated a girl for a year and a half and I'm not yet sure if I should tell her (we hang out on occasion and are on good terms). She asked if I was gay several times when we were dating, I have wandering eyes, I guess. I also don't know how or if I will tell my parents but I won't let their views affect my life. I've only told my closest friends so far (1 of them is gay) so I knew I'd be accepted but I know down the road I'm probably going to start losing people that don't accept me. It scares me.
The main reason I came out is because I started to have feelings for a straight friend, my absolute best friend. We are sharing an apartment from last August until the end of this month. Even though I won't act on them, they are the first feelings I've had for a guy where sucking his dick wasn't a top priority (but would love to go down him). I just want to be with him. I realized that if I can feel that strongly about a man than I need to stop pretending to be straight. He was the first person I came out to (thought I left out the details about him).
Anyway, I'm out of things to say. I have degrees in English and creative writing so I'll probably have a lot of long winded posts. My apologies in advance! :biggrin:
I grew up in a religious family and was always taught that being gay was a sin. An early family memory I have is being on vacation in Florida and Elton John comes on the radio in the car and my mom turned the station and said "We don't listen to people like him." She has a tendency to speak on behalf of the entire family and my ears bleed when she starts a sentence with "we" because something hateful or ignorant usually follows it. I haven't driven in a car with her in years but I wonder if she still changes the station when Tiny Dancer comes on.
With a homophobic mother and obviously going to an average public school in America where ignorance is tolerated, I was convinced that there was some mistake and that I couldn't be gay. In my early teens I felt guilty and that there was something wrong with me. From the time I was 16 until about last year, I felt I tried to convince myself I was straight. And in the last year or so I acknowledged to myself that I'm gay but I believed I'd be in the closet forever. I dated a girl for a year and a half and I'm not yet sure if I should tell her (we hang out on occasion and are on good terms). She asked if I was gay several times when we were dating, I have wandering eyes, I guess. I also don't know how or if I will tell my parents but I won't let their views affect my life. I've only told my closest friends so far (1 of them is gay) so I knew I'd be accepted but I know down the road I'm probably going to start losing people that don't accept me. It scares me.
The main reason I came out is because I started to have feelings for a straight friend, my absolute best friend. We are sharing an apartment from last August until the end of this month. Even though I won't act on them, they are the first feelings I've had for a guy where sucking his dick wasn't a top priority (but would love to go down him). I just want to be with him. I realized that if I can feel that strongly about a man than I need to stop pretending to be straight. He was the first person I came out to (thought I left out the details about him).
Anyway, I'm out of things to say. I have degrees in English and creative writing so I'll probably have a lot of long winded posts. My apologies in advance! :biggrin:
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
mile: Congrats on getting this far, I know how difficult it can be to accept your sexuality and how scary the idea of telling people is (you've already done more than I have there!) I'm obviously no expert on coming out :tongue: but I'm sure you'll meet loads of people on here who can help, and others like me who are going through the same thing as well. Hope you enjoy it here :biggrin:
