wintermoon Wrote:I don't care if he is intending to bash gays or not...I personally HATE the "F" word, as well as any other racial, ethnic or bigoted slur out there......I hate it when fellow gay people use it as well....its one of the few things on this planet that honestly sets my blood to boil.
I've never found that sort of humor funny, I think its cheap and vulgar and only the very lowbrow would find anything funny about it if I may speak so frankly.
Trust me, I get just as upset over hearing people use the "N" word as I do the "F" word.
I couldn't tell you why it angers me so, but it does. I might be coming off as a buzz-kill but I don't care. Now I'm not a squeaky-clean guy by any means...I just don't think we need to stoop to racial and homophobic jackassery to be funny.
I understand about feeling angry over any use of the F word. I think when one straight guy calls another straight guy an F word, what they’re basically saying is (putting aside even the derogatory nature of the word itself) “The worst thing I can possibly say about you is that you’re a homosexual.†However, I've started to change my feelings on that and I'll try to best explain why.
I used to work with adults with developmental disabilities. It was a day program that focused on the performing arts. We would write plays and perform them as a troupe to elementary schools proving that adults with developmental disabilities can be role models and that you can do anything if you put your mind to it. It was a great job and I gained an immense amount of experience and understanding from it. However, one of the ideas that we were told to promote was the elimination of what we had to refer to as "the R word." I probably don't have to explain what that is, but just in case, it's retarded. Before I continue I want to say that I know that this isn't exactly comparable to the F word or the N word. Each situation is unique. But still, I think it has a bit of relevance.
When I first started working there I was all about not using "the R word." I had never once said it in my private life because I agreed that it was hurtful and demeaning. But the more I worked there, the more I realized something. The desire for no one to use the word came completely, and I mean COMPLETELY, from the staff, from people without disabilities. It was people being offended on behalf of others. And it came from a good place, a humane place. But the truth was, the clients couldn't give a care in the world what other people said or thought. But they were coached into feeling a certain way and give a knee jerk reaction to a word. There's also a movement to completely strike the term “mental retardation†as a medical definition in favor of things like "intellectually disabled," which, in my opinion, is extremely more demeaning on a semantic level. The only reason they're trying to eliminate the word retarded is because a bunch of assholes hijacked the word and tried to turn it into something dirty. And by trying to get rid of the word it's telling the meanies of the world, "You win. I give up. You took a harmless definition of my medical condition and have now turned it into a weapon and I'd like to distance myself as far from it as possible. Please don't hurt me." The message I would've liked to promote was "Yes, I am a person who was diagnosed with a case of mental retardation. This does make me a “retard†because I am a complex human being capable of achieving whatever my heart and desire wills and I will not allow you or anyone to define me by some silly word. So I'm not going to tell you that you can't use the word because you have the right to say it if that's how you truly feel. Preventing someone from saying a word doesn't prevent them from feeling a certain way; it just makes them more creative in how they express their ignorance and hatred. The way that I am going to combat that ignorance is to prove to you, through my actions and my life, that you are wrong. Shutting someone up does not mean that the world is getting better. The only way to know when things get better is when people make the choice to stop saying hurtful things, and I will not take that choice from you." I would’ve liked to promote what I was taught by the clients themselves, which is to not let others affect the way I feel about myself, rather than impose upon them some blind politically correct B.S.
What better gift could you give to someone who wants to hurt you than a word you've packed with so much explosiveness and potential for harm. Every time someone says “don’t say that word, it’s hurtful,†bullies and hate filled people should thank that person and give them a big ol’ hug because they already did half the work for them.
Like I said at the beginning, I know this isn’t exactly comparable to the F word. The F word was derogatory from the beginning. I also know that you didn’t say you’d try to stop people from saying it, so the above story wasn’t directed towards you, I’m just explaining how I came to my conclusion about these words. This is just me trying to explain my feelings on the matter.
I’m also not trying to say that I think it’s great if people go around calling each other derogatory names. Ultimately, what I’m trying (with much difficulty obviously) is that I try to force myself to not let those words bother me and instead try to understand the intent of the person saying them. The use of the words absolutely stem form either ignorance or hate. If they stem from hate, then yeah, there’s not whole lot to be done about that. In fact, it makes perfect sense that a hateful person would use those words. However, if it stems simply from ignorance, like if a person is going around calling his friends the F word because he doesn’t know any gay people and he thinks that it’s an insult, then my responsibility (or my choice) is to prove through my life why it’s not an insult.
I hope this didn’t come off antagonistic because I completely understand the feelings you expressed. I just think it’s a really interesting and important subject.
Is this offensive and hurtful?
Leo
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