How to deal with fear of loosing your loved one ??

[Jonathan]

So I have kind of accepted one of my main issues in relationships is I have a fear of my boyfriend leaving me. This fear makes me want to run the other way. I hate it. I fear he might find someone else or just leave me one day. I don't talk about these fears. But I would be heartbroken if he did. It has been 6 months and we are going strong other then some issues we talked though. But I legit have this fear when he is not around and I am not sure how to deal with it? Should I talk to him? Is it normal to have these fears of abandonment?

[Sevendust324]

So I have kind of accepted one of my main issues in relationships is I have a fear of my boyfriend leaving me. This fear makes me want to run the other way. I hate it. I fear he might find someone else or just leave me one day. I don't talk about these fears. But I would be heartbroken if he did. It has been 6 months and we are going strong other then some issues we talked though. But I legit have this fear when he is not around and I am not sure how to deal with it? Should I talk to him? Is it normal to have these fears of abandonment?

Hey Jonathan,

I just wanted to start off by saying I totally understand what you are feeling. I had a relationship for 4 years that ended, and recently just started another one about 4 weeks ago. That being said, my biggest issue during these relationships was the fact that I always worried about my partner finding someone else. Everything was swell when we were around each other, but when we had to spend time away I would just constantly fear that he would find someone better than me. It's so overwhelming sometimes and I think it's completely normal for some people just to have these emotions.

After my 4 year relationship, I realized myself that my feelings stemmed from my own insecurities. I didn't really value myself when I wasn't around my significant other, and that is a big problem if you are trying to make a relationship work. These are the 3 things I am practicing now in my new relationship to help me not get back to how bad I got in my last relationship:

1. Take care of you...meaning: eat healthy, work out, go to school, work on YOU.
2. Find a support system away from your partner. I found that just venting to my close friends about how I'm feeling made a lot of it go away.
3. If you can, find a way to communicate your feelings with your partner. I told my partner recently about feeling this way, but I'm working on it. Try not to make it a trust issue, I honestly think this feeling stems from insecurity in some fashion and once you tackle that you will be able to overcome.

Anyway, if you want to send me a private message...we can chat more. I think just talking about it to someone that understand is a huge step in letting go and trusting your partner.

Hope this helps.

[kindy64]

I am like this in so many ways. I'm 52, fiance is 21. He's sexy gorgeous, I have low self-esteem (even though guys say I'm handsome often enough.)

FUD factor X 10 (fear uncertainty doubt) I think it's natural to have some FUD about relationships no matter how long you are in it. When it starts affecting your relationship is when it becomes a problem.

Mostly it comes down to trusting your partner, and communication. He tells me where he's going, I trust that he's not cheating on me or looking for something better. I don't smother him, or try to keep tabs on him minute by minute. Listening to issues he's had in the past with other boyfriends informed me on how he didn't want me acting. Not being constantly glued to his hip. Not constantly checking up on him.

[Gemini]

First, let me tell you a story. At 17, I met this truly amazing guy and fell hard. Yeah, I was young, but it all just seemed so right. We'd been together a year and a half when he got this amazing opportunity to spend a month aboard a research ship studying pilot whales. He was a little older than me and training to be a marine biologist.

Two and a half weeks out, there was a horrible accident. There was an explosion in the engine room and the ship caught fire and began to sink. He was killed.

What did I do? All the predictable things. I spent a long time feeling lost and heartbroken, depressed and moping and writing really bad poetry. poetry. It took me a long time to pull myself together.

I hear people say that if you're worried about something, think about the worst possible thing that could happen if your worries come true, and the nthink about how you'd deal with it. There are no certainties in life. Sad things happen. [MENTION=24023]Sevendust324[/MENTION] gave you the best possible advice. Work on yourself and on building a community of friends around yourself so that there'll be people who have your back when the hard stuff happens.

I survived. I'm happy in my life. It sounds trite, but life goes on and things get better. All this being said, I hope you guys stay together and stay happy.

[Sammy401]

I feel the same way

[InbetweenDreams]

It all comes down to trust, communication and self-confidence. I think we often create our own problems by worrying about it.

I will admit that I do struggle with all of the above. I often am trusting, but when I do trust someone I often don't communicate very well due to the fear of being rejected, whether that means being put into the friend zone or someone leaving me from someone else. That all stems from lack of self-confidence, like there's someone who's better than me, or maybe I feel unattractive or unworthy of someone's love. It's a lot of stuff to work through. I think often enough, at least in my case, it is us not them. You also have to think that in many cases your partner may be feeling the same way about you, that you might leave them, or find them unattractive or afraid of saying how they feel about you, or that they love you because they're afraid of rejection...and so the cycle continues.

[Sammy401]

Well how can you find out if your boyfriend loves you like he says he do

[Gemini]

Well how can you find out if your boyfriend loves you like he says he do

Actions speak louder than words.
Does what he says match up with what he does?

[kindy64]

Time... best not to test it though, life will do that for you