Am 17 and gay. And still yet to come out to anybody! Which I find frustrating! I find it pretty pathetic to myself that I have not told anybody.
So far all my years in High School I have dated girls only so people don't think am gay. Am starting my Senior year in high school and I think it's time to get the fuck outta the closet I've been hiding in for years.
I just don't know how? Like how? What if people judge me?! I don't know what to do! XC
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Quote:I just don't know how?
Nobody knows how before they come out, we just wing it. Don't put pressure on yourself, relax 
Quote:Like how?
Follow your gut instinct, you will know when the time is right for you. It's different for everyone, but everyone will tell you that when the time came, it just felt right.
Quote:What if people judge me?
People are judging you regardless of your sexuality, and when you come out they will continue to judge you. True friends don't do this.
So I ask you, what if people judge you???
Quote:I don't know what to do
As long as you are true to yourself, honest with yourself there is nothing else that you need to do to be a complete person. Your sexuality is not WHO you are, it is WHAT you are. Please don't bother with labels, they are for clothes. Just learn to relax and let the world unfold around you.
Trust your gut instincts
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Do you have any close friend whom you know won't judge you if you come out to her/him? Most of the time the safest way to go is to reveal the secret to your closest friend.
I came out at your age and the first person to tell is always the hardest, however it gets easier. *hugs*
Gather your will and guts and stand up for who you are, the wisest choice is to start with someone you know won't judge you.
But as dfiant says, what if they judge you? If they don't that's great but don't let it stop you if they do. Most of us had to fight our way through all of this.
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[COLOR="DarkRed"]First off, don't force yourself to do it! Wait until YOUR ready. When you are, start with the person you're closest with...someone that you think will react well. If they do, it'll give you a lot of confidence in yourself! 
Just remember, this is about YOU, not anyone else!
I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that you gain a lot of support! If you ever need help, I'm here to listen and talk to!
Good luck, again![/COLOR]
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yes. coming out to a close friend firstly.
i first came out with a Chinese girl. then all the other Chinese friends knows.
i don't even have to tell them one by one. lol
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Okay thanks guys.  mile:
And am afraid if being judged only because I have heard if so many stories about gays being beat on and stuff. Trust me if they try to f*** me up I can take them easily.
I dont want to be looked at as different. I always have been in the "in" crowd. Will me coming out change that I dont know? Is that even a justifiable reason to not come out.. again I dobt know.
And I want too come out really bad because I have known about me being gay for quite some time. And am sick of having to pretend to be straight. Coincidentally just this morning one of my guy friends and I were at a restaurant and saw an stereotypical gay male (wearing pink short shorts, sparkly flip flops...) and my friend nudges me and says "hahaha Julien look at that little faggit!" So I thought in my head "what the hell leave him alone, I dont care and thats terrible to say!" But my mouth said "yeahhh what a fag......." and am sick of friken doing that! :/ People would never suspect it either, it will come as a shock to them I know it! And like the friend above he will deginently hate me for bieing gay.
Uhhhh but I want to be myself and stop putting on this straight act....
But if I work up the courage I will tell my closest fruend who thank god is a girl because women seem the most accepting. I just have this over taking depression. Why must people be so cruel and give a fuck if am gay??? I didnt choose to like guys, the attraction just came.
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I'm going to ask a lot of questions here. No there is no need to answer here, but you need to answer these questions for yourself.
You are insisting you are desperate, and have this need - do you understand why these drives are there? Frustrated - why?
Why do you feel pathetic?
"Suddenly" you have this change in position, suddenly you want to 'be' gay instead of 'be' straight. Suddenly you find yourself being propelled to come out. Why?
What has changed in your life recently to usher this huge change? Is it that you see senior year and the prospect of dancing at prom with a girl is suddenly an unbearable notion? Is there some young man who you have your eye on that you feel you have a chance with?
I have to wonder if at this time coming out is a 'good idea'. After all 'being straight' appears to have worked for you up to this time, suddenly you want out of it. Is this a rash choice you are making? Is it something you can readily regret?
IF you were out of school on your own (an adult) then rushing out of the closet may be a good idea.
You list your intolerant buddy, and the potential fall out if you came out. I think that there may be a bit of instinctual survival keeping you in that closet and it should not be ignored.
Coming out is a one way street. Once done it can't be undone.
Do you ave a close friend, one you know who is tolerant of LGBT? - I'm not talking your dinning buddy who pointed out the effeminate man and said faggit.
If so, then I think maybe they should be the first one you talk about your sexuality with.
If you are currently dating a girl, It is time you end the relationship. No, you do not need to tell her you are gay, tell her whatever, incompatible, whatever.
Instead of relying on broadcasting your sexuality, try just living as a 'gay man'. Meaning don't pretend to be straight, but don't actually put yourself out there and be gay. You don't have to wear hot pink and sparkly - be yourself, but also don't get involved in straight relationships and if the subject ever comes up don't take the homophobic stance.
A good example would have been if you would have simply said - "He is what he is, no one can fault him that." instead of joining in on the bashing.
No need to actually say 'I'm gay, shut up idiot!' - but you can be a bit more tolerant/supportive yourself.
Mind, none of your straight friends agonize over being straight. None of them feel compelled to pull you aside and stammer 'I - I - I'm straight.' They live their life and you figure out they are straight by who they date, who they talk about and other indirect clues.
Rely on indirect clues. Those who are gay tolerant will see those clues more often than homophobes who will dismiss minor clues.
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One question. You're friends think you are straight, so they are liking you because of something that isn't true. If you told them you are gay they would turn on you...So what sort of friend would that be?
Not a true friend thats for sure.
At think at your age there is a risk of losing a friend or 2, but then they weren't REAL friends to start with. A majority of your friends will still be by your side and you will find most of those friendships will strengthen and you will have true friends, and on top of that you will find new friends, and dare I say if you are part of the 'in crowd' you could become a role model for those around you that are struggling with their sexuality, especially the younger ones.
You could become the difference between a 13 year old commiting suicide because they are being bullied for being gay or saving their life by being the person that stands up for them when they are being bullied for something that you yourself know is natural and normal
I think whatever you choose to do, come out or stay in the closet, you will be OK
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agapimenimou Julien,
Such is the world that even in modern day America and California, it is still difficult to come out and feel completely confident to be who you are, especially, I'd say, at your age. Schools are not renowned for being specially tolerant and of course while adolescents are all striving to find their own way and their own worth in life, they are all busy conforming as strictly as they can to certain norms and principles. It's not easy to become someone in such constrictive circumstances. Whoever doesn't dress the same way as their group, or doesn't act like the rest of the group, doesn't like the same music as the rest of the group is bound to stick out like a sore thumb and can easily be ostracised. It's unfair, but that's the way the group works, often. You yourself conformed by repeating your 'friend's' words after he pointed out the gay man in pink.
Of course you don't want to stick out, of course you want to fit in, but you also want to fit in with your own individual particularities (and being gay is probably only one of them). What your friends don't see is that you, Julien, are the same person, socially, whether gay or straight. To them your qualities ought to be the same. You are not trying to explore your sexuality with them, so they have nothing to fear, right?
I'm wondering whether there is someone in your school, the nurse or social worker maybe, or maybe a teacher that you particularly like, whom you could ask for advice, and who could guide you towards institutions that care for the LGBT community's issues. You might find such institutions in your vicinity online too, or find a phone line that you could call.
Maybe you have not thought about this before. This adult would maybe also be able to advise you whether it's a good idea to come out for the whole world (the school) to find out your sexuality. Do you know if there is a gay teacher on the teaching staff?
Note that your mates are probably not telling you the whole truth about their sex lives either. They may be bragging about having 'done' it with so and so, or be giving some of the girls bad names just because one day those girls said 'no!' and they felt they had to take some kind of revenge. All kinds of pettinesses exist in schools too, not least the girls dissing each other.
Do you have any reason to think that your school is particularly intolerant of the gay lifestyle or of gay romance? (the two are different: people often equate gay with sexual acts but don't see the relationship aspect or the romantic aspect of it, even though this is now much better accepted, in the general population).
I have a notion that if your friend made the remark he made while dining, it was maybe his own awkward way of saying that he was interested in the subject, or at least curious. What exactly was the point of him pointing that man out to you? Was he making fun? Was he angry about it? Maybe it was his clumsy way of opening up the subject to you... maybe not for you to come out, but maybe to test the waters on whether it was a subject you two could discuss (in an adult way.?).
What you answered was, to my mind, quite a normal reaction.. a reaction of fear, fear that he might find you out at a moment when this is a particularly sensitive question for you. In a way you clammed up. One way of deflating such a remark could be asking this question: Do I have to agree with you? Then that gets the conversation going. It would make him question what he said and maybe why he said it. It also tells him that you may have a different opinion on the subject, not that you want to go about dressed in shocking pink, right? :biggrin:
I agree with most of what Bowyn has suggested , but also with Daz (Dfiant), Dylan, GayUSAsian and Niltra.
1) You should not have to be outed by anyone but yourself..
2) Your time to come out will be your time to come out. There are two options here, people will accept it (even sometimes with a little time to readjust) or they will reject it and you.
3) Unless you have reached that time when the truth must be told, it might be a good idea only to come out to certain people, making them understand that this is your life and your truth to tell. So they need to keep it a secret until you feel more comfortable with the idea of other people knowing. You can't climb back into that secret closet once it's out.
4) Your best friend, a girl you said, is probably a good place to start. If you are in the habit of confiding in each other. Just make sure that she's discreet.
5) People may feel uncomfortable with the subject for any number of reasons: they have a hatred of that 'lifestyle' (they don't understand that it's not a choice); they have a religious upbringing and beliefs that make them think it's wrong; they don't know any gay people themselves and don't know how to 'be' with someone with a different sexual orientation;
6) People have obviously the wrong view of who you are as a total person, even if most parts of you have not changed and will not change, your sexual orientation will be completely new to them, and it'll take them some time to adjust. Some may think that you have misled them and lied to them. They won't understand that you a) didn't know or realise until you were this age; b) didn't know how to tell them; c) didn't know whether you were just going through a phase or not etc. but then people should also expect teenagers to experiment with different life experiences, and should expect them not to know where they are going. If they can't let you make your own mistakes, then are they worthy of being trusted? As friends? As parents? As siblings? As relatives? As educators?
You'll find the one thing about being gay is that you often have to recreate your own family, by choosing the ones with whom you can live peaceably and openly.
Good luck with the pursuit of your own personal happiness.
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its time to come out if:
-you want to do it and
-you meet a boy who happens to be gay and you like him
-you want to be out to friends who you know will be accepting
-you want to be out to be judged by who you are not by rumor and innuendo.
seems like none of the above matches till you slowly distance your self from the local in crowd. Gather your courage and walk into the LGBT teen center and being out will start to make sense. If you like music; join a gay men's choir, whatever.
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I desperately need to come out!
