whose fault?

[gayusasian]

We were supposed to meet at 8:30 tonight.
But it's already 8:45, so I texted him:"Can I still expect you tonight?"
There was no replying at all.

Then I waited till 9:00. Still no reply.
So I sent him a message:"Thanks for telling me at the last moment, jerk!"
I was being sarcastic.

Then he replied to this one.
He said he was late because of work. He was gonna pick me up.

I said sorry to him:"Sorry. I thought you were one of the jerks who stood me up without any reason."

He got angry. He texted:"I am a jerk. Not into people who call my name."

So that's it.
It could have been a pleasant night dating outside.
And it ended like this.

Finally I texted him:"Please don't feel bad. It's just my bad luck."
He didn't reply.

I didn't know whom to blame.
His punctuality? My impatience?
Maybe he was in a situation that's not convenient to text.
But at least he could tell me he's not going to make it on time.
What if I waited till midnight, then I call him a jerk, will I feel better?

This is not my first time being stood up in a date.
I used to feel frustrated and anxious.
But this time, I didn't feel too bad about it.
I felt sad for about 30 minutes. Then I recovered. Calmed as usual.

Part of reason is that I may have anticipated the result.
I kept telling myself this date may end up bad.
I just had that feeling.

My dates never went well since I moved here, even I don't have many dates.
Countable using one hand.
Once the guy wore shorts for our first date. And he asked me to go to his home and smoke pots. WTF. First date. Shorts. Pots. That's a creepy date I won't forget.

Anyway, I don't feel too bad anymore.
I think I am becoming dumb.
Or more mature in mind.

[princealbertofb]

Maybe you are growing more accustomed to people's bad manners? That's sad. Hope you have better luck with your next date. Maybe you can learn from this, and make a special requirement of your next date to let you know imperatively if they are being delayed... as you will worry to no avail.
Good luck, as I said, with your next date.

PS, it doesn't sound as if it was anyone's fault, except that you two didn't have the same expectations. And maybe your date was a little inconsiderate.

[Pix]

Well if I was going to be late I'd have let you know. And if I forgot to let you know and you called me a jerk I'd have apologized, not cut you off as I take responsibility for my actions (or lack thereof) and can understand people get frustrated (that's not to say I'd take constant abuse but a little steam being vented once in awhile, especially in a case like this, is something I can overlook).

While I think you could've handled it better I do think that this is on him more than you. And if I had a date like him I'd be glad it got no further than that because that's not the type of person (who expects others to wait on him without explanation and be grateful that he's paying attention to you at all) I could be in a relationship with anyway.

[princealbertofb]

I agree with Pix, the annoyance was legitimate... but maybe it could have been handled without the name calling... In these sorts of situations, it's always legitimate to let the other party know how you feel, but not to blame or accuse them directly. They'll work it out for themselves that they have been misguided in the way they've treated the situation. At least it gives them the opportunity to apologise without having their feelings hurt.

Say: I don't like waiting more than (given amount of time) without knowing whether to wait any longer or not. It makes me feel cheap, or left out...
Leave out the name calling.

[gayusasian]

I agree with Pix, the annoyance was legitimate... but maybe it could have been handled without the name calling... In these sorts of situations, it's always legitimate to let the other party know how you feel, but not to blame or accuse them directly. They'll work it out for themselves that they have been misguided in the way they've treated the situation. At least it gives them the opportunity to apologise without having their feelings hurt.

Say: I don't like waiting more than (given amount of time) without knowing whether to wait any longer or not. It makes me feel cheap, or left out...
Leave out the name calling.

This is interesting.
Sometimes I got angry, I could not think too much about others either.
Thanks

[princealbertofb]

You're , GayUSAsian

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Let me put it to you this way.

My partner's new boss(es) at Target keep him over 30 minutes and he is not allowed to sneak in a text message or a quick call home to inform me he will be late.

Should I beat him when he comes home for being late, or should I beat him because his boss won't allow him to use the phone?

Either way he obviously deserves a beating - right? Beatings, or calling him a jerk - he needs to be punished - severely.

Right? If not, then why is your man different and deserves to be punished for tardiness?

Texting over Voice phone call:

Let me make something clear here. I think you kids with your texting all the time are stupid. No I'm not smiling, and if you heard me you would hear an ominous tone in my voice not a happy go lucky 'sarcastic' tone.

Why do I think all of this texting is stupid?

With text you miss out on the tone of voice.

So your writing "jerk" is not going to carry with it the happy go lucky 'Lets go to the vet to be put down' tone, instead its going to come off as you calling him a jerk.

Texting important information is failing to get at least the voice tone conveyed. Tone of voice tells a lot. I see a lot of your kids complaining because your relationships are getting mucked up because instead of talking you all are texting instead.

In this case you missed the real angst and frustration when he texted you 'sorry I'm running late at work' - Such a sentence spoken out loud most likely would carry the full impact of the stress his job/boss has him under and you would have bit your lip instead of call him a jerk - even with a laugh in your voice.

SO both of you are to blame. You both can't seem to use your telephone device to make a telephone call, instead you rely on written words to convey everything you are feeling.

Your bad.


"Let's go to the vet to be put down"

If you have dogs and they know the magic word Go, and if they love to go for a ride, try saying in a real happy tone 'Lets go to the vet and be put down' - watch how happy your dog gets over the whole idea of going to be put down (killed).

Tone of voice - magical.

[Nick9]

You can't be sarcastic in texts. It just doesn't go through. There is nothing sarcastic in the sentence

Thanks for telling me at the last moment, jerk!

You were pissed and you let him know it.

Interesting for me is that even though you realized later that you might done poorly, you never said "I'm sorry"
You said "don't feel bad" - you want something, you don't apologize
"it's my bad luck" (I think that bad luck means something different than "my fault" but I may be wrong) - you talk about yourself, you don't apologize either

I said sorry to him:"I thought you were one of the jerks who stood me up without any reason."

No, you didn't, that's not "sorry" it's more like accusation, that didn't make him feel better

This was the first date?

I hate when people don't come in time. I get antsy when they don't let me know in advance. But I don't think I would be in a mood for going on a date with you after your texts

I guess both of you are "guilty"

[gayusasian]

You can't be sarcastic in texts. It just doesn't go through. There is nothing sarcastic in the sentence


You were pissed and you let him know it.

Interesting for me is that even though you realized later that you might done poorly, you never said "I'm sorry"
You said "don't feel bad" - you want something, you don't apologize
"it's my bad luck" (I think that bad luck means something different than "my fault" but I may be wrong) - you talk about yourself, you don't apologize either



No, you didn't, that's not "sorry" it's more like accusation, that didn't make him feel better

This was the first date?

I hate when people don't come in time. I get antsy when they don't let me know in advance. But I don't think I would be in a mood for going on a date with you after your texts

I guess both of you are "guilty"

My text message has a 'Sorry'. I didn't write the whole sentence.

But I agree that I should control my emotions.

[gayusasian]

To Bowyn Aerrow,
you know your boy well. you guys have been together for a while.

this is our first date. i didn't know what's going on.
should i wait till midnight, then call him a jerk?