06-01-2012, 03:50 PM
I'm going to echo a few things others have posted, so bear with me.
First off, attitude is everything. If you go to a bar (alone or with friends) already with your defenses up, you've basically set yourself up for disappointment. Now, at your age (30), you shouln't just lump all men and all bars in one category.
Bottom line? Guys are attracted to confident guys. So while it may initially be uncomfortable, you have to step out a bit. Like one of the other posters wrote, you should find a bar/club that has some appeal to you. Be it a gay sports bar, dance bar - whatever - and start going more consistently. The more you go, the more known you'll be by the bartender and the more comfortable you'll be. OH, that's a big tip - the bartenders. They are paid to be social and nice - use that to your advantage. They will almost always engage you with simple bar banter. Could be a video being played, or music being played, a story that's of local importance - whatever. Just start chatting up the bartender. This does two things, 1, it helps break your shyness with a person who has NO agenda - other than being a good bartender. 2, other's at the bar will hear your chat and that might start other conversations with guys at the bar. OH, and FYI, just because someone chats with you does NOT mean they are hitting on you. That's tough for some guys to grasp, but my partner is one of those guys who'll strike up a chat at the drop of a hat. So, let go of that perception if you can.
Another idea is to post your likes and hobbies on CraigsList. Now i know you're thinking CL is for sex hookups only, but you're wrong. You can post an ad that says you're going to a comic convention in town and you're looking for other gay men into comics (or any of your other hobbies). You can make it clear you're NOT looking for sex, but just to hang out with other guys into your hobbies.
At the end of the day, YOU are responsbilbe for your own happiness - you can't find it in aother person. SO suck it up, square your shoulders, slap on an honest smile and GET INTO THE GAME! No "mr right" is going to ride up to your front door and sweep you away. YOu gotta get out there and market yourself.
OH, one more thing. HAVE FUN! Smiles are sexy and infectious!
First off, attitude is everything. If you go to a bar (alone or with friends) already with your defenses up, you've basically set yourself up for disappointment. Now, at your age (30), you shouln't just lump all men and all bars in one category.
Bottom line? Guys are attracted to confident guys. So while it may initially be uncomfortable, you have to step out a bit. Like one of the other posters wrote, you should find a bar/club that has some appeal to you. Be it a gay sports bar, dance bar - whatever - and start going more consistently. The more you go, the more known you'll be by the bartender and the more comfortable you'll be. OH, that's a big tip - the bartenders. They are paid to be social and nice - use that to your advantage. They will almost always engage you with simple bar banter. Could be a video being played, or music being played, a story that's of local importance - whatever. Just start chatting up the bartender. This does two things, 1, it helps break your shyness with a person who has NO agenda - other than being a good bartender. 2, other's at the bar will hear your chat and that might start other conversations with guys at the bar. OH, and FYI, just because someone chats with you does NOT mean they are hitting on you. That's tough for some guys to grasp, but my partner is one of those guys who'll strike up a chat at the drop of a hat. So, let go of that perception if you can.
Another idea is to post your likes and hobbies on CraigsList. Now i know you're thinking CL is for sex hookups only, but you're wrong. You can post an ad that says you're going to a comic convention in town and you're looking for other gay men into comics (or any of your other hobbies). You can make it clear you're NOT looking for sex, but just to hang out with other guys into your hobbies.
At the end of the day, YOU are responsbilbe for your own happiness - you can't find it in aother person. SO suck it up, square your shoulders, slap on an honest smile and GET INTO THE GAME! No "mr right" is going to ride up to your front door and sweep you away. YOu gotta get out there and market yourself.
OH, one more thing. HAVE FUN! Smiles are sexy and infectious!