Dating a (much older) man

[Bowyn Aerrow]

That's sad bowyn, real sad that you think people aren't able to appreciate and thus connect simply because of the fads that were "of their respective times". People are always being shaped regardless of what era they grew up in - there is only one time in a persons life and that is there Life Time, which lasts their whole life - so there is no reason why two people of vastly different ages cannot connect. Your post suggests that all older people are rigid and stuck in the past, and that all young people are immature and shallow. Whether or not people can share their lives is dependant on who they are as people, and people are not purely products of their eras. I certainly am not defined by mtv and ipads, thank you. There is far more worth to my person that has been appreciated by many older people whom I am also able to appreciate. Your view of why and how people are able to connect really limits humanity and suggests that maybe you are shallow. We should all know by now how deep and vast and dynamic people are - a beautiful spectrum we have and we should be trying to unite and celebrate connection, not creating more reasons for segragation.

Like it or not, the fads we lived through determine our personalities for life.

And its not just fads.

The generation before me had the whole little thing called Vietnam and the Civil Rights movement. While I had an intellectual understanding about these things I wasn't there, I didn't do that. Thus I was forever mystified and out of touch with an older man's take on what life is about due to his perspective from these events.

You - do you recall how Regan treated the Gay Plague? Can you fully feel the outrage and anger that gays in their 40's feel over how Reagen, a real demon to us in the LGBT community has turned into some sort of white chocolate Jesus of the Republicans.

You can't really relate - sure you can have an intellectual understanding, but you didn't live it - thus it doesn't impact you the same way.

9-11. You were how old? 12? You were going to school that day, I seriously doubt that as a 12 year old you related to 9-11-2001 the same way as I did when I was 35.

Do you recall the world before Pat-downs, TSA molestations, Terrorist Alerts in colors, the Patriot acts? Do you remember being able to meet people practically at the plane's door?

You know these things once took place, but you never really lived it, thus you cannot fully relate to these things the way us 40 something year olds do.

It's funny how many people are ageist without even realising it. Suggesting things like young people have nothing to offer until they grow up and "learn stuff" and "get experience", or old people are boring and out of date. Why exactly are those ungrounded, sweeping generalisations any more acceptable than "black people all carry guns" or "autistics are brain damaged retards".

Actually you 20-something year olds do need to learn a lot.

You are barely an adult. You spent most of your life in the care of a parent and (God Willing) you were sheltered from the harsh realities of day to day life.

As such you pretty much still have these huge dreams, and still have a naive take on what the world is.

When I was in my 20's I was as naive (perhaps more so since no one could Google data) and full of silly dreams that were not inline with the reality of being an adult in the real world.

I needed (as everyone needs) that first decade of adulthood to figure out a lot of stuff, to explore YOUR world and find YOUR niche.

This is best done with someone your own age, who can relate to the world with your fresh, bright dream filled eyes instead of through the jaded, old eyes of myself or anyone else my age.

By the time the first decade of your adult life is up you will more fully understand the generalization of 'kids needing to learn more' and 'getting experience'.

I predict in about 20 years you will be on some forum saying pretty much the same thing, and looking back at your own 20's when some 'old guy' was telling you you were wet behind the ears.

I was there - Some old guy was telling me in my 20's that I was ignorant, childish, and had a lot to learn and I screamed 'No - It ain't so -I'm an Adult!!!'

Today I know that yes, he was right. I was inexperienced, I was naive - and I had to learn a lot.

[monk]

It's funny how many people are ageist without even realising it. Suggesting things like young people have nothing to offer until they grow up and "learn stuff" and "get experience", or old people are boring and out of date.

I'm nearly sixty, going grey and like to listen to The Beatles - fancy some rampant sex?

Thought not.

[Rikki]

Your point?

[Rikki]

You talk as if you know me bowyn - making statements about who I am and what my life has been like and what I can or cannot do - and you do not. My point is that everyone is always learning, though you seem to know everything. "Like it or not"?? Your words are patronising - putting across your opinion as if it were fact. My point is that no one possesses anyone elses experience of anything but we can try to imagine and empathise - I am not talking of intellectual understanding. And it seems to me your "intellectual understanding" has blocked you from being able to empathise with anyone or see anything from their point of view as you seem to think you can tell evEryone about themselves based on what age group they are in. Yes what happens in our lives plays some part in shaping us but it is not all of us. I would thank you to not think you know me and can assume that my view of the world or my dreams are naïve. You may live in a world full of harsh realities in which you have no control on how events shape you but I do not. We all live in our own worlds. There's a "new" controversial idea, patronise me for that.

[avidcyclistMTB]

I'm nearly sixty, going grey and like to listen to The Beatles - fancy some rampant sex?

Thought not.

Haha! Monk, if I were not previously engaged I might consider it! Don't sell yourself short.

[Toby]

I'm going to jump in here.

Bowen Aerrow,

All you're doing is dismissing people and any thought or opinion they might have completely, which is cruel and unjustified. I get it, you're correct, people are different ages.

My absolute closest friend in the world is eighty-two years old. He's a retired actor who spent fifty years working on stage and screen in New York and L.A. He introduced himself to me after at the end of a play I was in about ten years ago and took me under his wing as a mentor of sorts. We've been working together ever since. Recently, his health has been declining and I spend part of every day now looking after him, and I can't think of anything I'd rather do. I owe him everything. One of the reasons I look up to him so much is because for all his experience and wisdom and talent, he has never once, not once, condescended to me or made me feel less, or insignificant because of my age. And you know what I do when I'm around him? I listen, a lot. I value everything he has to say. But sometimes I also talk, and then he listens. He has always treated me as an equal when he is completely justified, more than anyone, to pat me on the head and say, "oh you just don't understand, junior." Having that confidence and respect from someone I actually admire is worth more than gold.

You see, respect must be mutual, or there will exist none on either side. But I imagine you'll wave what I'm saying completely away with your ageist trump card and tell me I need to shut up and listen to you. What you're saying is not constructive in the least. You're achieving nothing but inflating you're own self importance by putting others down. Are people ever as wise as they will be ten years later? Of course not. The fact that some people are young and some people are old is not new information.