Hello, first of all STOP working yourself up and stressing and you did absolutely nothing wrong.
Keep your sexuality to yourself for the time being, it seems that would be the only way to ensure your safety in your country.
Second of all, America is a really big country full of really awesome and extremely open minded people. There are even laws in the USA to protect homosexuals and to protect YOU.
I wish I could do and say more to help you. I just think it is an absolute tragedy that is as young and confused as you is made to feel isolated and ostracised for something that IS perfectly normal and natural.
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see if you can land a education or work situation outside your country and in a more gay affirming environment. For example; compared to the US Canada is more open so go where you think there is the better opportunity. Gays here in the US still migrate to the larger cities; Atlanta, New York City and all of these have their gay bro neighborhoods.
there are 2-8% gay men in every population.
Homophobic people are them selves afraid of their own sexuality. If you hate your self dont let it be this (self internal homophobic hate). The gay population, the 2-8%, have been around for ever, and will endure. A same sex life is pure and loving, you be that way too.
BE SAFE.
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