Coming Out In College

[lightup19]

Basically throughout high school I kept my sexuality a secret. I would simply tell girls who asked me out that I was too young to date. Long story short, I'm off to college now and I just want to finally embrace my sexuality socially and stop hiding it. Even before college has started there are already problems... Two girls at orientation tracked me down on Facebook and said they are interested in me. I just thought I had at least the rest of the summer to prepare myself for this but it's already happening! Should I tell these two girls I'm gay? We really hit it off and I would love to just be friends with them in the fall. I just have the fear of people treating me badly.

[monk]

Sometimes you just have to take your courage in both hands. As you intend to come out when in college, I'd tell them now.

Good luck.

[dfiant]

What Monk said

[Nick9]

Hi,

you can't take back what you say. I guess I would wait till the first months of the college to see how things will be there. But I have no idea how gay friendly Boston is, maybe you don't need to be so cautious.
Good luck

[Sil]

It's tough coming out to people, especially when you haven't before... honestly it gets a little easier every time.

sometimes I don't always drop the 'G' bomb I'll just say something like "oh I don't think my partner would like that..." then when they ask something I'll say "HE should be fine with that." It might seem a little dumb and subtle but sometimes saying I'm gay is like saying I love you, it can be full of weight and significance.

Or if you want to be loud and proud, I'd say go for it people have different ways of coming out so there's no right way; I think a lot of people say throwing yourself into it is the best, as long as your environment and friends are open to it. I will say that the pay-off of knowing who you are and conquering your fears is awesome. I was worried about losing friends too, and you WILL shock some people, but my friends have all got over it fairly quickly. Best of luck mate x

[pellaz]

if you feel you want to out your self all good. Dont let anyone tell you the how, where, when...

if your out:
-a straight hag girl friend can be a great asset for a gay man. Up front you should let them know they are wasting their time for romance but you could and want to be friends. No reason you cant have a night out with the girls and everyone goes to their own bed. If they treat you badly it wont be the first and you will definitively know all you need to know about the individual. Tho friends are difficult to find, you must move on to the next.
-Today most adults dont care if your gay or straight. college may be a students first experience away from home but every one matures at a different rate and way. Be cautious who you meet up with; that they are not still in high school and are stupid and or homophobic. 4example; avoid dorm rooms with cameras.
-Boston is a very large city. It will have its gay bro, even on campus. Talk with the campus lgbt center to get ideas where to be for an accepting environment.

if you feel it is necessary you could post you are gay on your FB. Instead of rumor and innuendo people can judge you for who you actually are and a possible bad is a perspective employer may take you off their short list.
Put up some obvious gay posters in your room, just put a equality sticker on your car or nothing at all.

[lightup19]

Thanks for the advice. I am actually attending school in Rhode Island! If it absolutely comes down to it, I will just tell them the truth. I'd like to think that everyone is mature and accepting in college but that is not always the case so perhaps I will just see how the first few months are before any major decisions as Nick9 suggested. I just don't want to be asking this same advice years later haha.

[Rawr]

Not sure if you have already, but it's important you tell the two girls you're not interested. You can make up a different exscuse if you like. Just, you'd be wasting their time if you were to give them the slightest bit of hope. If you decided to tell them you're gay, then I'm sure they'll get the idea.

However, depending on how much they like you it may be dificult for them to stay as your friend. For instance, it's quite hard to get over someone who you see and talk too constantly. Unless you mean stay as just friends as in somewhat of an aquantance where you'd probably only see them every once in a while.

Eitherway, as others have said, come out when you feel most ready and you know it's time. People may treat you badly, but that's life. There will always be someone who will try to put you down, regardless of your sexuality. You just need to ignore these people as they're not worth the effort. Focus on the people who treat you with kindness and respect.

Perhaps it may be a good idea to make some friends first and then start by telling them. (That going off the assumption you'll be meeting mostly new people). Eitherway, I hope this advice is helpful, I know it's not great.

[lightup19]

Not sure if you have already, but it's important you tell the two girls you're not interested. You can make up a different exscuse if you like. Just, you'd be wasting their time if you were to give them the slightest bit of hope. If you decided to tell them you're gay, then I'm sure they'll get the idea.

However, depending on how much they like you it may be dificult for them to stay as your friend. For instance, it's quite hard to get over someone who you see and talk too constantly. Unless you mean stay as just friends as in somewhat of an aquantance where you'd probably only see them every once in a while.

Eitherway, as others have said, come out when you feel most ready and you know it's time. People may treat you badly, but that's life. There will always be someone who will try to put you down, regardless of your sexuality. You just need to ignore these people as they're not worth the effort. Focus on the people who treat you with kindness and respect.

Perhaps it may be a good idea to make some friends first and then start by telling them. (That going off the assumption you'll be meeting mostly new people). Eitherway, I hope this advice is helpful, I know it's not great.

Thanks. The simple thing to do is tell girls that you are not interested but I just don't want to make them feel insecure. My problem is I'm too nice.. I guess the number one thing I'm afraid of is those people that put you down but you're right, I'll have to learn to deal with them as they will always be there. Hopefully I'll seek out a nice group of friends I can be myself around!

[OrphanPip]

Well you only met them at orientation, I doubt they'll be that heartbroken, and besides even if you were straight you'd have to turn one of them down :p.

Personally, I don't think there is any harm in you telling two women, who are pretty much strangers, that you are gay. Worst case scenario is that they just don't talk to you any more.

Edit: Also, if you're attending Brown, congrats.