Cal from Santa Barbara

[Cal]

Hello everyone.

I'm 44. I've been in the closet my whole life. Sex and relationships have always been difficult and complicated for me. I'd like to do something about that. I hope that by talking to people here, I can develop a better understanding of my own sexual identity and maybe arrive at a better place. I look forward to meeting everyone.

Cal

[Nick9]

Hi Cal, nice to meet you. Welcome to the forum.

I was under impression that California is an open-minded country. I hope you will manage to come out and feel free and happy

[James]

Hi Cal and welcome, up around san fran can be difficult as you get the whole gambit of types up there, see if you can find a glbtq center in your area that may show you the fun side of just being gay with gay friends, and that doesn't mean sex, it's all the other things we can do together to enjoy life, James

[dfiant]

G Day and welcome to gayspeak

[Cal]

Thanks for the greetings. Yes, California is an open-minded place, and there are GLBTQ groups in my area. The problem is that I don't really feel that I belong in the gay community. Most of the time, I don't feel gay; I just feel empty and/or confused. I envy those of you who have such a mature sense of your own sexual identity.

Cal

[monk]

Welcome!

[dfiant]

Thanks for the greetings. Yes, California is an open-minded place, and there are GLBTQ groups in my area. The problem is that I don't really feel that I belong in the gay community. Most of the time, I don't feel gay; I just feel empty and/or confused. I envy those of you who have such a mature sense of your own sexual identity.

Cal

This begs the question...Why are you wasting your time defining yourself based on your sexuality?

Seriously, does your dick make all your decisions for you and define who you are?

Do you define yourself because you have red hair, or dark skin?

Sit down with a peanut butter sandwich and a budweiser and think about it

[Cal]

This begs the question...Why are you wasting your time defining yourself based on your sexuality?

Thanks for the encouragement, dfiant, but I think your point is lost on me. This "defining yourself" thing -- what is that about?

Cal

[Stretch]

Hello and welcome, I am a newbie to this site also. I would be very happy to talk to you about any issues you may have. I am 26 and I have been in a relationship with another man for 2 years. I am out to my family and friends. I don't see my homosexuality as something to rub in everyone's face but if asked I will not lie about it. Being gay is one of the many things about me but it is not WHO I am if you understand what I am trying to say.

[dfiant]

Thanks for the encouragement, dfiant, but I think your point is lost on me. This "defining yourself" thing -- what is that about?

Cal

Did you only read the first line of my post?

Nobody can help you until you start helping yourself mate.

Your sexuality isn't YOU, your sexuality is a PART of you, place too much importance on your sexuality and you get lost, like you are now. You drive a car so do you define yourself by your ability to drive. You abviously eat, do you define yourself by what you eat?

Are you a gay driver that eats red meat or are you a human that happens to be attracted to the same gender, drives a car and prefers to eat vegetables/red meat?