define being a man

[Pix]

But I will say I never learned Texas or any other kind of BBQ...I didn't dare tread on male territory like that for fear of eliciting feral snarls, screeches, & chest beating. :tongue:

Seriously, men tend to take their BBQ seriously, and many Southerners (which include East Texans) take great pride in their cooking. I'm proud of mine, too, but BBQ is male territory.

I bring that up because I think it's a pale echo of men and the hunt. While it's rare for men to actually hunt their meat, the BBQ is still typically cooking an animal over an outdoor fire. Of course women still tend to take care of all the other details (but that's ok, if you could only hear what we say about the men while setting the plates or cleaning up as the men are either BBQing or playing sports or looking at someone's car they'd happily help us just to keep us from being able to talk about them ).

[WheresTheLove]

Perhaps it's because I was raised by a single mother

But I thought you just said that your father took you fishing? Sorry I'm a bit confused.
My parents are divorced, I live with my mom but my dad had me 2 days each week because he wanted to be in my life too.

As for showing women respect I find it incredibly disrespectful when a man calls another a "pussy" in a derogatory fashion, because that's saying how he sees people like me, bad and inferior, cowardly and weak. When I overhear a man say, "Don't be a pussy," I hear, "Don't be a woman." And then some guys are called a pussy because they treat women as women rather than as masturbation toys. Let's just say I'm not favorably inclined to guys I hear say things like that (which is to say plenty of guys).

I can also look favorably at guys who resist being manipulated by this term as it shows their bravery as being themselves despite the guy code (for example, they have no interest in competitive sports, they'd rather pursue their art, and do it despite the names they're called), and in some cases (like in strategically bypassing an enemy or making that enemy someone else's problem rather than resorting to blustering and/or fisticuffs) as meaning, "being smarter than a man." :tongue:

THANK YOU!!! I'm glad some people get it. I've even heard women call men pussies before, like "That guy tried to hit me! What a pussy, trying to hit a girl!". Some girls don't realize how us "softer" guys get hated on so much for not being tough.

[warmpixels]

I understand helpful straight people who try to define the gay community confusing sex and gender...

[Daniel]

"Being a Man" huh? The mere definition and term in itself is just another way to put unnecessary titles and prerequisites on people...while "Being a Man" is an insult to everything, it also limits already narrow minded views.

I can't possibly count how many poor homosexuals have had hard times because "Being a Man" is around.

I whether be a HUMAN any day.

[spencer]

Keep in mind that some people use "man" not to mean male, but to mean "adult" or "human"- which is flawed terminology nowadays. Apparently, it originally meant "human", but now we use it to mean "male". People in the past have told me to "be a man" and then I would yell at them not to use gender roles like that. And they'd get pissed off and tell me to stop bitching. Then someone else would step into the conversation and inform me that they probably meant to tell me to grow up or be respectful. And the the original mean people would confirm that they did. In reality, they weren't. They just told me to "be a man" because it's popular to tell people that.

In my opinion:
a)The phrase is insulting to women. It's saying that only men are expected to be honorable, respectable, etc. and that women aren't.
b)The phrase is insulting to women. It's saying that "man" can be used to mean "human", meaning that only men are considered true humans (which I know was true in some ancient cultures).
c)The phrase is insulting to women. It's saying that acting like an adult is acting like a male, and that women don't act like adults.
d)The phrase supports gender roles, which is an old-fashioned ideal that needs to die out.

I wish people would just say what they want me to be, instead of beating around the bush. Like say "be respectful", "act mature", etc. No more of this "be a man" bullshit. Okay, I'll be a man like daddy was. I'll beat my wife, get her pregnant, and leave her. Happy now?
(No, my dad didn't do that, he's a really nice guy, I was just giving an example of how someone could take that phrase the wrong way).

Also I hate the phrases "grow a pair" or whatever. It equates having balls to being tough or rebellious. I know women who are that than men. And I've even heard women use this phrase. Just stop. It's embarassing and degrading. We need to stop demeaning women like this.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[monk]

I'm reminded of the most popular definition of "slut" at urban dictionary:

"A woman with the morals of a man."

:tongue:

OUCH!

[dfiant]

"Being a Man" huh? The mere definition and term in itself is just another way to put unnecessary titles and prerequisites on people...while "Being a Man" is an insult to everything, it also limits already narrow minded views.

I can't possibly count how many poor homosexuals have had hard times because "Being a Man" is around.

I whether be a HUMAN any day.

This times 1000.

Can I also add, while never being judgmental of teenagers in the past, the quality of teenagers that I have come across in these forums has really impressed me. Every single one of you in here, and I believe the youngest teen here is 15, are truely a credit with maturity and often a wisdom beyond your years.

I am thouroughly impressed when I read some of the messages you guys post and i think to myself 'Couldn't have said it better myself'. The quality, the empathy, the maturity, and the humour all of you youngers guys show here is outstanding and there are a lot of older members that can learn a lot from each of you.

Well done

[Lilitu]

Regardless of the questionable appropriacy of saying 'be a man' or using the word 'man' in that fashion, in current times, the qualities which constitute a 'man' are still very relevant and useful in guiding youth.
Courage, justice, devotion, clemency and wisdom come to mind. A 'man' can be seen as surpassing the boundaries of sex, and could be just a 'good person' under a different name. Women can be 'men' if they have the same attributes (however inappropriate and out of place it sounds). I don't think it's too necessary to bother ourselves over the word; the actual quality of 'manliness' should be treasured.

[princealbertofb]

Since all of you have had great definitions already, I'll say this one... The beauty of a Prince and the qualities of a king. (that leaves out all the nasty stuff, right?)

[princealbertofb]

Does Rudyard Kipling's poem still make sense today?

If
If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools; If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on"; If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!



taken from http://www.everypoet.com/archive/poetry/...ing_if.htm