The world is full of bigots and ignorant people.Im not gay so of course i dont experience what you do but why the fook should you have to explain yourself to anybody.Your sexuality is yours and anyone who has a problem with it well....................balls to them.
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Well said m'luv !!
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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It's a question that doesn't bother me. It just makes sense, since the majority of people are straight, they just assume you are too. The question about having a girlfriend or boyfriend is probably the most common question on the planet...it only gets our backs up because we worry about their reaction to our answer.
Shadow is right. After a while it does get easier. Over the years I ahve just replaced girlfreind with boyfriend (earlier) and husband now. It's not long before it comes up in a sentence or something I'm talking about.
In the end, it's up to us to make a change. We cannot expect peole to treat us the same if we constantly try to distance ourselves from "normal" social interaction. Making excuses for something becasue we are afraid of getting wrong reactions for heterosexuals looks like we are ashamed or embarrassed.
We ask to be treated the same but them get irritated when they do. No straight person ignores the question, tell someone it's not their business or takes the "it's my private life" way out. I'm gay. Big deal. if they have a problem it's their problem.
But we'll never get over the mistaken question just purely becasue of the numbers. Like assuming everyone you meet in England is English at first. Why would you not?
As for the biggots .....they will always be there and no ammount of discourse will sway them. Like racism, it's based on ignorance.
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There is a subtly different spin to this though, which I have observed many times ...
I agree 100% with Michael that it's not necessarily a bad thing that we're asked - however in more cases than not I have witnessed people lying about having a boyfriend by fudging the gender issue - I know, I've done it many times in the past myself ... for the exact reasons you've outlined which is basically that you don't want to have people looking down their nose at you, or branding you a freak because you're gay ...
... at the end of the day it IS up to us to be able to square up to ourselves as much as anybody else and say (and believe it when we say it) that there is nothing AT all wrong with being gay ... HOWEVER, that being said, when you're the only gay in the village, it can be a bit oppressive sometimes to FIND that courage ... that backbone if you will ... and so, whilst I think it's really saddening that people feel better concealing what is at the end of the day just another simple truth about themselves, I do sympathise with the reasoning behind it in many instances ...
Added to which, being gay is something that can quite easily be concealed when that fight or flight sensation kicks in ...
It's something we perhaps just need to condition ourselves to resist, and to be as open with those people asking the question as they invite us to be by virtue of their asking the question in the first place !!
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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True,
It also seems much easier to do once you have a significant other. What we won't stick up for ourselves we tend to jump in and do for someone we love. Also, the longer you are out the more exhausting it becomes to try and thread the needle all the time..or walk that line by fudging gender or just misunderstanding the question.
But it also becomes easier the more often you are truthfull. Working in Germany and being asked the question almost every day why I was there just finaly numbed me to anyones reaction. And thruth be told, 99% of the time I got a good reaction or (just as well) no reaction.
The thing with being on the defensive is that bullies and racists and their ilk look for weakness. Whatever the issue, if you look unsure and timid and in the wrong, a bully will always take advantage of that. Being honest and forthright takes away their power to push you around and belittle you. Their are exceptions, but for the most part that holds true.
Make it no big deal and most people will follow your lead. Like anything, with practice it becomes easier. So since the numbers mean we will always be on the other end, the sooner we sart practicing the easier it becomes.
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ok.....where the hell are the smiley's?
God I'm lame.......
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They're in that little section to the right of where you type your posts ? Or, alternatively, you can click on the [More] button beneath them to get the full list ...
... some of them are REALLY good !! :biggrin:.
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
xxx
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When does it end?
mile:
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