Going out to a Gay Bar

[GayAndOut]

I finally did it yesterday, after a couple of months of coming out. I've had a hard time coping and accepting who I am.

But being out yesterday (exciting as it was, as I never imagined myself getting to that stage say 2 years back when I was in a very tough period in my life) wasn't as fancy and glamorous as I expected it.

I mean how does it work? How does flirting in a club work? How do you know if a guy is into you? I keep feeling that someone I would fancy would never be into me. Although I am told by people to be decent looking myself.

What were people's first experience like?


Grrrr, one hard step was coming out, this meeting people is a whole different ball game.

[brybry87]

Congrats!

Yeah, I'm pretty awkward myself. Specially in a 'gay-setting', that's probably why I hardly go to Gay clubs/events/etc.

I guess it's the same for straight people who go into regular clubs/bars looking for someone. It's awkward, you don't know what to say or how to relate.

Small talk helps; if the person is interested in you, more likely than not, I'm sure he'll keep on talking to you. If not, then don't be pushy 'cause that really unattractive and it's a turn-off to most guys. But that advice can work for just meeting new friends really; in any situation.

Good luck..!

[nfisher1226]

The problem with gay bars is that they're, you know, bars. Which means they pump the music up to discourage conversation and keep you drinking. It is a business after all.

The solution is the same as for straight guys trying to meet women IMO. Get over your shyness and fear of rejection and put yourself out there. You know, talk to people you don't know. Sure you'll get the brush off sometimes, but eventually you meet people.

As an afterthought, you'd be shocked at just how many gay people there are around you. After a while they just seem to come out of the woodwork. Once you're "out", even if you're only out to a few people, it's only a matter of time before your circle of friends starts to grow and include more like minded people. Which makes it easier to be that person you know that you are and not worry so much about hiding it.

[princealbertofb]

Hello, GayAndOut, and to GaySpeak (excuse me if I have already welcomed you). If you are uncomfortable with the scene and the gay bars (although I would not discourage you of having a go at them, if they strike your fancy or pique your curiosity), remember that a good way of meeting people is in social settings such as the workplace, societies, charities and associations, groups of various interests and art groups (choruses and choirs, drama groups, any other artistic activity), libraries, shops, just about anywhere where humans get together.
My idea is that you are far more likely to meet someone who's suited to you if you find them in a context that suits you, such as country walking, rock climbing, a dance class, the gym etc... What are you interested in?

Pour la petite histoire, my partner is used to going to his local gay bar and has been telling me about it for years. Last year I went into the bar for the first time; It was not seedy at all, just a bunch of blokes having a drink together and having lots of different conversations. I think Marshlander was glad to introduce me as they'd all been thinking I was a figment of his imagination, all these years; Strangely, no sooner was I there than all the current customers came in for a drink that night. Were they curious? I don't know, but it gave the pub owners a chance to sell more drinks. I don't remember the music being too loud. It was just a pub, not a disco. :tongue:

[jaxc]

well to cheer you up, here's a song that my encourage you:biggrin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pla...3MCgI#t=0s

[Nick9]

As an afterthought, you'd be shocked at just how many gay people there are around you. After a while they just seem to come out of the woodwork. Once you're "out", even if you're only out to a few people, it's only a matter of time before your circle of friends starts to grow and include more like minded people. Which makes it easier to be that person you know that you are and not worry so much about hiding it.

This seems really interesting to me...

[younglove]

I still haven't been. I feel like it would be hard for me because i am so shy.

[GayAndOut]

Thanks for the warm welcome guys! When I did go out I first went to a bar, which was nice and I really enjoyed that. But it was when I went to the gay club that I found weird.

What was peculiar to me was the lack of a clear 'system' if you know what I mean. For example in a straight club, it's mostly guys flirting with girls who would show if they're interested or not. In a gay bar it felt more like a free for all. Which was pretty amusing.

[East]

I guess it all depends upon the bar but in my experience...you should find an empathic bartender who would figure out right away that you were new to a gay bar and make you feel comfortable and welcome and help answer your questions.

There are alot of "awkward" and/or shy gay men at any given moment in any gay bar so the words of advice I can give you (and it is just my opinion)

...steer clear of "drama" or insecure based nitpicking unless that is your thing (alot of gay men seem to enjoy that nonsense for some reason...it is a personal nightmare for me). Try not to ridicule other people and the place you are at...it is bad to start any kind of friendship or relationship with anyone based on "negatives". Avoid people who bitch about everything and everybody (I used to scratch my ass or pretend to pick my nose to get rid of them and make them think it was their idea:biggrin..they will drain every last bit of energy you have if you let them...

...and if you meet a guy and he smiles...like any straight first meeting..steer clear of complaining about any ex you have....keep it upbeat and positive...you should do fine. There are alot of wonderful men in any bar if you can avoid the pitfalls I mentioned.

PS...Have Fun!

Flirting? Use you gut...and your instincts....if you free your mind from fears and doubts and just tell yourself to relax you will have no problem at all. I used to think of it as a dance....so dance:biggrin: Also...don't do anything you dont' want to do...EVER! Boundaries are a good thing to have in any bar...gay or straight.

[yob10]

i never experience going to a gay bar. but now that im 20 maybe i should give it a try..