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Should I stay with him or am I being paranoid?
#11
princealbertofb Wrote:Shouldn't that read FIDELITY is having all your cards on the table available for inspection?

I understand the ambiguity. I could have picked my words better, but I was in a rush.

But I think the larger point is pretty clear.

Smile
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#12
True, LateBloomer, true.
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#13
If it was me.

I would print up the amazon bill, print up the face book page, and whatever other evidence you have fix the BF a nice meal, and once he is half way through the meal drop the proof before him and tell him he has to the end of the meal to decide how he wants to spin this.

Then sit there and watch him sweat.

I'm sorry, but with all of this evidence what can he say that would make this better?

The reality is he has cheated on you - maybe not with sex with anyone, but he has cheated on you emotionally - which is as bad, if not worse, than him sleeping around with random men.

Having been cheated on before, my take was to always walk. That meant I left behind a lot of nice things just to put a bit of distance between me and the bad guy - distance like a few states.

The last person who cheated on me I decided I wasn't going to walk, so I decided to try couple's counseling and trying to salvage our relationship. The thing with this last is he came home with HIV and it was nearly 5 years after the sexual cheating that he 'confessed' his crime to me.

Even though we have done lots of couple's counseling, the reality is I have not fully forgiven him, and its been about a decade since the confession. Yes, not a day doesn't go by where I do not remember he cheated on me once, and I have to work to see innocent things as being 'just innocent' and not blowing it up into another cheating.

Trust him - oh hardly ever. I show him trust even when everything inside of me screams he can't be trusted.

The only reason why I am still in the relationship I am in is because my partner also has a drug addiction, and using meth and having sex is the whole addiction thing he has going on - so his 'excuse' was pretty reasonable, that he relapsed in drugs and in his old drug behaviors. As far as I know he wouldn't cheat on me when clean and sober. Oh I could be wrong on that.

Most couple's try to live with cheating on the record - only a few actually manage to make it work.

I would strongly suggest you get a couple's counselor to precede from this point forward if you have any interest whatsoever in 'working it out'.

Seems to me you have plenty of evidence that points at his willingness to cheat on you, and since you are not taking it well I can only assume there was a promise of monogamy here.

IF he is really willing to work on this relationship and actually change his behaviors, he will agree to couple's counseling. If he doesn't agree to the counseling then he most likely isn't that into saving the relationship.
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#14
Honestly; drop him like a bad habit. He's been given more than enough chances and is just abusing you at this point my god. There's a difference between being walked on and being forgiving. I know; Ive let this sort of thing happen in a way. Believe me you are his first but he obviously isn't ready for a relationship or a serious one at that... He obviously wants to play around still :/
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#15
You have to decide where the line is for you...it is different for each of us. Take this time to get to know yourself a bit better...forget about him for the moment.

He has a problem (maybe pathological or compulsive in nature)...probably deeply rooted...and you need to understand that he will continue with this behavior which brings me back to my initial point...figure out where your line is....

I don't like to do the Debbie Downer shtick too often but in this case....I will make an exception:biggrin:...this guy is seriously disrespecting you.
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#16
This sounds as though the boundaries of the relationship are constantly being stretched to the limit. He goes down a path and when he's discovered he admits he's been deceitful, the situation calms down and then he does it again.

In long term relationships it's common to want to make friends, however you can do this openly as a couple, if he's trying to hide new friends the question has to be asked what is he hiding?

If the trust is gone, where else does the relationship have to go?

Jonathan
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