last week I came out to alot of my friends but Im still struggling with how Im going to tell my parents. Ive had one bad experience coming out and my parents, Im not sure how they will react. how should I tell them? please give me some ideas!
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Do you find them to be tolerable of other things from other people? Meaning race creed, etc?
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Bear in mine that I am just recently out to my family, and that at best they think they can "cure" me of this "terrible affliction," but I have found the best approach for me at least has been to just state it plain and simple. Then if they have questions try to answer them if I feel like it, and of not I tell them I'd rather not talk about it right now. But it's different for everyone. I believe I saw someone on here say that you can't be told how to come out, you just do it!
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It's gonna be difficult. But in the long run, you'll feel better you got it over with sooner. My parents are in denial, and still wish me to get married to a woman. But then again, this is Asia, and I'm supposed to be Muslim.
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Ivory, it would help if you were to tell us who you came out to when it didn't go well. Who were they? Did they shout at you? Beat you? Refuse to talk to you? Were these people real friends in the end?
Your parents might already be aware that you are gay (especially your mum, probably). Maybe they haven't said anything to you because they wanted you to tell them? Do you still live at home? Are you far away from home?
You are a Canadian citizen, so it seems unlikely that your parents won't have heard all the stuff that has happened about gay marriage, gay adoption, gay partnerships etc... They are probably more atuned to that fact than you imagine. That is, unless they are not Canadian citizens. We do need more background.
So tell us a bit more about the situation for us to come up with some viable solutions.
In the end, you didn't ask to come into this world, your parents had you, but you never belonged to them... And since being gay isn't a choice, they have to accept who you are, don't they?
What counts most, I guess, is that you are the nice person that you are... the product of their upbringing. What else has changed? It's not as if they've initiated you to your sex life. That remains a very private thing. So if they tell you it's not how they brought you up, you can also tell them that in sexual matters everyone has to make their own experiences, don't they? It's not as if parents tell us how to be straight (or gay). Anyway, they need to understand that it's more than just who you have sex with.
Are you now in a situation where you might need to tell them? I mean by that, have you now got a boyfriend, or are you thinking seriously of dating someone? Is there a significant other that you would like to introduce to your family?
It might be a better idea to tell your family before you actually visit them with the boyfriend if you have one.
The good old-fashioned letter still works quite well. It lets you tell them without any stress, in a medium where you can choose all your words before they are sent. It also gives them something to hold on to, and read again for better understanding. It gives them the opportunity to send you an answer. It also gives you an opportunity to tell them how you feel, and how you love them, and need their love too. You may indicate your state of mind, why you are afraid of how they will receive the news.
Remember that they've maybe had less time than you to adjust to this reality. Tell them why you want them to know too. Ask them if they are modern enough to understand, or if you have to find yourself another family.
Good luck with the announcement. (We often make it a bigger thing than it actually is for our relatives).
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Hello,
The best thing to do is be yourself and be original... Lay all the cards on the table and let them see that this isnt a phase a messing around moment because you are what you are and you wont be changing for anyones satisfaction... Live for yourself and explain to your mum anhd dad that you are still you just only thing thats changed is no babies coming along and if they cannot accept it then it is their problem not yours and if they go mad say do you have to be so naive on this?? Its easier to hate something than understand it
Kindest regards
Aunty z\eon x
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prince, it was one of the first people I came out too, she was suppose to be my best friend and she went around behind my back putting me down cus of it and making me feel bad. I just wished I never told that one cus all she wants is drama and I dont want drama in my life. women are all the same, straight DRAMA... every girl Ive come across just wants drama and its retarded to be honest. I find it hard to tell some of my friends though cus they throw around the "fag" word like theres no tomorrow and its really hurtful even though they dont know. I was actually crying and upset the other day cus of it. some of my friends are asses and always will be no matter what I am to them... If I tell those ones Ill be considered that to them and nothing else cus they are homophobic and are tasteless when it comes to people being gay. and my parents dont know much about being gay, when they hear something about being gay, they are close minded and if its on tv theyll turn the channel. they just dont want to hear it at all. so this is gonna be rough to come out to them and this guy I like wants me to come out to them. He wants me to tell everyone. so thats the reason why Im considering telling my parents now.
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wait till your your own man, your own finance and your own family and friends.
I dont see your parents giving you any emotional support if they knew.
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Normally I would say come out come out where ever you are....BUT[B]in your case...wait. If your parents are not open minded and you think there is a chance they will turn their backs on you, wait.[/B]
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help me abit
