Unintentional homophobia and racism.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I think its is more a display of how our society has set certain roles for certain groups of people.

I've had people comment in various ways that I don't act gay which seems to be a surprise to them that a gay man doesn't act gay. Or a black man doesn't talk 'black'.

I take no offense out of it, I accept it as being just part of the culture of humanity and the expectations that media and peers place on us when it comes to groups of people.

[chillythoughts]

when I told someone I was gay, he said this
"really? I wouldnt place you as a gay guy, thats really a surprise to me." wow... do I need to be femmine to be gay? get outta here. Im gay and proud of it!!! I just love guys and that wont change.

[monk]

I had a great friend who I used to work with who was Jamaican. He didn't drive and, as my route to work passed his front door, I'd give him a lift every day. On occasions he'd come over to my place, we'd drink, eat cheeseburgers (he was a cheeseburger fiend!) and generally have a good time.

One morning when I picked him up I had Bob Marley's "Legend" album playing. He looked at me, in all seriousness, and said:

"Why are you playing this? This is black music!"

:eek: :eek: :eek:

To say I was gobsmacked would be an understatement!

[spencer]

My job has is mostly women, there's 4 men right now, soon to be 5. One person I work with, who I've actually kinda become friends with was talking about it and said, "There's only 3 guys that work here, 4 counting you." She's said this a few times and I haven't said anything about it but after about the third or fourth time I realized it was really hurting me that I obviously want others to consier me male and she's basically telling me I'm not really a male. So I decided next time she did it I would politely say that when I'm not considered as completely male it hurts and is politically incorrect. I regret not speaking up the first time.

[Story]

Ok, this is something I have personally noticed among people I'm around for awhile now.

Have you ever had a friend or acquaintance you knew had nothing against gay people...but still managed to make some very dense statements from time to time.

Two examples: I have a friend of a friend I am positive is not homophobic. When we first met, this friend asked me if I had a girlfriend, I replied no I'm gay. He then said "Really? I would never have guessed you were gay, you conceal yourself so well!"

Now I knew he meant no harm and in his mind he probably thought he was giving me a compliment....it didn't stop me from feeling slightly offended however. (this was not the first time that particular comment has been directed my way)

So I was talking to another friend about my feelings towards what had happened...and this new friend I'm now talking to happens to be black for the purposes of this story. I was surprised when he said he knew how I felt because at the time he was unemployed and when he would go in for a job interview, more often than not the interviewer would say to him "You don't sound black at all!" and smile like she was giving him a compliment.

My question is, has anyone else encountered this problem...if so, how did you feel about it knowing they meant no harm, but being very stupid all the same. Do I correct them about their faux-pas and risk an argument or misunderstanding or do I let it slide and try to ignore it?

I'm not sure why you should feel offended, he merely remarked that he didn't perceive you as gay, now if you talked very effeminately and wore rainbow everything that would be one thing, but for those of us who don't flaunt that part of us, we can do a good job of not communicating that part of our lives. Plus straight guys don't have gaydar to confirm these things. So the only thing I feel I would take from that type of comment is that "I'm masculine acting" but everyone is different. Also I think stereotypes play a role here too, what we are fed from media tends to stick to us, so we anticipate, if person is X then they should behave Y and etc, people outside of those models surprise us

[James]

My gay friends at the glbtq center a few years ago thought I was a gay friendly straight man, guess what you have to remember is we are the same as any straight except for a small part of our existence, I don't go out of my way to prove I am gay nor do I hide that fact, where as some throw it in people's faces to get a reaction. Live life as you wish, and don't be supprised by what others think, James

[speaker]

Two days ago, my Dominican friend (20-something straight female) asked me via text: "If Morality is the one thing behind beastiality being illegal, why should homosexuality be legal?" I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and I assume she just made a naive comment, however, it still hurt my feelings. Maybe I'm being too sensitive? Thoughts...?

[Pix]

Two days ago, my Dominican friend (20-something straight female) asked me via text: "If Morality is the one thing behind beastiality being illegal, why should homosexuality be legal?" I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and I assume she just made a naive comment, however, it still hurt my feelings. Maybe I'm being too sensitive? Thoughts...?

You can find responses to your question here:

http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=21198

Maybe someone should explain to Spencer how he can find his old posts via PM? I'm a little too dazed to do that right now.

[speaker]

Thanks...i'm new to this site so it took my a couple days to figure out where my original thread was lol!

[nikgee]

I have had similar experiences. My last name being Garcia, when people first meet me I get comments: like it's funny but you don't look Mexican or talk Mexican. I always reply I'm not I'm Greek. That always gets their small narrow minds confused. So I have to go on and explain to them . Either I woke up one morning and decided I'm tired of my real name I think I want to change it to Garcia, or at some point in life I was adopted and my name changed to Garcia. Maybe I shouldn't be such a mouth, but it does kind of feel good sometimes..If I might add if you haven't xed me off your post . The reaction to my name is not only a white thing I had several encounters with Mexican people. When they here my last name they will immediately come up talking Spanish to me they get the old deer in the headlights look and I try to explain in a nice way how my folks divorced and my mom remarried and that I was adopted bla bla... And the reaction usually the same confusion. See in Latino culture divorce is not a well defined word for them. The divorce rate in Mexico is much lower than in the states. Anyway I'm done Thanks for listening.