Internal Homophobia

[pellaz]

i read this early this morning "Internalized Homophobia", someone here at gayspeak so thanks up front. It appears to be a clinical term.

got me to thinking how I myself have exhibit this (not to be un accepting of my history):
-it has diminished my self love?, form time to time, I only love myself 0.70, Could cause me to look in the mirror and only accept what I see as less than functional. I go off to put the best spin on what I believe to less than a 1.00
-I have always had a feminine side and a masculine side. Not consistently, but I have pushed the masculine side to its absolute limits. Never did so with the feminine side but if I did would I have been more gay at a younger age and a stronger runner?
-would this cause a totally gay man to appreciate a more masculine partner?
-is homophobia in general a learned emotion or is it like cigarettes (we have lips for a reason)?

so the question to start the thread, do you feel this (as an internal thing) in others or your self. How has it changed your life.

[pellaz]

to the top

[Ind]

I think I've managed to keep it to a minimum. I used to have plenty.

I think it really differs depending on the person. It used to be that seeing homophobia (on the internet) would hurt me. I sort of knew that the arguments homophobes use are flawed, but deep inside I still felt like less of a human because of being gay. I don't have that anymore. Whenever I face homophobia, I just go: oh, here we go again..

Or I think my ex struggled with it. Don't get me wrong he was out to all his friends, parents, colleagues and so on. But I think he still thought that being gay would ultimately mean being unhappy. And that drove him into making mistakes that ended up costing our relationship.

Not sure if this makes sense, but hope you got the idea mile:

[mrk2010]

I think to an extent all gay people feel a sense of internalised homophobia, I know personally I used to hate my self and loathed who I was so kind of in that sense I had internalised homophobia. When I was at my worst reading things like "gay people can choose not to be gay" use to really affect me, it made me think "Why can't I choose not to be gay?" "Is there something wrong with me?" But in time I just saw in life you get dickheads, then you get prejudiced dick heads and then you stop caring what others think. To an extent today I still feel a bit funny and unsure in myself but I think that will end :-)

[Jayd]

The internalization of hate was terrifying for me. I came across this contradiction between my religious upbringing, strict conservative lutheran upbringing, and my sexual orientation. Because I was such a believer, I hated myself for not being a good christian and for being attracted to the same sex. This couldn't be happening to me. I thought the two couldn't co-exist. And for me, they couldn't, so, I decided to reject my faith instead and had a phase of atheism which has become a more humanistic perspective. And of course, I have confidence and pride in my identity now. It was a messy path, and all of our paths are different. So I am respectful of anyone's path.

[Pix]

I think about everyone (and I mean to include all those heterosexuals) have some degree of insecurity, especially when it comes to their sexuality (obviously I'm not limiting this to orientation).