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06-23-2012, 08:11 PM

Hi there, first time poster here.

I was wondering if you could lend an ear and help me out with a predicament.
I realise this scenario tends to happen a lot with straight women when sleeping with assshole men but with gay guys I believe it's a different matter all together.
So here's my story:

Recently in the land of casual dating I've been dumbfounded by a strange occurrence.
A couple months ago I started talking with a young guy on a random gay dating app, we hit it off immediately. He was intelligent, nerdy, a bit awkward, heaps of things in common and we began playing online video games together before even meeting.
As I'm sure you will be familiar with our understanding that we were both looking for nothing in particular. Friends, casual sex or possibly more; the usual. Right?
One night we decided to meet at mine on a whim as it had been long enough. He came over, we talked, hit it off and moved into the bedroom for the obvious. The following morning, we went to the city, all was fine and we parted ways. Over the next week or so I noticed a radical drop in our communications. We used to talk every day, almost all day, so thinking it was probably his nervousness I tried to make casual contact but I received vague responses. I tried one last time to see if we could repeat our first night, I received something vague and never heard from him again. I didn't really know what to think as he wasn't your typical guy, but meh, I moved on.

You still with me? Ok.
More recently I started chatting to a gentleman, we talked quite a lot, got along and we were looking for the same easy going 'thing'. We decided to meet and went on a date. Went to a couple bars and ended back at mine. We had a super intimate night and in the morning he kissed me goodbye and said he would be in contact. I sent him a random text the same night, didn't get a reply, but didn't think anything of it. 4 or 5 days past and I texted him asking if he wanted to get together the following weekend. No reply and nothing since. He just dissapeared.

Now, what is puzzling is, the total irony of it all. In all of my sexual experiences us gay guys usually become friends after we fuck don't we? We don't usually have this problem of assholeism. We dont play games or have these calling rules. And considering I was totally casual is dumbfounding to me. And to be honest, in these days of total 2 dimensional men, I'm unique, interesting, intelligent, cute, I have interests and depth with great pillow conversation. Yet these last couple times have left me being paranoid about something I did?

Any ideas?
Thanks!

06-23-2012, 08:47 PM

I've had the same thing happen to me a few times. They say they'll message me back/call me and it never happens, and then when I try to contact them they don't contact me back.

I don't think it's you. I think it's them, personally.

06-23-2012, 08:47 PM

First of all, welcome to Gayspeak.

Men are men gay or straight. Most men say the things that they believe they want others to hear so they can get what they want.

Since moving to the Gold Coast 12 years ago, I have noticed this more so than when I was living in Sydney. I'm not sure what it is about this region, but people in general are more superficial and fake...On the other hand, I have met some of the greatest people that I can call friends since moving here, unfortunately they are all str8.

Unfortunately the internet is over crowded with closeted and curious men, I'd say that the guys you slept with got the guilts after the experience.

I honestly don't know, but it is what it is Wink

06-23-2012, 09:26 PM

I am making an assumption here. You are in your early 20's?

Unfortunately most guys are into the Mr Right-Now phase of their life and not the Mr Right...or in other words the 4 F's phase....Find 'em, Fuck 'em and Forget 'em

06-23-2012, 10:41 PM

You got me excited. I thought maybe there was a new Hardy Boys book out.

06-24-2012, 12:11 AM

I had a problem of this sort...but I was "that guy"...the a**hole:biggrin:. And in defense of the a**holes:biggrin:

By the time I was 23 I was openly blunt and direct because of situations like this. When I met someone I would tell them that I don't know if I would be interested dating them unless we had sex first. I don't do the whole "put my best foot forward" nonsense with anyone. I actually AM alot nicer than I pretend to be instead of vice versa...you will never hear me describe myself as a "great guy".....

Unlike the guys who can slip into anonymity...I worked at a gay bar and had to confront the people who I had no chemistry with afterward. 9 out of 10 claimed WE had a good time but they were mistaken. I thought just not calling them or pursuing them would be the nicest thing to do and when I told them that I got the usual tirade...so one day with this one guy I will never forget I told him off right in the middle of the tirade...

THE TRUTH? YOU WANT THE TRUTH? I DID NOT LIKE YOU ONCE I GOT INTO BED WITH YOU. I WANTED TO LEAVE RIGHT AWAY BUT I WAS TOO AFRAID TO TELL YOU SO I STAYED. I AM NOT INTO YOU AT ALL AND I HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE EMOTIONALY NEEDY AND CLINGY! I ALSO HATE VICTIMS...I GREW UP WITH TWO OF THEM AND THEY DRAINED EVERY LAST BIT OF ENERGY OUT OF ME DAILY! YOU HAVE THE SAME ENERGY THEY DID!

HAPPY?

In the end...he really didn't want to me to have the "decency to tell him the truth" after having demanded it minutes earlier:biggrin:. It is what I figured but after that I made up my mind to just be upfront about it so no one got the wrong idea...which is why I began with putting my worst foot forward from that moment on so I never had to deal with that again...

The truth is a b*tch sometimes.....

To be fair...when a guy did that to me I was often disappointed but I "got it"...he just wasnt' that into me. Rejection doesn't have to be traumatic. It is normal.

So many people who claim to want to hear the truth really do not want to hear it at all. They often lie to themselves regularly and expect you to tell them what they already know but wont' even look at themselves.

Sorry.....I dont' want to offend and I have no idea what your guys were thinking but I wanted to give the discussion a different perspective and that is my story. Xyxthumbs

06-24-2012, 01:07 AM

One of my good friends gets on Craigslist and Grindr to meet guys for random hookups. He was telling me what upsets him is that he will meet someone after a while of talking and then they would have sex and then they wouldn't respond to his texts anymore. He was upset and was like what is up with gay men. You cant be friends after sex or even if their not attracted to you and you have things in common they still don't want to be friends. In my opinion when you get on sites like that most people look at you as a "Body to use for their pleasure". They don't care about you. They just want one thing. That is why I don't do hook ups. I'm not allowing someone to use me and then throw me away like their trash. I would rather find someone who cares for me and I care for them.

06-24-2012, 04:10 AM

In my country. Most of the VN's gays come looking for sex. Notthing more,90%. Sick of it =.=". When they get what they wanted,so...they leave.

06-24-2012, 06:12 AM

I can relate to what your going through to some degree. I met a guy online and we chatted for a good week. Deep down inside I knew he was only interested in sex, but he just fell completely off of the map and won't talk to me, but whatever, that's just some men I guess

06-24-2012, 09:17 AM

Thanks everyone for posting your viewpoints!!

To get something straight, I'm not an innocent, clueless person. Upon talking to these people we agree in what we're looking for. I personally prefer ongoing casual encounters, more so meeting up as friends, hanging out as friends and fucking now and again. Because if I was looking for a relationship I would be a lot more picky.
Obviously I understand they don't wish to see me again, I'm not in denial. If they wanted to see me, they would call. I'm just confused as to why they appear as normal, functioning human beings up to the point. I guess I'm just used to "fuck buddies" that gradually progress into less fucking and more friendship with no hard feelings. Get me?