i am so upset

[pimento]

i am so upset. i never thought i was a lesbian. all through my life i have had crushes on guys. when i was 14 i fell in love with a girl and i tried to kill myself over her and my family knows about that. i have dated three or four guys but i havent fallen in love with any of them. this year i met someone and i thought that he was my soul mate we connected instantly we were like best friends from day one but i couldnt fall in love with him and i felt like something was missing. i broke up with him after 2 months of dating, and then we got back together again which was a mistake but for the next few months i was just forcing it, i was using him because i was scared. now we are finally broken up and i am so disappointed i dont know where to go. how is it possible to have had crushes on guys but to think you are a lesbian? i know that when i was a child i used to have sexual thoughts about girls. but i know too that there are guys i am interested in even today, but maybe i am not attracted enough? i have this feeling that i will never fall in love with a man and that i am supposed to be with a woman and is that what i am supposed to base my orientation on? even though i am attracted and drawn to some men?

[Nick9]

ah, pimento... you do sound lost and upset

Do you really need a label?

What about if you try to look for someone who will make you happy and stop care about his gender?
Hetero people tend to see the world very simply - a female + a male = a couple
I don't think that it's entirely true.

You can be easily attracted to both genders, you can meet someone who denies the whole idea of the genders (the neutrois), you can meet a girl, who would be in fact a man in woman's body.

You don't need to make this choice and put a sticker on your forehead. Try to enjoy people's company and look for someone who will make you happy. You are not "supposed" to be with anyone. When you meet someone, it will be your choice to be with that person

[pellaz]

Nick said a lot so its difficult to add any more here.

Take it easy till your over your X and can stand up by your self.

I think its easier for a guy to say he is only attracted to the same sex. As Nick said dont accept the pre definition of a couple.

keep in mind how your life is going to fit together with the next partner. What do they bring to the table and how are you valuable to them. In a relationship how easy is it to work with them and what things would push you guys apart. Can you two work together for a common goal. To say you just dont love someone is nebulous. How is love in terms of communication, respect, trust for you?

[dfiant]

If you were a guy in that situation, I would say think with your heart and not your penis...seems irrelevant advice for someone with a vag....lol

But seriously, we have expectations handed down to us from family and friends and those expectations become our own, so much so that we can ignore what is natural to us and try to force ourselves to be 'normal'!!!

The connections you are having to men seems to be purely platonic, perhaps you identify more with men than women and you are mistaking that for 'love'.

All I can say is stop forcing something on yourself that your heart knows is not going to work, take some time out for yourself, relax and learn about yourself, that way you will better understand what it is that you need and who you are. no need to put labels on yourself, just find what makes you happy and content

[Rainbowmum]

Hi pimento,

May I ask if you had any therapy after your suicide attempt?
The reason I ask, is because it is so very difficult to bring the wall down, and let someone get that close to you again.

There is nothing wrong with being Bi or lesbian, as long as you can accept yourself.

[JupiterRising]

Bisexuality is completely normal, and probably a lot more prevalent than it may appear in society. Why do men enjoy watching sweaty hunks get physical with each other? Why do women indulge in viewing other women modeling various articles of clothing?

May be that we're conditioned to...socially, genetically...but I think also that to a certain degree, we're all a little bisexual. Both men and women have a lot to offer, and I think we take what we need from both genders, regardless of our identified "orientation". Why do men enjoy watching contact sports? To get a healthy dose of that masculinity, that testosterone. Women, thumb the pages of a Cosmo magazine, and what do you find? Scantily clad women with amazing skin, hair and curves? Women are soft lined, and passionate and abundant in affection. Even straight women need some of that, and get it from these sources.

What I would emphasize is this...attraction is merely that. You don't fall in love with a shiny object, any more than you fall in love with strangers who are pretty to look at. Instead, follow your heart and love whoever you love...man, women, trans. Love isn't about gender, its about who makes you feel wanted, needed, safe and happy.

Good luck, and I do hope that future skies are clearer for you.

[BeautifulBlue]

Aww hun. I <3 you. I don't know you, but I know your pain and your fear.

It sounds like you may be bisexual, to a degree. Or you could just relate to men maybe because you find it easier to be friends with them, say due to a self-imposed barrier because of not wanting to be with a woman.

Don't be scared. Everything's going to be ok. Everyone on this forum is here for you.

[judith4live]

ww hun. I <3 you. I don't know you, but I know your pain and your fear.

[zeon]

Hello,
You dont need to worry because if you end up a full blown lesbian be happy with it... Men can still be friends and if wanting kids.... Loads of gay men want to be dads so why not make good friends with one and ask him to be a sperm donor... Its what im doing with a friend of mine when she hits 30... She is heotrsexual and has a loving crush on me but understands despite me being gay i love her to bits but the whole item thing wont exist but ill be her doner x