Cousin getting married. What to do?
06-07-2012, 03:38 AM
OK so my closest cousin, actually the daughter of my mother's cousin is getting married to her fiancé in California. She is the only member of my extended family that I get along well with, we always exchange Emails and phone calls.
My extended family isn't very nice to me, they always say bad things about me and my mother, who they seem to view as interconnected with me (like I'm an extension of her). My relatives are extremely jealous of my mother, for some reason that goes back far before I was born and that I never completely understood, and they do not hesitate to take this out on me. Her own uncle (another first cousin of my mother) is a well-known doctor who made a fortune by becoming one of the first HIV/AIDS specialists in the 80's, but he's in it strictly for the money and I've heard him make very homophobic comments about his gay patients. When he got married in New York, he said that if me and my family really wanted to come to the wedding we could, but we're not invited to the fancy reception in the Rainbow room because there wasn't enough room, however when I called the rainbow room they said they had enough room for many more guests. This is especially insulting because my grandmother helped pay for his medical school and he was an usher at my parents wedding.
My extended family disapproves of gay people and the only gay family member (another maternal cousin) was practically thrown out of the family, moved to Florida where he lived alone with his partner and he died of AIDS alone.
One reason I'm close with my soon to be married cousin is because she can keep things confidential and after trusting her with lesser private things , I confided in her that I was bi and she didn't give a fig and told no one.
The problem is that I have a boyfriend and if I were to go to the wedding, I'd like to take him with me as my date as these things are always nicer with a beautiful person on your arm (he certaintly fits that bill, both inside and out). But no one in my extended family (except her ) knows I'm bi, much less in a serious relationship with a man.
I don't know what to do? Do I take him with me to California and just ignore what people say? ((they hate me anyway, so now they'll just say different bad things about me) Do I go alone? Not go at all? My psychiatrist said that I need to stop worrying about what other people think and that I should take him with me, unless if I'm really uncomfortable about it then I could just go alone (though she seems to think the former is a much better idea). It would be no fun without him. I don't know what to do? I don't want to introduce him to mean people however.
An added bonus is that a really close old friend lives in LA., he's the first person I ever came out to and I'd really like to see him (he's lazy about coming to NY).
What do you think I should do?
Any ideas would be appreciated.
My extended family isn't very nice to me, they always say bad things about me and my mother, who they seem to view as interconnected with me (like I'm an extension of her). My relatives are extremely jealous of my mother, for some reason that goes back far before I was born and that I never completely understood, and they do not hesitate to take this out on me. Her own uncle (another first cousin of my mother) is a well-known doctor who made a fortune by becoming one of the first HIV/AIDS specialists in the 80's, but he's in it strictly for the money and I've heard him make very homophobic comments about his gay patients. When he got married in New York, he said that if me and my family really wanted to come to the wedding we could, but we're not invited to the fancy reception in the Rainbow room because there wasn't enough room, however when I called the rainbow room they said they had enough room for many more guests. This is especially insulting because my grandmother helped pay for his medical school and he was an usher at my parents wedding.
My extended family disapproves of gay people and the only gay family member (another maternal cousin) was practically thrown out of the family, moved to Florida where he lived alone with his partner and he died of AIDS alone.
One reason I'm close with my soon to be married cousin is because she can keep things confidential and after trusting her with lesser private things , I confided in her that I was bi and she didn't give a fig and told no one.
The problem is that I have a boyfriend and if I were to go to the wedding, I'd like to take him with me as my date as these things are always nicer with a beautiful person on your arm (he certaintly fits that bill, both inside and out). But no one in my extended family (except her ) knows I'm bi, much less in a serious relationship with a man.
I don't know what to do? Do I take him with me to California and just ignore what people say? ((they hate me anyway, so now they'll just say different bad things about me) Do I go alone? Not go at all? My psychiatrist said that I need to stop worrying about what other people think and that I should take him with me, unless if I'm really uncomfortable about it then I could just go alone (though she seems to think the former is a much better idea). It would be no fun without him. I don't know what to do? I don't want to introduce him to mean people however.
An added bonus is that a really close old friend lives in LA., he's the first person I ever came out to and I'd really like to see him (he's lazy about coming to NY).
What do you think I should do?
Any ideas would be appreciated.
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Pisces
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