06-14-2012, 11:04 PM
Hello CityBoy, methinks you weren't a late bloomer for nothing... Honestly, if you'd waited this long to have your first kiss, relationship and sex, then you were probably not ready for it before... and as it has taken you this long it might be that you were overprotecting yourself (for any number of reasons) or just unready to give up what is truly intimate to be on offer for everyone.
It is fine that some people can be very open with their sexuality and very open with their relationships. Some men are into casual sex as some men can be into cigarettes or sports, others don't savour these things. I think I'd go with Dfiant's explanation that it's the intimacy you crave more than anything else...
Of course, since you've now tasted sex and know that it has unknown delights in store (are these fantasies fuelled by porn, by any chance?), and you being at that young age when hormones are still raging, your not having any sex must feel unnatural, unhealthy and frustrating.
But it still seems to me that you'll have to concentrate on finding a better partner, maybe not rush into something sexual with the new boyfriend before you can realise that you are on the same wavelength sexually speaking. Discuss practices, discuss experience, discuss fantasies maybe, why not?, beforehand, if you feel you can be blunt enough to explore and expose these, but don't feel that you have to do sex just because everyone else is doing it. Your own time is your own time. As you said before, late bloomer, therefore probably you are someone who takes his time over deciding what he wants to do and with whom. (Could you tell us a bit more about how you encountered the former boyfriend, by the way?)
I'm guessing there will be times in your life when you'll be getting the best sex ever while others will be missing it because they'll no longer be getting it and this might be in your later life. I daresay there's a number of us who waited long enough to enjoy a really satisfying relationship. What the books don't say is that 'divorce' and breakup also exists in the gay world. Maybe it would be best to get this reality check.
I also second Dfiant's caution that sexually transmitted diseases are still rife among those who do sex often and casually (that is if they flit a lot from person to person - what is known as promiscuity) however one bad experience would be enough to bring home what you don't want if you weren't careful in every encounter. It only takes the once.
I think you first need to get over the disappointment of your first relationship, and maybe mourn what you liked about it and see when you are truly ready to go out there again and date.
If you live in New York city, opportunitites should be plentiful, surely.
Good luck with finding your new soul mate.
It is fine that some people can be very open with their sexuality and very open with their relationships. Some men are into casual sex as some men can be into cigarettes or sports, others don't savour these things. I think I'd go with Dfiant's explanation that it's the intimacy you crave more than anything else...
Of course, since you've now tasted sex and know that it has unknown delights in store (are these fantasies fuelled by porn, by any chance?), and you being at that young age when hormones are still raging, your not having any sex must feel unnatural, unhealthy and frustrating.
But it still seems to me that you'll have to concentrate on finding a better partner, maybe not rush into something sexual with the new boyfriend before you can realise that you are on the same wavelength sexually speaking. Discuss practices, discuss experience, discuss fantasies maybe, why not?, beforehand, if you feel you can be blunt enough to explore and expose these, but don't feel that you have to do sex just because everyone else is doing it. Your own time is your own time. As you said before, late bloomer, therefore probably you are someone who takes his time over deciding what he wants to do and with whom. (Could you tell us a bit more about how you encountered the former boyfriend, by the way?)
I'm guessing there will be times in your life when you'll be getting the best sex ever while others will be missing it because they'll no longer be getting it and this might be in your later life. I daresay there's a number of us who waited long enough to enjoy a really satisfying relationship. What the books don't say is that 'divorce' and breakup also exists in the gay world. Maybe it would be best to get this reality check.
I also second Dfiant's caution that sexually transmitted diseases are still rife among those who do sex often and casually (that is if they flit a lot from person to person - what is known as promiscuity) however one bad experience would be enough to bring home what you don't want if you weren't careful in every encounter. It only takes the once.
I think you first need to get over the disappointment of your first relationship, and maybe mourn what you liked about it and see when you are truly ready to go out there again and date.
If you live in New York city, opportunitites should be plentiful, surely.
Good luck with finding your new soul mate.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
mile: Good luck to you too.
