Don't know what to do....

[aggie2015]

So recently I met a great guy and we instantly felt a connection with each other. We are now dating and I'm very happy with him, although we do have some arguments... but i guess that's normal. Well anyways because of what I have dealt with in the past, I do have trust issues. I'm trying really hard to overcome them, but sometimes it seems really difficult to do so. Also I have started getting really attached to the guy and I really like him... the problem is I'm afraid to get attached to him. Sometimes I just feel like walking away because I fear getting hurt. I know that getting hurt is part of life but I haven't fully accepted it, I guess. I don't know if I should just end this just because I'm afraid to get attached or if I should keep dating him since I really do like him and I see this relationship going somewhere... any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

[Nick9]

I really do like him and I see this relationship going somewhere

but you want to end it...

it has a lot of logic, man :biggrin:

You don't want to be hurt so you better hurt him... uh, nice.

I think that you either want to work with your issue and you stay in the relationship, or you don't and you should not date until you feel ok. Otherwise you will hurt people around you. Maybe get a therapist, if you feel it is that bad?

[East]

When I hear someone say "I have been hurt before and I am afraid of getting hurt again"...I think it is a cop out. An excuse. A cover up for a more interesting problem.

So...challenge yourself and go a little deeper. IF you get hurt it could be a chance to grow and evolve. Why would ANYONE want to wilt away because they were hurt? ..and even worse so many people who get hurt wear it like a crown...a souvenir trophy of sorts...an excuse to behave badly and trash men til the end of time....

The real truth and the more interesting problem is....alot of people have fragile egos. Alot of people are terribly insecure about many things that have to do with themself and instead of identifying these problems they will force them on someone else and make them responsible for their insecurities.....

...and should he be worried about being "hurt" by you? If not, Why not? What quality do you have that would make it so he would never get "hurt"?

If so...why? If he broke up with you because he was "afraid of being hurt"...would that be OK with you? Would you understand? What would you have done to hurt him?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Once bitten twice shy.

"

If somebody is said to be once bitten twice shy, it means that someone who has been hurt or who has had something go wrong will be far more careful the next time.

"
Source: http://www.usingenglish.com/reference/id...e+shy.html

It is an idiom, a common one that hails from long ago. The reason why it stuck and why its used is because a lot of people relate to the idiom through experiences they have had.

That screaming warning in the back of your brain is your experiencing telling you to tread carefully and be wary - there is a potential for harm here.

Potential is not a guarantee. Potentially I can strap on large enough engines to my house and fly it to the moon, there is no guarantee that I will . See how potential works?

Fear is a motivator - and you have fear here, fear of being harmed. Fear can be useful at time, but usually we allow fear to take over that is when stupid walks in. Stupid would be leaving him because you fear he will hurt you when there is no evidence that he will hurt you.

This should be a matter of discussion between you and your love interest. I suspect that you are throwing off a lot of signals that may be scaring him. Body language, too long of a pause when he says some trigger word or phrase.

In a way you could possibly be setting yourself up for a hurting out of fear of being hurt.

So you and he need to sit down, face to face (don't text, email, use a telephone - person to person) and put this past experience on the table and explain to him how you are feeling. He most likely will understand what you are experiencing and will take more pains to not push your buttons - whatever those things are that remind you of that past hurt.

[dfiant]

The first thing that comes to my mind is 'vicious cycle'...you don't break it, that will be your loss...you break it you will gain much much more.

The thing is with trust issues, you have to learn at some point HOW to trust...yeah you could get hurt, but FFS you could also be bloody happy too.

[monk]

That's one of the risks we take in life, I'm afraid.

And isn't he taking the same risk?

Go for it. Yes, you may get hurt but you'll survive, just like before. And what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Good luck.

[aggie2015]

Thanks for all the advice... I do realize that I'd be hurting him by ending the relationship and I don't want to do that at all. I am going to stick with the relationship and stay by his side. I guess you take the risk of getting hurt in any relationship and I'm going to get over that fear. Once again thanks, y'all really gave me a lot to think about and I feel a whole lot better now.

[Rainbowmum]

If you are alive there is the chance of you getting hurt.
Is love worth the risk ? Yes 100% yes.

Please do not let your past cloud your future, please do not make your partner pay for something someone else has done.

[judith4live]

So recently I met a great guy and w