So,
It seems that the people engage in this and they are either a top, or bottom or versitile. Is this always the way that you have sex or are there other ways that you and your partner experience sex? Not to be too nosey, but I'm just curious. This is something that worries me because it might limit my chances of finding/keeping someone.
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When it comes to anal sex... usually there is a top or bottom. I can't really think exactly of too many other ways, but, here are some others besides penile penetration in the anus:
~Rimming- in this case, there's the giver and reciever
~Two people using a double-ended dildo and getting fucked with it at the same time
~69- suck each other off/rim each other at the same time
~Jacking each other off or rubbing penes together
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For my opinion this top / bottom thing is complete overrated ... and it is just a Theme for people who have sex with changing partners.
If you are in a relationship you know what you like ..you know what your partner like ..and thats it. You don´t go to bed with a thought like "Goddess ..hard to decide what I am today..."...
Like every other thing sex ( and the feelings and reactions ) are like all the other things something you have to learn.
If you limit you and your partner only and just to anal sex you loose so many other ways of having great sex and good feelings...
Some people have just anal sex.... other people try to find new things out... and by example if you and you partner like that your partner is on a leash and barks if he want to be petted... don´t make you any thought about that ... try new things out .. be free in your life and your sexual experiences....
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Doesn't really matter if you're a top or bottom, when it comes to sex and love it's a changing beautiful thing. You go with what you and your partner like and make it happen.
Richard
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I have some gay friends who have been in a relationship since they were in their 30s and are now in their 60s and when I was talking to them one day about the whole top and bottom thing, they had no clue what I was talking about! This just goes to show you that a label isn't necessary.
Sometimes, I think that guys label themselves as a top as a way of saying they don't want to receive anal sex. Also, some older guys will often label themselves a bottom when they start having erectile problems and don't want to get anyone's hopes up.
Personally, I don't like the labels. My partner and I have many ways of having fun sex without anal when we're just not in the mood. You now that's allowed, right? I can be horny as all get out and not want to give OR receive sometimes. Take fenris' advice and forget the label and be creative sexually. There's SO much fun to be had and so much intimacy to gain.
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for those on grinder or craigslist who will never see the same person again; top or bottom will have to work.
for someone looking for a relationship asking the top or bottom question might get you tossed to the curb before you even get started.
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i would say be flexable if u love someone your want to please them and them please you... If your fussy then it limits your chance
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I am generally rather picky about this, but it's sort of per person. Some people I'm comfortable with topping and some people I'm comfortable with bottoming. I am 98% of the time more comfortable bottoming. When I first started seeing my boyfriend after about a week we were talking and rather than asking "are you a top or bottom?" he asked "what do you enjoy?" Pretty much the thing I explained first was that I'm pretty strict about whether I top or bottom. He said he was pretty versatile so whatever I wanted wouldn't be a problem. I think everyone sort of has their preferences and what they're more comfortable with, and that's fine. I think in the future I might be open to topping, or at least trying it, as we've become more close and comfortable with each other. So while I have what I perfer now, I'm open to exploring as the relationship progresses.
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Top/Bottom is a convenient 'nice' way to ask if you fuck or if you get fuck. Or if you suck or if you get sucked off. Generally. Often there is much more meaning to the 'titles' not only in sex, but also other aspects of relationship.
Top and bottom does not have to be used merely to imply sexual position. These titles can be used to kind of describe the role of each member in the relationship.
Another group of words would be Dominate (Dom) and Submissive (Sub). These words are used predominately by the S&M/Leather Crowd.
Top/Bottom, Dom/Sub, Dad/Son, Master/Slave - Man/Woman.... This last is usually used by straight people who are trying to wrap their mind around a same gender couple. Who leads? Who follows? Who acts like the man (the leader) who acts like the woman (the follower)?
Every aspect of a relationship of two people one is the leader, the other is the follower. In many relationships the roles change depending on the activity - and this goes beyond bedroom activities. Yes even straight relationships - and it usually boils down to who has the strongest ability.
In bed there are 'gender roles' - these are established by millions of years of procreation by our species which has narrowed down our sexual activities to gender based roles (Male/Female) it is an act of physical design and the emotional instincts tied into to that design.
Man - the penetrating, Woman the penetrated. Alongside of that social values and activities have been divided up between the genders, thus we get the overall impression than man is the the king of his castle, the strong leader and that woman follows.
Its not until the last Century that gender roles have been seriously challenged bringing a new paradigm to how we approach relationships and family units and the roles of the individuals in relationships. For same gender relationships, we have constantly relied on the male/female roles to describe or allude to who does what in that relationship.
Top/Bottom, Sub/Dom, etc are attempts to come up with non-gender specific terms to describe the roles of individuals in a same gender relationship based on the general ideas of the leadership/follower relationship design that has evolved over millions of years with a species that only has two genders.
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Bowyn, I think you forgot "Pitcher/Catcher. Might as well throw a sports reference in there to ward off the gender stereotype. :tongue:
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