Coming out at school is somewhat complicated as my father retired from the university I now attend. My brothers also attended this school and still have connections within the campus. I like the idea of coming out slowly, but I do not have any friends who would accept my sexuality. Once I'm out, my whole network of people will know within a few days, if not hours. Thank god for the Internet lol.
I like the idea of forming an "escape plan" to establish independence. I graduate at the end of the year and then I begin to look for a job. My parents have access to my bank account, my car is in their name, along with my insurance, cell phone etc. If I were outed now, they would freeze my account and they would do everything in their power to make my life hell. So, I need to get everything in my name alone before I begin to open up.
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Im thinking
you should just put your foot down, and try sort out your own place
and then tell them after u have ur own space and see how it goes from there
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Thanks James. I got your pm but I haven't posted enough to send them myself. I think having my own space would be great, and would be possible once I start looking for a job. How do you go about making friends who are gay-friendly?
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I know things like this are never "black and white", but here is the thing. Your father and mother have had the opportunity to "live their lives", and now it's your turn, you have to "live yours" as well. I'm not saying that you even have to tell them that you are gay. Really, why is your sexuality any of their business, but you have the right to have a happy, productive life, so I'd say it's time for you to move out and be on your own. The care of your parents can be shared with all your siblings, not just you. Everyone can pitch in and check up on them, even daily if necessary. I know it's not an easy thing to do, I commend you for caring and wanting to do right by them, but this is "your time" to live....
My 2 cents, for what its worth...
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Good pts maverick. I don't really know why, but i feel guilty for keeping my sexuality a secret. It's like everyday I'm lying.
My siblings haven't come out and said it, but they have all became very distant with my parents after moving out. On fathers day, my dad received one phone call around 9:30 plus what I got him. He asked me if I had heard from anyone else, and he looked hurt when I told him no. I didn't tell him that the only reason he even got a phone call was because I sent out texts to remind them. My siblings are reluctant to do much of anything for him because of his personality. My brother has been encouraging me to move out for awhile, saying that he'll "move my ass out" himself.
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I will say this, advice is easy to hand out, so I know it's much tougher when you're living in the situation. I certainly wish I had a few "do-overs" in my life because I would have done things differently. You are young and just starting out, and I hope you don't look back in 20 years and wish you'd done things differently.
I truly hope and wish you the best, just know that sometimes you have to be selfish (or at least it feels selfish at the time) and don't feel like you always have to "do the right thing". Sometimes doing the right thing is doing what is right for you. I know it's difficult, but you only get one ride in life... don't throw yours away traveling down your parents road....
Again, easy for me to say...
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