How do I set my boyfriend straight and make him to listen to me?

[DarkDaisuke]

Ok honestly dump him like a bad habit. You say hes not a dick, but believe me when I say that temper of his just shows the signs of an abusive relationship in the making. Is he really sweet, kind, caring, outside in public, but only shows this side behind closed doors? Yeah that's an abuser and Ive had a friend go through this. The first time his ex hit him, he left and went to his parent's house. That and the fact his ex would swing between two moods which were angry and happy like a madman.

[BeautifulBlue]

Aww. I'm sorry to hear this, hun.

I hate to be the broken record, but what everyone is saying in this thread is right. This screams abuse and what he did to you could arguably be compared to rape.

I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm just going to reiterate what others have said--that abusers, often, appear to be 'textbook nice.' My father was a class-A alcoholic and abuser and would flip from one end to the other like a light switch. Though I ultimately left my family and got out of the situation, it wasn't a romantic relationship, so I'm not sure what to say.

I don't know if abusers can be cured. I know they can at least be 'tame,' to a degree, with notice and discipline, but 'cured' doesn't seem right.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Like everyone else has been saying, you deserve better. If I were you, I'd get a friend (or two, or three, however many you're comfortable with) and confront him about it. Definitely do not do it alone. If he's that violent to you about calling him out on the rough sex, how is he going to react when you tell him you won't stand for this?

Again, sorry. I wish you the best of luck and hope you come out of this ok.

- Blue

[LateBloomer]

Aww. I'm sorry to hear this, hun.

I hate to be the broken record, but what everyone is saying in this thread is right. This screams abuse and what he did to you could arguably be compared to rape.

I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm just going to reiterate what others have said--that abusers, often, appear to be 'textbook nice.' My father was a class-A alcoholic and abuser and would flip from one end to the other like a light switch. Though I ultimately left my family and got out of the situation, it wasn't a romantic relationship, so I'm not sure what to say.

I don't know if abusers can be cured. I know they can at least be 'tame,' to a degree, with notice and discipline, but 'cured' doesn't seem right.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Like everyone else has been saying, you deserve better. If I were you, I'd get a friend (or two, or three, however many you're comfortable with) and confront him about it. Definitely do not do it alone. If he's that violent to you about calling him out on the rough sex, how is he going to react when you tell him you won't stand for this?

Again, sorry. I wish you the best of luck and hope you come out of this ok.

- Blue

Can abusers be cured?

I have a very firm philosophy in life, that has served me well. It goes something like this:

"People do not change until they've hit absolute rock bottom and lost everything dear to them (friends, family, money, home, etc). Only THEN do people actually make a conscious decision to change. It takes a COMPLETE CRISIS."

To me, abusers are like the lions in a circus show. The Lion Tamer has raised and hand fed this animal since it was a cub. He thinks he has a special relationship with the lion. One day the lion is grouchy and shows it like a lion does by mauling the lion tamer. Inexplicably everyone is surprised by this, including the lion tamer.

HELLO? It's a God damn animal! It won't change just because you fed it by hand and wiped its ass!

[BeautifulBlue]

Can abusers be cured?

I don't think they can be. That was the point of my post. They can be 'conditioned' due to certain events, but that doesn't mean their conditioning will stick. My dad swore up and down after I left (both to live in Denver for a month and when I moved to Texas, but most specifically Denver) that he would change. Well, he did... for about two weeks each. Then the cycle of abuse started happening again.

Like I said, I think it can be 'conditioned,' to a degree, but I don't think there's a full-out cure. Abusers have a need to be in control of people for their own motives.