I committed murder - self murder. No matter how technical you want to get about the point where life ends and death starts, the fact is I died - I
murdered myself.
That act and the stopping of my heart and lungs redefined me as a person. It redefined my character.
The person before you today is far nicer than the person I was prior to my death. I had become so vicious that I took great pleasure in teasing people to my side then systematically tear them down, belittle them, hurt them - for sport.
I had the great looks - skin deep beauty and was most attractive - physically. It was easy for me to pull in victims, get a free drink then proceed to tear them apart, belittling them, pointing out their flaws and daring them to come up with one good reason why they could possibly think they had a chance with 'dating' me. I brought many men to tears and enjoyed every single moment of it.
Prior to my death I had lost a lot of goodness. I had become cold and 'soulless' - uncaring to the plight of humanity, lacking empathy and compassion for the troubles of my fellow man.
Prior to my death I used drugs, drank excessively and lashed out left and right no one was safe around me.
My death redefined me, gave me back my humility and my humanity.
After my death, during that first year where I existed between life and death had anyone dared to tell me the technical differences between life and death either I would have gone to plan B (The Golden Gate Bridge) or I would have reverted into that perverse, evil creature I was prior to my death.
After my death I stopped using drugs, I stopped excessive drinking. My heart actually started beating again and I regained that human part of my soul that 28 years before had managed to kill.
I stopped purposefully hurting people and started helping again.
It is the idea that I died that changed me the most. It is the thought that my own mortality is real that breathed life back into my soul. It is the dim awareness that I had died after committing murder that prompts me to walk the straight and narrow and remember that we all hurt, that we are all deserving of compassion and empathy.
Person66 Wrote:David I totally understand what you're trying to say. However you did not die, that would make you a zombie, and you're not a zombie. Just because one's heart stops doesn't mean the flesh (more accurately tissue) dies immediately. It means the flesh is deprived of oxygen, without oxygen various tissues begin the process of dying. But it takes time for all systems to completely stop working, which is why cardiac arrest is not a painless death. After the heart stops there is still plenty of oxygen in the body to continue life for a very small amount of time longer. Therfor if the heart can be started again, the oxygen is replenished and death never comes in the first place. Death is much more complicated than just the heart stopping.
It would be more accurate to say that you came extremely close to dying twice yet were revived at the last minute each time. Revived or resuscitated not reborn.